One shot - Songfic - Shock, horror, I'm down
Title: Shock, horror, I’m down
Genre: Drama, fluff , romance
Pairings: OT5, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-15, for some references
Wordcount: ~2500
Disclaimer: Fiction! :)
Note: Another sonfic; this one inspired by Ed Sheeran's 'I miss you'.
Shock, horror, I'm down,
Lost, you're not around
There's a lump in my chest
That sends cold through my head, and
My mind shuts sound out
I'm on auto-pilot,
And my tongue's gone silent
Just switch it off and lay it down,
Lay it down next to me.
“Shit...” Ohno muttered. A million thoughts were racing through his head.
“Ohno, are you okay?”
“No, no, no.... No...” The young artist whispered desperately to himself. It was ridiculous, this was not happening. Why was he feeling like this?!
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sho asked softly putting a hand on his shoulder. But Ohno took a step away.
He could hear Jun joking around with Aiba a little further away in their green room. At least they had not noticed his reaction to what Jun had just said.
He looked up to see Sho’s worried stare.
He forced a smile.
“I’m okay. Don’t worry.”
The taller man still did not seem convinced.
“You went pale just now... Is it what Jun said?”
Ohno bit his lip. “Did Jun say why he’s going to be away for... a week?” He asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
Sho’s expression turned from worry to amusement.
“Oh...” He smiled. “Jun didn’t say; but don’t you remember? It’s a location-filming for his latest drama.”
Ohno nodded and swallowed painfully.
Why did that need a week?! he wanted to shout.
He limited himself to: “Yeah... But you know... He’s never... left for that long before...” He paused and added hurriedly. “Not that I really mind!”
The younger man chuckled and patted his friend’s shoulder. “It’s a good thing, you know. It might bring more opportunities for him! It has not been that long since he’s been doing dramas...”
Seeing the pained expression, Sho went on. “But I know what you mean... It’s Nino... It’ll be weird not having him around...”
Ohno stayed silent...
He was angry at himself for not having paid attention when Nino had told him about this. He vaguely remembered it now... But of course being the spaced-out idiot he was, he had barely registered it...
He had not even said goodbye...
There was nothing he could say, really... Yes, it was a great opportunity for Nino...
And it’s not like he was unable to spend time away from him.
Not at all...
That would be ridiculous.
But why was he feeling like this then? This dizziness and disoriented feeling...
Ohno passed both hands through his purposely messy hair, trying to make sense of all this.
He had not felt like this when Sho had left for even longer than a week a few months back. Nor for Jun...
He loved all of his bandmates in the same way... Didn’t he?
Well, there had been that one time, but...
Before he could analyse any longer, the staff called them to move to the studio.
*
I don't know when I lost my mind
Maybe when I made you mine, whoa-oh-oh-oh
I don't know when I lost my mind
Maybe it was every time
That you said, you said, you said
That I miss you and I miss you
*
The filming passed by very quickly. Or at least that’s the vague impression Ohno got. He had participated even less than usual and had seen the others glancing at him, and Jun especially had glared at him for not speaking enough.
But he could not help it; his mind kept floating away, to where Nino could be... What he could be up to at that precise moment...
Ohno now sat on the roof of the company building, and was trying to tidy up his bundled up thoughts.
But however many times he twisted and rolled it around in his head, he could not explain his reaction when Jun had said Nino would be away.
That feeling of shock, of losing his balance, of lacking oxygen; it had all hit him at once.
Had he lost his mind? What was wrong with him?
In the few years since their debut, they had had times where they spent a few days apart. Of course they had.
But a whole week? Ohno doubted it...
How would it be, not having Nino around at all? Ohno tried to imagine it.
It was strange. Uncomfortable. Disorienting. Altogether unwanted.
But why was it so?!
He sighed in relief when his overworking brain finally gave him a reasonable answer.
The answer was in the question. He was so used to spending time with Nino, he found it unpleasant being apart from him. It also explained why he had not had the same reaction with his other bandmates. He had always spent more time with Nino somehow...
Thinking back to their time together since the debut, it had always been Nino and him, stuck together for some unexplainable reason.
Yes that was it. He was just unsettled by his Nino’s absence because of years of routine.
Ohno nodded to himself, reassured.
“Hey Riida!” A cheerful voice came from behind him.
“Hi Aiba-chan.” He answered, not looking back.
The tall man sat next to him and handed him one of the two sodas in his hand.
“I thought you could need the sugar... You looked tired earlier on.” He said brightly. “How are you feeling?”
Ohno hesitated. He still felt unsettled, but was somehow better, since he’d found the sensible reason for his earlier shock.
“I’m ok.” He answered, giving a genuine smile.
“Wow... This bad, huh?!” Aiba exclaimed shaking his head and patting Ohno’s shoulder.
Ohno raised an eyebrow. “No... really I’m fine.”
Aiba frowned.
“Really? So you won’t care if I say that we’ve just been told that Nino is actually only coming back in two weeks?”
Before he could do anything to stop it, Ohno felt his smile vanish and his eyes widen.
Aiba burst out laughing.
“I knew it!”
Ohno frowned. “What... what are you talking about?”
“You know, I’d been suspecting it for a while, but the others didn’t believe me!”
“Aiba!”
The tall man grinned. “You guys are dating! So secretive! You could have told us you know!”
Ohno stared at him and then shook his head.
No... Of course not. It’s Nino!”
Aiba laughed. “Yes, exactly. Look, there’s no way you can deny it! I knew it!”
“Okay, wait a second.” Ohno interrupted. “We never dated!”
“Sure you did!”
“I... Emm... I don’t think so...” The older man was suddenly uncertain. Sure they spent a lot of time together, but were they dating? It couldn’t be, could it?
Aiba frowned. “Well... you guys spent so much time together even when we didn’t work. So I figured...”
He paused. “Have you kissed?”
“No.” Ohno said firmly. Well, there was that one time, but he was trying very hard not to think about that.
The younger man took a gulp from his drink and stayed silent for a moment.
Finally he smiled.
“Okay, so maybe you weren’t dating. But I still think you love him.”
The shorted man frowned and felt his chest constrict slightly. No, he didn’t... He couldn’t...
“H-how... why do you think that?” He said, feeling his voice.
Aiba laughed. “The last time you participated this little during filming was when you’d had a quarrel with Nino. You were terrible today! Seriously! I even heard the director saying we should talk about fishing next time, just so that the fans wouldn’t think you’re going mute!”
Ohno bit his lip. Okay he had not participated, but that didn’t necessarily mean... He was trying to remember that quarrel and then it hit him. It was the day after that night...
“And apart from that, I just have a really strong feeling about this.” Aiba grinned, as though this was undeniable proof.
“Shoot!” He suddenly shouted as he jumped to his feet. “Have you seen the time? We need to go back!”
*
These words mean nothing to me
I'm just sitting on a fence of how it used to be
These three words are aching,
Constrict them- suffocating
My mind is racing
With the picture I'm painting
And my belly's sick to it's stomach
When I remember all the times it was with you when you laid it down
You lay down next to me.
*
It was quiet, there was only Jun and him in the changing room. The end of the day had finally come, and Ohno was tired of feeling like he still had not figured his feelings out.
He’d thought he had a reasonable explanation, but Aiba had opened up so many more questions.
Ohno glanced at the younger man packing up his bag, and suddenly could not take it anymore.
“Jun... Do you think I love Nino?” He asked, trying to sound calm.
The taller man dropped his bag from the bench in surprise.
“Wow!” he exclaimed, bending down it pick it up. “Riida! Seriously, warn people before just diving into topics like that!” He laughed.
But seeing Ohno’s expression, he went serious again.
“I’m not sure really... Aiba went to talk to you, didn’t he...”
Ohno nodded and sat down on the long bench against the wall.
“I just have no idea. I thought I didn’t. But then I sort of had a shock this morning when you said he’d left... And now I don’t know anymore...”
Jun sat down beside him and observed him for a moment.
“Okay just answer this honestly.” Jun asked. “Do you miss him? Do you feel like you’re really going to miss him this week? That it’s going to be difficult not having him around?”
Ohno opened his mouth but Jun added quickly. “And don’t say what you think you should say. Just really say what you’re feeling.”
The older man rubbed his eyes and felt something within him shift as the answer came tumbling through his lips.
“I miss him. I miss him already now and will definitely every day. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this week...”
He didn’t look up. He was afraid of his friend’s reaction. He felt like he was infringing the rules... But then, he realized he didn’t really care. The feeling of missing Nino overcame him and he felt his hands trembling.
“I miss him...” He said again, finally looking up.
Jun had a small smile and took his hands in his. “Hey... It’s okay Riida. It’s going to be alright.” He said in a warm voice.
I don't know when I lost my mind
Maybe when I made you mine, whoa-oh-oh-oh
I don't know when I lost my mind
Maybe it was every time
That you said, you said, you said
That I miss you
More than I let on
I kissed you
Far too long
I'll let go as soon as you do
See I know we're not through
They stayed like this, seating next to each other, for a while. Ohno slowly getting used to the idea there might be more to this than he had thought.
“Do you know when? When you started feeling this way?” Jun finally asked.
The older man sighed and nodded. He’d always avoided thinking about it, because whenever he did, it just confused him and made him feel like he was losing his mind. That was probably why he had also panicked this morning at his own emotions.
But deep within him, he’d always known that their relation had changed that night.... That drunken night.
“Do you remember that time a few months back when we had a fight?”
Jun nodded. “Of course! You spoke even less than today!”
“Well... That was because we... Okay so, it wasn’t really a fight. It’s more that, the night before that time started we... together... well, we were drunk and... it just kind of happened...” Ohno stuttered looking at his feet.
The younger man gaped at him. “Okay, again thanks for the warning...”
Ohno sighed. Images of that night flashed back to his mind, and made his stomach flutter.
In particular that last kiss, before they’d fallen asleep, which had seemed to go on for hours.
I don't know when I lost my mind
Maybe when I made you mine, whoa-oh-oh-oh
I don't know when I lost my mind
Maybe it was every time
That you said, you said, you said
And I miss you, that I miss you, whoa-oh-oh-oh.
I don't know when I lost my mind
Maybe it was every time
That you said, you said, you said
That I miss you.
He’d been so stupid...
Right after that night, Nino had said they should pretend like nothing had had happened, and Ohno had agreed. But somehow that had annoyed Nino, and he had avoided him for the next few days.
But now looking back, Ohno realized it was after this time, and after Nino had forgiven him, that the younger man had started to say ‘I miss you’ before hanging up from their long phone conversations in the evenings.
And being the clueless idiot he was, he’d just accepted it without ever saying it back.
But it was also after this time that he’d started being more aware of when Nino was away. And that he’d begun feeling less certain of his emotions towards the young man. But seeing as it was so much easier to just ignore these doubts and go on like nothing had changed, he’d done exactly that.
The young man hit the back of his head against the wall repeatedly. How would Nino react if he said ‘I miss you’ back, now...
He’d probably laugh at him... Or get angry, thinking Ohno’s making fun of him for saying it.
“Jun, what should I do...”
“You want advice from my wide experience with women?” He said, smirking.
Ohno raised an eyebrow.
Jun chuckled but then added seriously. “What I can say for sure is that, if you’re not honest with someone you care about, it will definitely become a part of your regrets...”
The older man let that sink in. It was a logical concept and yet difficult to apply.
They both jumped in surprise as Ohno’s phone started ringing.
The young man felt his heart skip a beat as he saw that it was Nino calling him.
Jun grabbed his bag and got up.
“Where... where are you going?” Ohno asked hurriedly, looking back and forth between Jun and his ringing phone.
The younger man smiled down at him.
“Home. It’s up to you now.”
And with a wave, he walked out, letting the door close behind him.
Ohno took a deep, trembling breath and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hey Oh-chan, man I’m so tired! You wouldn't believe...”
“I miss you!”
His voice echoed in the empty changing room.
He’d not meant to say it. At least not like that. But when he’d heard Nino’s voice, it just came out.
Now he was frozen. He could only hear Nino’s short breaths.
How long did it stay like this? Their breathing echoing each other...
“Well... That took you long enough!” Ohno heard the emotion in Nino’s soft voice.
But he a felt grin spreading on his own face as he heard Nino begin to laugh.
It was not his usual teasing laugh for when his bandmates acted like dorks or when they fell victim to his pranks.
It was a happiness laugh, pure and light, and Ohno grinned, feeling like his heart might burst from happiness.
“I miss you Nino!” He exclaimed again, even louder this time, like he wanted the whole world to heard it, and blushed as he heard Nino’s laugh get even louder.
***************
Hey everyone! It's been a while. I love this song and knew I had to make a cheesy ohmiya fic with it.
Did you know the song? How did you find the link?
As always, comments are loved! <3