[Fic] I Have Kept You In My Heart
Title : [Fic] I Have Kept You In My Heart 19
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Aiba/Becky, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : AU. Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Word count : around 4200 words
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
(This fic is also available in AO3)
(I Have Kept You In My Heart - 18)
The drive to the apartment was quicker than Jun had expected. Normally by that time, the roads were already congested with vehicles; those who were traveling to and from Tanashi-cho, and the nearby cities, but it wasn’t really the case this time around. Usually, it would bother Jun to the point where he was most certain he would try to find out what was causing it, but he was too busy ignoring Sakurai-Sensei’s presence next to him to even bother.
He’d contemplated starting off a conversation to stave off the awkward air hanging in between them, but he honestly didn’t know how to. Sakurai-Sensei seemed not too pleased with the idea either, seeing that he was also trying his best to avoid catching Jun’s eyes through the overhead mirror.
So he just busied himself with his phone, messaging Yuri that they were on their way. He also realized then that Ohno had left him a voicemail minutes after he’d talked to Yuri earlier, but decided he’d rather not replied.
Once they got to the apartment, however, he found Yuri lounging at the front of their apartment building, waiting for him. That was surprising, because he’d expected the younger man sitting cozily inside the apartment the way he normally would if Ohno was there. Ignoring that, he gestured for Yuri to follow him, leading the way up to the sixth floor, but not before excusing himself from Sakurai-Sensei, who had opted on staying back in the car and wait for him there instead.
Just as Ohno had mentioned, the art samples he’d chosen himself were packed and ready, so it didn’t even take him long to hand them over to Yuri who was, as expected, efficient in boxing the samples up and had barely talked while he was at it. Once done, Yuri simply excused himself and left without another word.
For a moment there, Jun wondered if he’d somehow made things awkward between him and Yuri, given the fact that the Yuri saw him arrived there in the apartment with another man. A part of him felt a strange satisfaction in that, but the other, more sensible part was worried Yuri might think he was cheating on Ohno when it was the exact opposite.
The irony of it all made him wince, and being there alone, with just the memory of the last time he and Ohno were here, when they’ve talked, argued, made that ugly feeling inside him worse. Pulling himself together after all that was hard enough, but he had to try. For his mental well being, for himself, period. He should. He couldn’t stay where he was and expect things to get better, because that’s obviously not going to happen. A lot had happened in just a handful of days that he no longer believed there was even the slightest chance that he and Ohno would be able to fix things between them, or if they even wanted to.
Somehow, he supposed he should have seen this coming from miles away. He really should have, only he didn’t; he’d turned a blind eye on it and soldiered on as if nothing was wrong. As if he hadn’t been quietly dying when he realized Ohno would never love him the way he loved and cherished Ninomiya even after his death, how he’d been suffering every day thereafter, bearing everything in silence because he thought he could live with the fact that Ohno’s heart would never completely belong to him.
It was high time he changed that, really.
Letting out another deep sigh, he gave the place he’d considered his home for the last five years and smiled. The memories were the only thing left here, aside from the stuff he and Ohno shared over the years. Those were the hardest to let go of, but he would do it. He had to.
“Goodbye,” he muttered, pivoting quickly before striding towards the direction of the door.
+
Sho had no intention of leaving Jun-san alone, even though that was obviously what the other man wanted. He couldn’t, especially not after everything he’d heard the night before. He knew better than to act like an obsessed man, though that was exactly what he was doing, the way he was following Jun-san around like this, but it was hard to act all sensible when the mere thought of losing Jun-san because he didn’t take him seriously was enough to scare the wits out of him.
He’d watched the other man from the corner of his eyes during the entire ride from Oguri-san’s home to Jun-san’s apartment, biting his tongue to keep himself from asking questions. A part of him was sure Jun-san would rather not talk about the things he’d unwillingly shared the night before, but the doctor part of him was determined to know more.
He knew this was no longer just a simple case of curiosity. Hell, he realized he was simply acting on pure instinct, seeing how obvious it was that he was no longer thinking things through as he followed Jun-san around. A tiny part of him was telling him to be careful, to take a step back and look at things in a different perspective, but that bigger, un-ignorable part of him no longer gave a shit.
He sighed, dropping his head on his hands that were gripping the steering wheel tightly, weighing things in his mind. On one hand, he knew exactly what prompted this. What made him act like this, because he knew himself enough to realize this early on. On the other, however, pursuing it would complicate things. He didn’t even need to be a doctor to figure that out, obviously.
Professionally speaking, he wasn’t supposed to be doing this, to be acting like this. He could lose his job and his license for acting on his emotions, but, what choice did he have? And well, it wasn’t like he’d told Jun-san how he felt, anyway, but a part of him wondered if the other man hadn’t noticed it yet. He wasn’t exactly trying to hide it, far from it really, and he was certain that even Jun-san’s friends could tell the difference.
God, what was he supposed to do with himself now?
The passenger’s side door opened, effectively startling him. Jun-san looked like he was trying his best not to smile when he sat next to him and buckled himself up.
Sho’s fingers itched to touch that would-be smile but he had to struggle hard not to. Instead, he gripped the steering wheel tighter and turned to give Jun-san a look.
“Did something happen?” he asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. He gave Jun-san another once-over, frowning at the way Jun-san chuckled as he shook his head.
Sho wondered what happened. “Looks like something did,” he reiterated, shifting sideways so he was facing Jun-san fully. “What is it?”
Jun-san shook his head, as if he was still trying to process his thoughts, as if he had no idea how to say what he was thinking. He was staring at his palm like they held the answers to every single question Sho was asking him.
“Jun-san, are you okay?”
Jun-san lifted his head then and looked him in the eyes. “Maybe,” Jun-san said, “I’m not sure, though.”
Sho frowned; he was not sure if the other man was doing it on purpose, but he sure sounded like he had something to say but was considering whether he should even say it.
“Well, maybe we could talk about it over dinner?” he proposed, hoping Jun-san would say yes. “I mean, since it’s already almost dinnertime and -“
“Okay,” Jun-san said, cutting him off curtly. “Okay, Sensei.” Jun-san agreed, smiling genuinely for like the very first time since Sho met him.
Sho felt his entire world flipped in that moment, watched Jun-san’s smile lingered for just a while longer for Sho to enjoy. His arm moved on its own before he could stop it, reaching across the short distance to poke Jun-san on the cheek with a grin, just a few seconds contact that sent his heart racing.
No one said anything after that, but the answering blush on Jun-san’s cheek told Sho everything he hoped to hear and more.
When he took his hand back and started the car, Jun-san wasn’t the only one who was smiling.
+
Ohno was already driving back to Tokyo when a call from Aiba made him consider turning the car around and driving back to Chiba instead. He pulled over to the side of the road just to be safe, and pressed his phone firmly against his left ear.
“Nino wants you to what?” he clarified, because maybe, he heard it wrong.
Aiba’s voice was clearer when he answered. “He wants me to take him back to the house,” Aiba said, slowly, and Ohno felt his chest constrict with something akin to fear. “in Choshi. Where the accident happened. Oh-chan, what should I do?” Aiba asked, and that unspoken, ‘Do you think it’s safe?’ remained unsaid, but Ohno heard it just the same.
He felt that phantom fear resurfacing; tasting bile in his tongue hearing the same terror marring Aiba’s tone despite the way the other man was trying to hide it. Ohno shut his eyes tightly for a moment and breathed through his nose, hoping that would ease the tension gripping him from the inside. It didn’t, not even the slightest bit, but he had no intention of letting Aiba in on the secret. Not now, at least.
“Did he mention when he wants to go?” he asked the first thing that came to mind, his other free hand absently reaching up to scrub his face in frustration.
“Actually, he wants to go right now, but I told him we’ll have to check in with his doctor first. He’s insisting there’s no need for us to do that because he’s fine. Jesus, I don’t know what else to tell him so he would stop asking.”
“Just ignore him for now and, I don’t know, go home? Tell him you have work early tomorrow.”
Aiba seemed to consider that for a moment before he murmured, “Oh-chan, it’s Saturday. Tomorrow is Sunday.”
Right, fuck. He’d completely forgotten what day it was because of all that chaos.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, it completely slipped my mind,” he sighed, unable to come up with something better to say. He should have seen this coming, hell, he was planning on doing the same thing when he was certain it was safe enough to do so, but not so soon.
“To tell you the truth, I was actually planning on doing that, too,” he told Aiba after a moment of tensed silence, “I mean, I’ve been thinking that it might help trigger something if I took him there, if he should see the place where it all happened. But someday, when we’re sure he’s okay, and not anytime soon.”
“Agreed,” Aiba retorted, hurriedly, “So, now what’s the plan? I mean, I am totally okay with your ‘let’s ignore him for now’ strategy, but just to remind you of the possibilities that he could actually find a way to go there himself when we’re not looking? You do know it’s just his legs that aren’t working properly right now, yes? His brain is obviously working better than ever. He could totally wheel himself out of the house and find a cab to take him anywhere he wants to go.”
“He can’t do that without money, though,” he countered, feeling slightly cruel for even thinking it.
“Oh-chan, it’s Nino we’re talking about here,” Aiba said, sounding as if he meant to call Ohno out on his apparent naivety. “That guy had to have money stashed somewhere. I mean, I won’t even be surprised to know that he has savings meant for emergencies like this. Or an account he’s kept a secret from everyone else, probably not even his mother was able to touch when we thought he died. And anyway, let’s be honest here, Oh-chan; the supposed lack of money obviously won’t stop Nino from wanting to pursue the truth, you of all people should know that.”
He sighed. “I’m honestly running out of suggestions here, Aiba-chan,” he said, and meaning it.
“I know,” Aiba said, sounding like he was running out of options too. “I’ll still try the doctor card for now; maybe we could convince Nino to delay this site visit if he has to hear the reason why he can’t go there yet, straight from his doctor himself. Otherwise, I’m calling you back and telling you I’m sending my girl friend home tonight.”
He frowned. “Right. But why do I need to be informed about you sending your girl home?” he asked, confused.
“No idea,” Aiba quipped; Ohno could picture him giggling, and the thought made him smile despite himself. “But maybe I’m just trying to earn your sympathy, since I might end up sleeping on the streets after tonight when Becky realizes I’m ditching her to be with my best friend. Which is totally not the case here, of course, but you know how it is with our respective significant others, right? They tend to be a little, um, possessive and jealous for no apparent reason.”
Ohno chuckled, remembering how very obviously indulgent Aiba’s girlfriend was. The way she smiled and nodded, and had looked at her boyfriend with his best friend over, how genuinely happy she seemed watching them, and knew Aiba was simply exaggerating. It was clear that his girlfriend knew the deal; it wasn’t that hard not to notice it during the short period of time he was there with them.
Somehow, that, too, served to remind Ohno about his current predicament involving himself and Jun. He’d let this go on for so long now that it was a miracle things hadn’t snapped yet. But they’re almost there. He could feel it. It was just a matter of time before everything came crashing down on him, trapping him underneath all the rubble of hate and regret he’d created himself because of his selfishness.
“I’d have to agree with you on that one too, Aiba-chan.” He said a moment later, wondering if Aiba was even expecting an answer.
The sound of Aiba’s breathy laughter came a second later, and Ohno’s chest expanded as he exhaled.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting you to, but thanks, I guess?” Aiba mumbled without missing a beat. “Anyway, I’ll just talk to you later, yeah? Let’s see if I can get a hold of Nino’s doctor first. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“Thanks, Aiba-chan.”
“No problem, Oh-chan. Bye for now.” Aiba said before he hung up. Ohno stared at his phone for a moment longer, contemplating calling Aiba back and ask him if he could talk to Nino, or call Jun, who obviously had no intention of answering, given the circumstances.
In the end, he decided on calling Yuri, to see whether he still have to go back to Tokyo for the samples, or just stay here in Chiba to wait. He’d avoid doing both if he could, but that’s obviously not the right choice now that his work could be hugely affected by his decisions. He obviously couldn’t do anything to fix his relationship with Jun now that Nino was here, it was a lost cause at this point, really, but maybe, he could still do something about their livelihood, the job he and Jun worked hard for for years.
Heaving another sigh, he tapped on the call icon, searched Yuri’s name from the call history and made the call.
+
He paced around, still unable to make sense of everything he’d heard. Ninomiya was alive? How was that even possible? Fuck, but Ninomiya wasn’t breathing anymore when he left him there that night! He was careful, he was so very careful, he made sure of it himself before he left, when he put that necklace in Ninomiya’s hand, as was planned, he had made sure. He had to be sure, but now they’re saying he’s alive?
Unbelievable.
But the other man seemed so sure of it, yelling at him from the other end of the line as if he had the fucking right. He would pay for that, he’d make sure of it. If what he said was true, if Ninomiya really was alive somewhere, he was going to find him and he was goign kill him again. This time, he’d make sure Ninomiya would stay dead.
Then he’d kill him. Tying up loose ends should have been his first priority back then, but he didn’t, only because he didn’t think it still mattered after Ninomiya’s death.
He had been wrong, of course.
Everyone who died should stay dead. This time, he’d make sure of it.
+
They were still on the road and having a heated discussion about which restaurant they should go to when Jun’s phone started vibrating in his pocket. He’d ignore it in favor of telling the doctor off about his favorite go-to Italian restaurant, but decided to reconsider it when he realized it could be Yuri who was calling.
What if Higayashima-san’s office was already closed? Crap, that would be bad.
“Hold that thought, Sensei,” he said, gesturing with his hand as he fished out his phone. Sakurai-Sensei snapped his mouth shut and Jun found a smile for him. He took his phone out to check who was calling and felt a sudden headache coming.
It was Ohno. Jun contemplated answering, but a part of him was sure Ohno was not calling about the two of them, about how to resolve their long-been-put-on-hold issue, but probably about the samples Yuri picked up earlier. But if that wasn’t the reason Ohno was calling, well then, maybe they could set a date.
He sighed and answered anyway. “Yeah?”
Ohno seemed surprised when he answered; he guessed he couldn’t exactly blame him. “Jun? Sorry for calling, I know I’m the last person you’d rather talk to but I...I just need to confirm whether Yuri-kun already picked up the samples? I’m actually on my way to the apartment, but I’m not sure what time I’ll reach there.”
“Yes,” he said, “He didn’t tell you?”
“No, he’s not answering any of my calls now,” Ohno retorted, and Jun could very clearly picture him shaking his head, eyes narrowed and expression pinched. “Does that mean you gave the samples to him?”
“Yes. It hasn’t even been more than fifteen minutes since he left the apartment though. Anyway, I’m sure he would call if there’s any problem. He’s probably almost there in the office that’s why he’s not answering. You don’t need to go back anymore since I’ve already taken care of it. I mean, if that’s why you’re calling.”
“Uh, okay, if you say so,” Ohno muttered after a beat, and Jun felt slightly guilty for talking to Ohno like that. Well, it wasn’t like he was being rude, he thought; he was just being truthful. “But I do have something to ask you, if it’s okay?”
He glanced to his right, wondering if Sakurai-Sensei was listening. Obviously, the doctor could hear him talking; Jun wondered what the doctor was thinking, if he was curious about who Jun was talking to.
He chuckled to himself and instead darted his eyes to the front, careful not to keep checking Sakurai-Sensei from the corner of his eyes.
“Sure, what is it?” he told Ohno.
“One of these days, when we’re both - I mean, when we’re both not so busy with...with some stuff...I - Do you think it’s okay if we could, you know, talk? If it’s okay with you, that is,” Ohno said; Jun noted how serious Ohno had sounded, as if he was being careful, too careful, the way his voice sounded thin and filled with emotion Jun couldn’t put his fingers on.
He sighed and tried not to be distracted with the unpleasantness of the situation, of the way he’d been obviously trying to cover up the hurt by letting someone else fill the gaps Ohno left in him since this whole Ninomiya-thing started. Which would be technically how it always had been, apparently, ever since he’d decided to stay with Ohno. The fact that Ninomiya had always been there, shadowing Jun’s very existence as if he wasn’t even there, even when Ninomiya wasn’t supposed to be. He had been very much alive in Ohno’s heart and memory even in his death that Jun had clearly developed a complex, trying to compete with the dead.
Who would even thought that wasn’t the case? That the greatest rival he’d secretly hated had been alive all this time and was just waiting for the perfect time to come back and retrieve what was originally his?
Should it even surprise him to know that Ohno would do this, run to where Ninomiya was at the very mention of his name, after finding out Ninomiya was alive? No, it shouldn’t. But it still hurt like hell, and Jun hoped there’d be a time, someday, when it wouldn’t anymore.
“Sure, but not so soon, okay?” he murmured, hoping he didn’t sound as pathetic as he felt. “I know we have to settle this - this issue, but I’m still - I’m still not ready to talk to you, about this, about us. But I will be. Maybe not now, or a week later, but I promise I’ll let you know when. Just. Not now, okay?” he pointed out, hoping Ohno would understand.
“Of course, Jun,” Ohno agreed. It was as if he could read Jun’s mind in that moment, and for that, Jun was glad. “Of course. Whenever you’re ready. You’ll let me know, yes?”
“I will.”
“Okay,” Ohno breathed, relief and sadness mingling, and Jun could very well hear the apologies in his voice that Ohno couldn’t say so in words. “Okay, Jun.”
“Bye, Satoshi.” He said, and ended the call. He breathed deeply and released it in one go. He felt so much lighter than he had in days, and he was glad for that, too.
When he glanced to his right, he realized Sakurai-Sensei’s expression was soft, a little smile playing across his pretty lips.
“You okay, Jun-san?” Sakurai-Sensei asked.
Jun nodded. “Yeah,” he answered, meaning it. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
+
“What, now?!” Aiba exclaimed, part-surprised and equal-parts horrified. Next to him, Becky’s hand found his, squeezing their fingers together knowingly. On the sofa where Nino’s mother and sister sat, Aiba spied them both wearing twin looks of disapproval upon hearing Nino’s very sudden request.
“Well, you’re driving Becky-chan home anyway,” Nino said, waving his hand. “So, why not take me with you instead of driving back here again to pick me up? That’s obviously just a gigantic waste of time and money, if you ask me. Just think about the amount of gas you’ll be able to save if you agree with my suggestion.”
Aiba didn’t bother answering; hell, he’d expected this as soon as Nino found out he was driving Becky home. He couldn’t even lie about being able to talk to Nino’s doctor either, because he was sure Nino would have him call the doctor back so he could talk to him personally. Well, that was another problem he’d been trying to resolve for the past half hour, because it was obvious that the doctor had simply turned his off his phone. He hadn’t been able to reach the doctor no matter how many times he’d tried calling.
“But, Nino-chan -“
“Or, are you just trying to trick me into agreeing to that ridiculous plan of yours because you have no intention of going back here to pick me up? Aiba-shi, you do know I don’t need any of you to accompany me to the house I grew up in, right? I may have lost most of my adult memories, but that doesn’t mean I’ve lost everything. I still know my way around Tokyo and Chiba, and I also don’t need two working legs to take me places I needed to go. The wheelchair is there for a reason, as I’m sure you’re aware.”
Aiba winced; that was exactly what he’d told Ohno earlier. Surely, Nino hadn’t been listening to him talking to Ohno, right?
“But Kazu, no one lives in that house anymore,” Nino’s mother said, her very first words since they all sat down to talk. “You’re not actually thinking of staying the night there, are you?”
Nino turned to give his mother a look. “Well, that depends on Aiba-shi’s hospitality, if he’s willing to play host for me for one night. Also, if it’s okay with Becky-chan, of course.”
“You’re more than welcome to stay with us, Ninomiya-kun,” Becky said; Aiba honestly felt a little bad for dragging her into this, though it wasn’t like he had any other choices left at this point.
“That’s settled then,” Nino exclaimed, as he darted his gaze towards each of them before settling his eyes on Aiba. “If you want to inform Ohno-san, please do it tomorrow, preferably after you’ve taken me back to the house. I don’t want him there while I check the place, Aiba-shi. I hope you understand.”
Becky’s fingers squeezed his own again, as if quietly telling him it’s okay, that everything’s going to be fine. He had to trust that after this, eventually, things would turn for the better, for them, for Nino especially.
He nodded in agreement, but his heart wasn’t in it.
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Aiba/Becky, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : AU. Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Word count : around 4200 words
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
(This fic is also available in AO3)
(I Have Kept You In My Heart - 18)
The drive to the apartment was quicker than Jun had expected. Normally by that time, the roads were already congested with vehicles; those who were traveling to and from Tanashi-cho, and the nearby cities, but it wasn’t really the case this time around. Usually, it would bother Jun to the point where he was most certain he would try to find out what was causing it, but he was too busy ignoring Sakurai-Sensei’s presence next to him to even bother.
He’d contemplated starting off a conversation to stave off the awkward air hanging in between them, but he honestly didn’t know how to. Sakurai-Sensei seemed not too pleased with the idea either, seeing that he was also trying his best to avoid catching Jun’s eyes through the overhead mirror.
So he just busied himself with his phone, messaging Yuri that they were on their way. He also realized then that Ohno had left him a voicemail minutes after he’d talked to Yuri earlier, but decided he’d rather not replied.
Once they got to the apartment, however, he found Yuri lounging at the front of their apartment building, waiting for him. That was surprising, because he’d expected the younger man sitting cozily inside the apartment the way he normally would if Ohno was there. Ignoring that, he gestured for Yuri to follow him, leading the way up to the sixth floor, but not before excusing himself from Sakurai-Sensei, who had opted on staying back in the car and wait for him there instead.
Just as Ohno had mentioned, the art samples he’d chosen himself were packed and ready, so it didn’t even take him long to hand them over to Yuri who was, as expected, efficient in boxing the samples up and had barely talked while he was at it. Once done, Yuri simply excused himself and left without another word.
For a moment there, Jun wondered if he’d somehow made things awkward between him and Yuri, given the fact that the Yuri saw him arrived there in the apartment with another man. A part of him felt a strange satisfaction in that, but the other, more sensible part was worried Yuri might think he was cheating on Ohno when it was the exact opposite.
The irony of it all made him wince, and being there alone, with just the memory of the last time he and Ohno were here, when they’ve talked, argued, made that ugly feeling inside him worse. Pulling himself together after all that was hard enough, but he had to try. For his mental well being, for himself, period. He should. He couldn’t stay where he was and expect things to get better, because that’s obviously not going to happen. A lot had happened in just a handful of days that he no longer believed there was even the slightest chance that he and Ohno would be able to fix things between them, or if they even wanted to.
Somehow, he supposed he should have seen this coming from miles away. He really should have, only he didn’t; he’d turned a blind eye on it and soldiered on as if nothing was wrong. As if he hadn’t been quietly dying when he realized Ohno would never love him the way he loved and cherished Ninomiya even after his death, how he’d been suffering every day thereafter, bearing everything in silence because he thought he could live with the fact that Ohno’s heart would never completely belong to him.
It was high time he changed that, really.
Letting out another deep sigh, he gave the place he’d considered his home for the last five years and smiled. The memories were the only thing left here, aside from the stuff he and Ohno shared over the years. Those were the hardest to let go of, but he would do it. He had to.
“Goodbye,” he muttered, pivoting quickly before striding towards the direction of the door.
+
Sho had no intention of leaving Jun-san alone, even though that was obviously what the other man wanted. He couldn’t, especially not after everything he’d heard the night before. He knew better than to act like an obsessed man, though that was exactly what he was doing, the way he was following Jun-san around like this, but it was hard to act all sensible when the mere thought of losing Jun-san because he didn’t take him seriously was enough to scare the wits out of him.
He’d watched the other man from the corner of his eyes during the entire ride from Oguri-san’s home to Jun-san’s apartment, biting his tongue to keep himself from asking questions. A part of him was sure Jun-san would rather not talk about the things he’d unwillingly shared the night before, but the doctor part of him was determined to know more.
He knew this was no longer just a simple case of curiosity. Hell, he realized he was simply acting on pure instinct, seeing how obvious it was that he was no longer thinking things through as he followed Jun-san around. A tiny part of him was telling him to be careful, to take a step back and look at things in a different perspective, but that bigger, un-ignorable part of him no longer gave a shit.
He sighed, dropping his head on his hands that were gripping the steering wheel tightly, weighing things in his mind. On one hand, he knew exactly what prompted this. What made him act like this, because he knew himself enough to realize this early on. On the other, however, pursuing it would complicate things. He didn’t even need to be a doctor to figure that out, obviously.
Professionally speaking, he wasn’t supposed to be doing this, to be acting like this. He could lose his job and his license for acting on his emotions, but, what choice did he have? And well, it wasn’t like he’d told Jun-san how he felt, anyway, but a part of him wondered if the other man hadn’t noticed it yet. He wasn’t exactly trying to hide it, far from it really, and he was certain that even Jun-san’s friends could tell the difference.
God, what was he supposed to do with himself now?
The passenger’s side door opened, effectively startling him. Jun-san looked like he was trying his best not to smile when he sat next to him and buckled himself up.
Sho’s fingers itched to touch that would-be smile but he had to struggle hard not to. Instead, he gripped the steering wheel tighter and turned to give Jun-san a look.
“Did something happen?” he asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. He gave Jun-san another once-over, frowning at the way Jun-san chuckled as he shook his head.
Sho wondered what happened. “Looks like something did,” he reiterated, shifting sideways so he was facing Jun-san fully. “What is it?”
Jun-san shook his head, as if he was still trying to process his thoughts, as if he had no idea how to say what he was thinking. He was staring at his palm like they held the answers to every single question Sho was asking him.
“Jun-san, are you okay?”
Jun-san lifted his head then and looked him in the eyes. “Maybe,” Jun-san said, “I’m not sure, though.”
Sho frowned; he was not sure if the other man was doing it on purpose, but he sure sounded like he had something to say but was considering whether he should even say it.
“Well, maybe we could talk about it over dinner?” he proposed, hoping Jun-san would say yes. “I mean, since it’s already almost dinnertime and -“
“Okay,” Jun-san said, cutting him off curtly. “Okay, Sensei.” Jun-san agreed, smiling genuinely for like the very first time since Sho met him.
Sho felt his entire world flipped in that moment, watched Jun-san’s smile lingered for just a while longer for Sho to enjoy. His arm moved on its own before he could stop it, reaching across the short distance to poke Jun-san on the cheek with a grin, just a few seconds contact that sent his heart racing.
No one said anything after that, but the answering blush on Jun-san’s cheek told Sho everything he hoped to hear and more.
When he took his hand back and started the car, Jun-san wasn’t the only one who was smiling.
+
Ohno was already driving back to Tokyo when a call from Aiba made him consider turning the car around and driving back to Chiba instead. He pulled over to the side of the road just to be safe, and pressed his phone firmly against his left ear.
“Nino wants you to what?” he clarified, because maybe, he heard it wrong.
Aiba’s voice was clearer when he answered. “He wants me to take him back to the house,” Aiba said, slowly, and Ohno felt his chest constrict with something akin to fear. “in Choshi. Where the accident happened. Oh-chan, what should I do?” Aiba asked, and that unspoken, ‘Do you think it’s safe?’ remained unsaid, but Ohno heard it just the same.
He felt that phantom fear resurfacing; tasting bile in his tongue hearing the same terror marring Aiba’s tone despite the way the other man was trying to hide it. Ohno shut his eyes tightly for a moment and breathed through his nose, hoping that would ease the tension gripping him from the inside. It didn’t, not even the slightest bit, but he had no intention of letting Aiba in on the secret. Not now, at least.
“Did he mention when he wants to go?” he asked the first thing that came to mind, his other free hand absently reaching up to scrub his face in frustration.
“Actually, he wants to go right now, but I told him we’ll have to check in with his doctor first. He’s insisting there’s no need for us to do that because he’s fine. Jesus, I don’t know what else to tell him so he would stop asking.”
“Just ignore him for now and, I don’t know, go home? Tell him you have work early tomorrow.”
Aiba seemed to consider that for a moment before he murmured, “Oh-chan, it’s Saturday. Tomorrow is Sunday.”
Right, fuck. He’d completely forgotten what day it was because of all that chaos.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, it completely slipped my mind,” he sighed, unable to come up with something better to say. He should have seen this coming, hell, he was planning on doing the same thing when he was certain it was safe enough to do so, but not so soon.
“To tell you the truth, I was actually planning on doing that, too,” he told Aiba after a moment of tensed silence, “I mean, I’ve been thinking that it might help trigger something if I took him there, if he should see the place where it all happened. But someday, when we’re sure he’s okay, and not anytime soon.”
“Agreed,” Aiba retorted, hurriedly, “So, now what’s the plan? I mean, I am totally okay with your ‘let’s ignore him for now’ strategy, but just to remind you of the possibilities that he could actually find a way to go there himself when we’re not looking? You do know it’s just his legs that aren’t working properly right now, yes? His brain is obviously working better than ever. He could totally wheel himself out of the house and find a cab to take him anywhere he wants to go.”
“He can’t do that without money, though,” he countered, feeling slightly cruel for even thinking it.
“Oh-chan, it’s Nino we’re talking about here,” Aiba said, sounding as if he meant to call Ohno out on his apparent naivety. “That guy had to have money stashed somewhere. I mean, I won’t even be surprised to know that he has savings meant for emergencies like this. Or an account he’s kept a secret from everyone else, probably not even his mother was able to touch when we thought he died. And anyway, let’s be honest here, Oh-chan; the supposed lack of money obviously won’t stop Nino from wanting to pursue the truth, you of all people should know that.”
He sighed. “I’m honestly running out of suggestions here, Aiba-chan,” he said, and meaning it.
“I know,” Aiba said, sounding like he was running out of options too. “I’ll still try the doctor card for now; maybe we could convince Nino to delay this site visit if he has to hear the reason why he can’t go there yet, straight from his doctor himself. Otherwise, I’m calling you back and telling you I’m sending my girl friend home tonight.”
He frowned. “Right. But why do I need to be informed about you sending your girl home?” he asked, confused.
“No idea,” Aiba quipped; Ohno could picture him giggling, and the thought made him smile despite himself. “But maybe I’m just trying to earn your sympathy, since I might end up sleeping on the streets after tonight when Becky realizes I’m ditching her to be with my best friend. Which is totally not the case here, of course, but you know how it is with our respective significant others, right? They tend to be a little, um, possessive and jealous for no apparent reason.”
Ohno chuckled, remembering how very obviously indulgent Aiba’s girlfriend was. The way she smiled and nodded, and had looked at her boyfriend with his best friend over, how genuinely happy she seemed watching them, and knew Aiba was simply exaggerating. It was clear that his girlfriend knew the deal; it wasn’t that hard not to notice it during the short period of time he was there with them.
Somehow, that, too, served to remind Ohno about his current predicament involving himself and Jun. He’d let this go on for so long now that it was a miracle things hadn’t snapped yet. But they’re almost there. He could feel it. It was just a matter of time before everything came crashing down on him, trapping him underneath all the rubble of hate and regret he’d created himself because of his selfishness.
“I’d have to agree with you on that one too, Aiba-chan.” He said a moment later, wondering if Aiba was even expecting an answer.
The sound of Aiba’s breathy laughter came a second later, and Ohno’s chest expanded as he exhaled.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting you to, but thanks, I guess?” Aiba mumbled without missing a beat. “Anyway, I’ll just talk to you later, yeah? Let’s see if I can get a hold of Nino’s doctor first. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“Thanks, Aiba-chan.”
“No problem, Oh-chan. Bye for now.” Aiba said before he hung up. Ohno stared at his phone for a moment longer, contemplating calling Aiba back and ask him if he could talk to Nino, or call Jun, who obviously had no intention of answering, given the circumstances.
In the end, he decided on calling Yuri, to see whether he still have to go back to Tokyo for the samples, or just stay here in Chiba to wait. He’d avoid doing both if he could, but that’s obviously not the right choice now that his work could be hugely affected by his decisions. He obviously couldn’t do anything to fix his relationship with Jun now that Nino was here, it was a lost cause at this point, really, but maybe, he could still do something about their livelihood, the job he and Jun worked hard for for years.
Heaving another sigh, he tapped on the call icon, searched Yuri’s name from the call history and made the call.
+
He paced around, still unable to make sense of everything he’d heard. Ninomiya was alive? How was that even possible? Fuck, but Ninomiya wasn’t breathing anymore when he left him there that night! He was careful, he was so very careful, he made sure of it himself before he left, when he put that necklace in Ninomiya’s hand, as was planned, he had made sure. He had to be sure, but now they’re saying he’s alive?
Unbelievable.
But the other man seemed so sure of it, yelling at him from the other end of the line as if he had the fucking right. He would pay for that, he’d make sure of it. If what he said was true, if Ninomiya really was alive somewhere, he was going to find him and he was goign kill him again. This time, he’d make sure Ninomiya would stay dead.
Then he’d kill him. Tying up loose ends should have been his first priority back then, but he didn’t, only because he didn’t think it still mattered after Ninomiya’s death.
He had been wrong, of course.
Everyone who died should stay dead. This time, he’d make sure of it.
+
They were still on the road and having a heated discussion about which restaurant they should go to when Jun’s phone started vibrating in his pocket. He’d ignore it in favor of telling the doctor off about his favorite go-to Italian restaurant, but decided to reconsider it when he realized it could be Yuri who was calling.
What if Higayashima-san’s office was already closed? Crap, that would be bad.
“Hold that thought, Sensei,” he said, gesturing with his hand as he fished out his phone. Sakurai-Sensei snapped his mouth shut and Jun found a smile for him. He took his phone out to check who was calling and felt a sudden headache coming.
It was Ohno. Jun contemplated answering, but a part of him was sure Ohno was not calling about the two of them, about how to resolve their long-been-put-on-hold issue, but probably about the samples Yuri picked up earlier. But if that wasn’t the reason Ohno was calling, well then, maybe they could set a date.
He sighed and answered anyway. “Yeah?”
Ohno seemed surprised when he answered; he guessed he couldn’t exactly blame him. “Jun? Sorry for calling, I know I’m the last person you’d rather talk to but I...I just need to confirm whether Yuri-kun already picked up the samples? I’m actually on my way to the apartment, but I’m not sure what time I’ll reach there.”
“Yes,” he said, “He didn’t tell you?”
“No, he’s not answering any of my calls now,” Ohno retorted, and Jun could very clearly picture him shaking his head, eyes narrowed and expression pinched. “Does that mean you gave the samples to him?”
“Yes. It hasn’t even been more than fifteen minutes since he left the apartment though. Anyway, I’m sure he would call if there’s any problem. He’s probably almost there in the office that’s why he’s not answering. You don’t need to go back anymore since I’ve already taken care of it. I mean, if that’s why you’re calling.”
“Uh, okay, if you say so,” Ohno muttered after a beat, and Jun felt slightly guilty for talking to Ohno like that. Well, it wasn’t like he was being rude, he thought; he was just being truthful. “But I do have something to ask you, if it’s okay?”
He glanced to his right, wondering if Sakurai-Sensei was listening. Obviously, the doctor could hear him talking; Jun wondered what the doctor was thinking, if he was curious about who Jun was talking to.
He chuckled to himself and instead darted his eyes to the front, careful not to keep checking Sakurai-Sensei from the corner of his eyes.
“Sure, what is it?” he told Ohno.
“One of these days, when we’re both - I mean, when we’re both not so busy with...with some stuff...I - Do you think it’s okay if we could, you know, talk? If it’s okay with you, that is,” Ohno said; Jun noted how serious Ohno had sounded, as if he was being careful, too careful, the way his voice sounded thin and filled with emotion Jun couldn’t put his fingers on.
He sighed and tried not to be distracted with the unpleasantness of the situation, of the way he’d been obviously trying to cover up the hurt by letting someone else fill the gaps Ohno left in him since this whole Ninomiya-thing started. Which would be technically how it always had been, apparently, ever since he’d decided to stay with Ohno. The fact that Ninomiya had always been there, shadowing Jun’s very existence as if he wasn’t even there, even when Ninomiya wasn’t supposed to be. He had been very much alive in Ohno’s heart and memory even in his death that Jun had clearly developed a complex, trying to compete with the dead.
Who would even thought that wasn’t the case? That the greatest rival he’d secretly hated had been alive all this time and was just waiting for the perfect time to come back and retrieve what was originally his?
Should it even surprise him to know that Ohno would do this, run to where Ninomiya was at the very mention of his name, after finding out Ninomiya was alive? No, it shouldn’t. But it still hurt like hell, and Jun hoped there’d be a time, someday, when it wouldn’t anymore.
“Sure, but not so soon, okay?” he murmured, hoping he didn’t sound as pathetic as he felt. “I know we have to settle this - this issue, but I’m still - I’m still not ready to talk to you, about this, about us. But I will be. Maybe not now, or a week later, but I promise I’ll let you know when. Just. Not now, okay?” he pointed out, hoping Ohno would understand.
“Of course, Jun,” Ohno agreed. It was as if he could read Jun’s mind in that moment, and for that, Jun was glad. “Of course. Whenever you’re ready. You’ll let me know, yes?”
“I will.”
“Okay,” Ohno breathed, relief and sadness mingling, and Jun could very well hear the apologies in his voice that Ohno couldn’t say so in words. “Okay, Jun.”
“Bye, Satoshi.” He said, and ended the call. He breathed deeply and released it in one go. He felt so much lighter than he had in days, and he was glad for that, too.
When he glanced to his right, he realized Sakurai-Sensei’s expression was soft, a little smile playing across his pretty lips.
“You okay, Jun-san?” Sakurai-Sensei asked.
Jun nodded. “Yeah,” he answered, meaning it. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
+
“What, now?!” Aiba exclaimed, part-surprised and equal-parts horrified. Next to him, Becky’s hand found his, squeezing their fingers together knowingly. On the sofa where Nino’s mother and sister sat, Aiba spied them both wearing twin looks of disapproval upon hearing Nino’s very sudden request.
“Well, you’re driving Becky-chan home anyway,” Nino said, waving his hand. “So, why not take me with you instead of driving back here again to pick me up? That’s obviously just a gigantic waste of time and money, if you ask me. Just think about the amount of gas you’ll be able to save if you agree with my suggestion.”
Aiba didn’t bother answering; hell, he’d expected this as soon as Nino found out he was driving Becky home. He couldn’t even lie about being able to talk to Nino’s doctor either, because he was sure Nino would have him call the doctor back so he could talk to him personally. Well, that was another problem he’d been trying to resolve for the past half hour, because it was obvious that the doctor had simply turned his off his phone. He hadn’t been able to reach the doctor no matter how many times he’d tried calling.
“But, Nino-chan -“
“Or, are you just trying to trick me into agreeing to that ridiculous plan of yours because you have no intention of going back here to pick me up? Aiba-shi, you do know I don’t need any of you to accompany me to the house I grew up in, right? I may have lost most of my adult memories, but that doesn’t mean I’ve lost everything. I still know my way around Tokyo and Chiba, and I also don’t need two working legs to take me places I needed to go. The wheelchair is there for a reason, as I’m sure you’re aware.”
Aiba winced; that was exactly what he’d told Ohno earlier. Surely, Nino hadn’t been listening to him talking to Ohno, right?
“But Kazu, no one lives in that house anymore,” Nino’s mother said, her very first words since they all sat down to talk. “You’re not actually thinking of staying the night there, are you?”
Nino turned to give his mother a look. “Well, that depends on Aiba-shi’s hospitality, if he’s willing to play host for me for one night. Also, if it’s okay with Becky-chan, of course.”
“You’re more than welcome to stay with us, Ninomiya-kun,” Becky said; Aiba honestly felt a little bad for dragging her into this, though it wasn’t like he had any other choices left at this point.
“That’s settled then,” Nino exclaimed, as he darted his gaze towards each of them before settling his eyes on Aiba. “If you want to inform Ohno-san, please do it tomorrow, preferably after you’ve taken me back to the house. I don’t want him there while I check the place, Aiba-shi. I hope you understand.”
Becky’s fingers squeezed his own again, as if quietly telling him it’s okay, that everything’s going to be fine. He had to trust that after this, eventually, things would turn for the better, for them, for Nino especially.
He nodded in agreement, but his heart wasn’t in it.