So I'm writing an essay for English
It's a casual analysis where I'm going to explain the effects of... wait for it... being an introvert! Yes, I am in introvert and I am proud of it (kinda).
Because my father is an introvert, he passed onto me. Back then, when I was in my pre-teens it bothered me a lot because people always came up to me, asking why I'm so quiet and shy and that I should speak more often. It bothered me because one: I would love to socialize but I don't know how to do it, and two: that statement is so damn offending, even if it came from a close friend. Also, I wanted to be out there, to be known because I went through that phase of wanting to fit in. However, as I grew older, I cared less about fitting in (cared less about everything else, really), about what people assumed about me, and that I came to love my introversion. Sure, it's a hassle sometimes because I'm unable to make new friends in person and I often get left out or forgotten, but I don't mind it at all. In fact, I like being lonely and quiet because solitude is my sanctuary and socializing exhausts me.
For instance, I actually hate it when people approach me and begin speaking to me because I seem so alone and that I am in need of someone to talk to. It happened before, actually. I was at a tournament for my badminton team at another school and I was with my teammates... but I wasn't socializing at all (because the people I was close to at the team weren't present). I sat far away from them and I just sat there, watching the games. Then two people approached me and began talking to me. Of course, I found it weird and very rude because they interrupted my personal space and my internal monologues, but how could they have known? XD Anyway, they began talking to me and then when we got to know each other a bit, one of them finally said the reason why they approached me: because I looked lonely as hell. In my mind, I heard glass breaking, but I kept my calm stance outside and continued conversing with them... This isn't the first time it happened. I just don't like it whenever people approach me for that one reason. Besides, it's not like I can easily tell them, "Oh, hey I'm introverted so don't talk to me at the moment because I'm having an internal monologue; and the reason why I don't want to talk in the first place is because I don't want to talk at all." Right? But I am open to talking to other people, as long as they approach me with a different mindset; I actually like socializing as long as it doesn't drain the life out of me. And the only way to get me talking is if the other party can connect with me somehow LOL. Also, if we have a lot of things to talk about, like non-shallow things or about other interesting things that doesn't involving gossiping about someone else.
Other than socializing in real life, I don't like talking over the phone at all because one: I can't see the other person's face making the conversation non as stimulating and fun, two: I prefer a face-to-face interaction, and three: why are you even calling? You know I don't pick my up phone unless it's an unknown number or for work. I just don't like talking over the phone and never have been since I was a kid. Sure, it's a good thing because I get to communicate with someone who is far away from me, but then it's... just exhausting. I don't want to press the phone to my ear, or scream across the room when it's on speaker. I want to talk to you as a person. And it's a hassle. I'd prefer texting although most people don't.
Also, people assume I'm timid as hell. No, I'm not. I'm only timid when I'm in front of a guy a I have a crush on or when I fear about being socially awkward. There are times where I do put myself out there, actually. Despite hating public speaking and such, I do things that require being in front of people. I used to do hula and perform it in front of a lot of people at least once or twice a month. It's fun and I like being out there for once, other than the fact that everything is blurry because I don't wear my glasses during performances XD (I'm near-sighted!). Also, whenever there are individual or group presentations, I prefer going first because I would love to get it overwith, despite being super nervous about the decision. There are times where I actually talk to people casually like a normal, non-introverted person who is still painfully, socially awkward. So yes, there are times when I do become extroverted, but that is rare now that I'm not in high school and I'm surrounded by adults who have more experiences that me; I'm intimidated by those people so that's why I don't talk as much.
Other than my father being the reason for my introversion, I'm one hell of a recluse. I love staying inside my house and I only go out to hang out with really, really close friends or family and to go to work or school (I do need to go outside sometimes, though, because I need exercise and sunlight!). Well, I do love adventures and exploring new things, so I don't mind going out as long as someone doesn't talk to me. Also, I was a bit traumatized when I was a kid. Back then, I used to talk a lot. A LOT. As in speaking my mind, going on and on about something random, and insulting people without a care in the world. But then people, even my own family, stopped listening halfway even if it was important... so because of that, I believe that no one is going to really "listen" to me, as in listen for reals, and I kept my mouth clamped shut ever since. As for the people I called classmates in elementary school, middle school, and high school, all they talk about is gossip and things that are so shallow that it's ridiculous. Trust me, I know because I was surrounded by these people almost everyday except summer XD. I do know that they talk about deep stuff with their friends, but then again I know I will never get along with people who will never understand the reason why I'm like this. Also, I've made really close friends who ended up leaving me for other people so I lost my trust in making new friends and such, and I believed that there's no point at all in making friends in the first place. So, that's why I have my books, my fanfics, and my computer to rely on whenever this happen XD. And it reenergizes me that I forget about all the bad things that happen to me. Instead, I channel my depression to reading and being optimistic about everything else such as writing fanfics and Arashi. That's why I'm glad that I found out about Arashi because without them, I wouldn't be the person I am now.
Enough about that depressing crap. I'm actually quite happy with everything right now and where I am because of the way I am. With being recluse in all, I'm actually trying to become successful. For example, I want to become a writer! It all started with writing fanfics, and it's thanks to being recluse that lead me to writing. I do need to go out, adventure, and explore more often, though. to gain more experiences in order to become a satisfied writer XD. I should really get to writing that essay. Thanks for reading my rant XD.
Because my father is an introvert, he passed onto me. Back then, when I was in my pre-teens it bothered me a lot because people always came up to me, asking why I'm so quiet and shy and that I should speak more often. It bothered me because one: I would love to socialize but I don't know how to do it, and two: that statement is so damn offending, even if it came from a close friend. Also, I wanted to be out there, to be known because I went through that phase of wanting to fit in. However, as I grew older, I cared less about fitting in (cared less about everything else, really), about what people assumed about me, and that I came to love my introversion. Sure, it's a hassle sometimes because I'm unable to make new friends in person and I often get left out or forgotten, but I don't mind it at all. In fact, I like being lonely and quiet because solitude is my sanctuary and socializing exhausts me.
For instance, I actually hate it when people approach me and begin speaking to me because I seem so alone and that I am in need of someone to talk to. It happened before, actually. I was at a tournament for my badminton team at another school and I was with my teammates... but I wasn't socializing at all (because the people I was close to at the team weren't present). I sat far away from them and I just sat there, watching the games. Then two people approached me and began talking to me. Of course, I found it weird and very rude because they interrupted my personal space and my internal monologues, but how could they have known? XD Anyway, they began talking to me and then when we got to know each other a bit, one of them finally said the reason why they approached me: because I looked lonely as hell. In my mind, I heard glass breaking, but I kept my calm stance outside and continued conversing with them... This isn't the first time it happened. I just don't like it whenever people approach me for that one reason. Besides, it's not like I can easily tell them, "Oh, hey I'm introverted so don't talk to me at the moment because I'm having an internal monologue; and the reason why I don't want to talk in the first place is because I don't want to talk at all." Right? But I am open to talking to other people, as long as they approach me with a different mindset; I actually like socializing as long as it doesn't drain the life out of me. And the only way to get me talking is if the other party can connect with me somehow LOL. Also, if we have a lot of things to talk about, like non-shallow things or about other interesting things that doesn't involving gossiping about someone else.
Other than socializing in real life, I don't like talking over the phone at all because one: I can't see the other person's face making the conversation non as stimulating and fun, two: I prefer a face-to-face interaction, and three: why are you even calling? You know I don't pick my up phone unless it's an unknown number or for work. I just don't like talking over the phone and never have been since I was a kid. Sure, it's a good thing because I get to communicate with someone who is far away from me, but then it's... just exhausting. I don't want to press the phone to my ear, or scream across the room when it's on speaker. I want to talk to you as a person. And it's a hassle. I'd prefer texting although most people don't.
Also, people assume I'm timid as hell. No, I'm not. I'm only timid when I'm in front of a guy a I have a crush on or when I fear about being socially awkward. There are times where I do put myself out there, actually. Despite hating public speaking and such, I do things that require being in front of people. I used to do hula and perform it in front of a lot of people at least once or twice a month. It's fun and I like being out there for once, other than the fact that everything is blurry because I don't wear my glasses during performances XD (I'm near-sighted!). Also, whenever there are individual or group presentations, I prefer going first because I would love to get it overwith, despite being super nervous about the decision. There are times where I actually talk to people casually like a normal, non-introverted person who is still painfully, socially awkward. So yes, there are times when I do become extroverted, but that is rare now that I'm not in high school and I'm surrounded by adults who have more experiences that me; I'm intimidated by those people so that's why I don't talk as much.
Other than my father being the reason for my introversion, I'm one hell of a recluse. I love staying inside my house and I only go out to hang out with really, really close friends or family and to go to work or school (I do need to go outside sometimes, though, because I need exercise and sunlight!). Well, I do love adventures and exploring new things, so I don't mind going out as long as someone doesn't talk to me. Also, I was a bit traumatized when I was a kid. Back then, I used to talk a lot. A LOT. As in speaking my mind, going on and on about something random, and insulting people without a care in the world. But then people, even my own family, stopped listening halfway even if it was important... so because of that, I believe that no one is going to really "listen" to me, as in listen for reals, and I kept my mouth clamped shut ever since. As for the people I called classmates in elementary school, middle school, and high school, all they talk about is gossip and things that are so shallow that it's ridiculous. Trust me, I know because I was surrounded by these people almost everyday except summer XD. I do know that they talk about deep stuff with their friends, but then again I know I will never get along with people who will never understand the reason why I'm like this. Also, I've made really close friends who ended up leaving me for other people so I lost my trust in making new friends and such, and I believed that there's no point at all in making friends in the first place. So, that's why I have my books, my fanfics, and my computer to rely on whenever this happen XD. And it reenergizes me that I forget about all the bad things that happen to me. Instead, I channel my depression to reading and being optimistic about everything else such as writing fanfics and Arashi. That's why I'm glad that I found out about Arashi because without them, I wouldn't be the person I am now.
Enough about that depressing crap. I'm actually quite happy with everything right now and where I am because of the way I am. With being recluse in all, I'm actually trying to become successful. For example, I want to become a writer! It all started with writing fanfics, and it's thanks to being recluse that lead me to writing. I do need to go out, adventure, and explore more often, though. to gain more experiences in order to become a satisfied writer XD. I should really get to writing that essay. Thanks for reading my rant XD.