[Fic] I Have Kept You In My Heart
Title : [Fic] I Have Kept You In My Heart 17
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Aiba/Becky, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : AU. Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Word count : around 6200 words
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
Note : Working my way through this one, thus the sudden disappearance. Next part is almost done too. Mind the warning. Additional tags mentioned in the archive post. Hope you enjoy <3
(This fic is also available in AO3)
( I Have Kept You In My Heart - 16.2)
Nino was surprisingly calm when he stopped talking, but he remained uncharacteristically quiet a long moment after that Ohno felt justifiably compelled to ask Nino what he was thinking, if only to stop himself from going into complete panic mode. It wasn’t easy, but for Nino, he was willing to try his best.
It was the least he could do, really, but he was certain it still couldn’t compare to what Nino had done, what he was still doing, despite of everything. He was trying his best to continue where he left of, picking up his life from where it remained on pause for close to six years, until he woke up in a hospital missing half of his life’s memories six years later.
He looked down on his hands, and realized he was twisting them awkwardly against the fabric of his jeans like a goddamn neurotic, wondering if he looked the same way as he felt. Maybe he did, and that thought only served to make him feel more foolish than he already were to begin with. He breathed a couple of times hoping it would ease the growing tension settling at the pit of his stomach before returning his gaze to Nino.
“Y-You’re not talking,” was what he decided to say, in lieu of saying something else. There were a lot of things he could be saying, of course, but he figured he could start by making sure what Nino was thinking, if Nino would allow him to.
Nino’s attention snapped back to him as if he didn’t even realize he’d drifted away, and the look he gave Ohno made the knot twisting in his core worse.
“Is there a reason you’re not - saying anything? Nino?”
Nino shook his head as if he couldn’t decide whether to answer Ohno or not. He opened his mouth probably to say something, then snapped it shut right after. Ohno swore it took him all of his reserved strength not to pull Nino to him and hold him, terrified and equal-parts heartbroken for not being able to say more knowing that doing so might only serve to confuse Nino further.
“I - I’m thinking,” Nino murmured, at last, and that, at least, made the twisting ache in Ohno’s chest a tiny bit bearable. “Of an appropriate question to ask - I mean, it’s -“ he paused here, darting his gaze on Ohno, his lips marred with confusion and uncertainty.
“It’s confusing,” Nino said, and Ohno nodded. “I’m confused. I mean, all of it is- this - you and I…”
Ohno wished he could make things easier for Nino, give him his memories back so Ohno wouldn’t have to watch him struggle with what Ohno told him this way, but he knew that’s just the hoping part of him talking. He could if it was possible, of course, of course, but he knew for a fact that one couldn’t possibly have everything he wanted, no matter how much he wanted it.
He looked down once again, if only so he wouldn’t end up watching Nino instead. His heart couldn’t take any more of that.
“You - You did ask me to,” he whispered, half-regretting ever opening his mouth to talk but also kind of thankful he did. It was honestly very conflicting. “I was hoping we could do this part later, when you’ve gotten your memories back, but of course, since it’s you, of course it would be unavoidable, in the end. Well, it’s kind of a moot point now, anyway.”
Nino seemed downright frustrated, bewildered and maybe equal-parts annoyed; Ohno could very well sympathize, knowing how frustrating it must be for Nino to be told these things when he couldn’t even remember any of it.
“You’re saying we - that you and I were -“
“Yes,” he cut in, hoping that by doing so, he was making things easier for Nino. He wanted to; he would try, and he would keep trying, for Nino’s sake. “But I understand that it’s not - I mean, I didn’t expect it would still be - the same, now. I get that, and believe me, I understand it perfectly.”
He breathed through his nose, and followed it with, “I mean, you don’t even remember me, so, expecting things to be how they used to before the accident is kind of - pointless,” plus, I know I’ve lost that right when I got into a relationship with another man, not even a year after your supposed death, so, there’s that I guess, he wanted to add, but settled on, “And your family seems to mirror that sentiment, too, judging how warmly they welcome me every time I come here to visit,” instead, adding that last bit with a little touch of mockery in spite of himself.
Without waiting for Nino’s answer, he chuckled and reached over to catch Nino’s hands in his, noting how cold they were to the touch.
“I know that no one expected me to be here, after all that’s been said and done, after everything that’s happened, but - but I want to, Nino,” he said, squeezing Nino’s hands lightly. “I want to be here with you. For you. The way I wasn’t able to that night when I thought I lost you.”
+
“Will you please let them know I’m taking this with me to have it checked? I’ll make sure to return it back as soon as the results are out,” he told Aiba a long while later, after he’d made sure Nino was safely taken back to his room to rest, after their not-so-abrupt personal talk earlier, waving the plastic container holding the necklace and the pendant in it.
Aiba seemed like he was still trying to wrap his head around everything that had been happening around him, and truthfully, Ohno couldn’t exactly blame him. It was hard enough being him, especially lately, when the topic of Ohno’s sister’s ‘supposed’ involvement to Nino’s accident was brought up. The irony wasn’t lost on him, though, because he knew Aiba couldn’t have been that stupid to not see things the way Nino did, at the same time Nino’s sister came sauntering forward waving that piece of evidence to Ohno’s face.
“Oh-chan, I - I’m really sorry about earlier,” Aiba murmured softly, reaching out to grab his hand. He looked and sounded apologetic that Ohno felt inclined to let the other man know he didn’t have to be. He get it; he totally did, even though it still felt a little - weird, to be honest, that they all thought his sister, or him, had something to do with what happened to Nino.
It was unthinkable, really, but he got why they were suspicious. And he hoped that this necklace and pendant would help remedy that.
He patted Aiba’s hand and offered him a smile. “Hey, don’t worry about it,” he said, “It’s - really, I mean, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I’m okay. No harm done, I swear.” He said, and meaning it.
Aiba shook his head; he still looked upset, and maybe a touché too embarrassed for Ohno’s taste. It was honestly not a good look on him, and Ohno made sure to tell Aiba that, too.
“No, it’s not okay, Oh-chan,” Aiba muttered; his voice sounded strained, and he looked like it too. “They were out of line, accusing you of that as if they don’t know you,” Aiba added, then chuckled as if he couldn’t believe it either.
“Like it’s even possible that you could do something like that to Nino, because just as you said, they should have known better. We should have known better. Yeah, obviously, that includes me too, because I didn’t exactly do anything to stop them. So, you know, I am really sorry about that.”
He shook his head at Aiba, still patting Aiba’s hand. “And as I said, it’s okay. I know you guys didn’t mean it, it’s just that the circumstances aren’t really being kind to any of us right now,” he said, letting go only so he could reach for his phone.
“Which, I have to do something about before shit hits the fan. Well, so to speak.” he added, giving Aiba a wink. Then he was pushing his phone against his left ear, waiting for the call to connect.
His eyes was still on Aiba’s face when the person from the other end answered.
“Ah, Matsu-nii? It’s me. I was wondering if we could meet? I have a very important favor I need to ask from you. Yes, will tomorrow be okay with you? Just let me know what time I should meet you, yeah? Right, okay. I see you then.” Before he hung up.
He turned back to Aiba and gave him a brief smile, a squeeze on his shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, Aiba-chan. This time, we’ll make sure we’ll do this right. I’ll make sure to catch the bastard who did this to Nino, and I won’t stop until I do, I promise.”
Aiba only looked partly-relieved. “I’m kinda hoping that won’t be necessary,” Aiba said, mouth curled with misery. “and that what happened to my best friend was just a simple, yet horrible accident and not some elaborate murder gone wrong, but, hey, everything’s sort of possible at this point. I get that. But if there’s any way - anything at all - to find out what really happened that night, I’m all for it. Not just for Nino’s safety, or for Nino’s mother’s peace of mind, but for everyone involved as well.”
He nodded. “Me too, Aiba-chan. Me too.”
+
As it turned out, Nino’s mother did have the document showing the result of the test conducted on the necklace and the pendant - Aiba surprisingly (and thankfully) giving him a call to inform him about it; apparently, he and the rest of Nino’s family - minus Nino himself - stayed up after Ohno left the house, to talk. That way, they also found out that it was the sole reason why a police investigation was launched during the time in the first place - and it lasted just about a year after Nino’s accident, obviously for lack of any concrete evidence to keep it going. A phone call to Ohno’s sister also confirmed the fact that she was indeed called in for questioning and verification when an anonymous tip to the police was sent saying who the owner of the necklace was.
All of these were news to Ohno, and he told his sister that much as he paced around the dimly-lighted porch of their old Chiba house, where he found himself several hours later.
“Well, about that,” she said on the other end of the line; she sounded uncharacteristically alert for someone who had been rudely woken up at crap o’clock in the morning, but he guessed it was completely understandable. For one, he did make it sound like this was something of an emergency - and it was, it totally was, and yet he still didn’t think it was better to explain first why he was inquiring her of something that happened years ago, and why he was doing it now.
“Yeah?”
“We agreed not to tell you,” was what she said, unapologetically.
Hearing that made him frown. “Okay, but why?”
He could picture her shrugging her shoulders in answer. “Toshi, you didn’t see yourself back then,” she said, and for a moment there, she actually sounded like their mother that the resemblance of their voices made Ohno smile for some reason. “You were devastated enough as it was, and we thought keeping that stupid investigation from you was the best course of action. For you, especially.”
“Nee-chan, someone planted your pendant on the scene!” he insisted, “Specifically, in Nino’s hand, where it was bound to be found one way or another! You didn’t think it was important to let me in on what was happening? I had a right to know, you realize? You are my sister, for Christ’s sake!”
“But I’m not the one who died, the love of your life did, so, I knew I made the right decision,” she muttered, as if it was causing her physical pain to say this to his face. “And anyway, you were cleared of any suspicions, and that was enough for us back then,” his sister countered, undeterred. “Also, it wasn’t like the investigation was going anywhere. There was no way they could have indicted me for something I didn’t do, and anyway, I had an alibi. A strong one, in fact. That pendant hadn’t been in my possession for years, and I was nowhere near Chiba, or Japan for that matter when the accident happened.”
He let that sink in for a moment before he decided to speak again. “I know that, but still you should have told me. It would have helped me cope up, then, you know?” Well, maybe not, but maybe it would have help him in another way.
“I don’t see how it could have helped you in any way back then, Toshi,” she muttered, like the simple fact that they were talking about this was making her upset. Ohno couldn’t exactly blame her. He was a mess back then, a complete train wreck waiting to happen, and he wondered, really, how he must looked in the eyes of the people who cared for him. Much as he wished to ask, he didn’t think it mattered.
Not now, at least. Not anymore.
“I was sure it was for the best, especially when you decided to leave Chiba for good. I mean, I love Kazunari like my own brother too, and until now, the thought of him brings me pain even though it’s been years since he died. If it’s that painful to me, I can’t imagine how it must be for you,” she said, sighing heavily.
Then, like an afterthought, she said, “Okay, and now that I’ve answered most of your questions, are you finally going to tell me what’s going on and why, for the love of God, did you decide to call me to ask me about these things at -“ she paused here probably to check what time it was. “ - almost three in the freaking morning?”
He breathed through his nose and realized he was smiling despite the exhaustion settling over his bones like second skin.
“Well, because we might have to request the authorities to re-open the case,” he said.
“Why? Did they find any new evidence for that to happen? I thought they already ruled it as an accident?” she asked, curious. “And what did you mean, ‘we’?”
“I hope we do,” he answered, quickly following it with, “And I mean, me and Nino’s family. I - Well, I haven’t told you guys yet, but I’ve actually been meeting with Nino’s folks lately.”
“What does that even mean?” she inquired, voice rising.
He didn’t even realize he was bracing himself for the inevitable until he had to close his eyes and muttered, “Nee-chan, it’s a long story, and I promise I’ll tell you guys everything when I find the chance, but for now, the only thing I can tell you is that the reason I’m doing this, the reason why I’m asking you all of these after all this time?”
“Yeah?”
He breathed fast, fingers shaking around the grip on his phone. “It’s because Nino didn’t die that night. He’s alive, Nee-chan. He’s alive but he doesn’t remember anything about the accident. He doesn’t even remember me.”
There was a pause, a breath, and his sister exclaiming loudly, “Oh my god, what?????” Ohno fearing she’d woken up the whole household before he could even stop her.
+
Nino stirred awake to Aiba’s face smiling at him from the foot of his bed. He groaned, rolling over at his side hoping Aiba would take the hint and go away, but no such luck. Clearly, his friend was there for a reason; God knew how long he’d even been there waiting for Nino to wake up, the creep.
“Please don’t tell me you’ve been here the whole time, watching me sleep?” he groaned into his pillow. “Because that would be super creepy, even for you.”
“I love you with all of my heart, Nino-chan, but, seriously, no, eww, why would I even do that?”
“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” Nino countered, smiling despite this exchange being too early for his taste. He had to be fully caffeinated first to deal with anything, but Aiba obviously didn’t care about any of that right now.
“I didn’t spend the whole night watching you sleep, okay? I just came in here a few minutes ago,” Aiba clarified.
Nino felt like he was being rude for long, so, despite wanting to be left alone to at least enjoy the few minutes of silence (and peace) while he was certain he would be going through last night’s events in his head, he rolled around on his back and squinted at Aiba sleepily.
“You didn’t go home?”
Aiba shook his head. “Nee-chan said we should just stay the night. Becky and I. My girlfriend, if you remember? Well, I guess I haven’t introduced her to you properly yet.”
He nodded. “The lady with the pretty eyes, yes?” he said, and smiled.
“And pretty everything, I’m telling you. She’s even lovelier in the morning, when it’s bright out, I swear. Last night was kinda dark in here so -“
“Fine, so she’s lovely, I heard you that first time, by the way. Though, I wonder what you’ve been feeding her to make her stay with you voluntarily, because, let’s face it, a pretty girl, with you? That sure looks suspicious, if you ask me. And, are you sure that whatever it is you’re feeding her is not - poisonous?” he teased, amused at the way Aiba blinked several times before scowling back at him in answer.
“I’ll have you know our love is pure and true, you punk. Do you want proof? I can show you some of our precious photos and videos -“
“NO, THANK YOU. I’d rather eat my own hair than scar myself for life watching you and some unfortunate lady doing the mambo. Or whatever the hell you two get up on your free time, and hopefully in private. No fucking way, Aiba-shi. Spare me of that, if you please.”
“I was not talking about a sex video, you little shit!” Aiba whined, but he was so laughing that Nino couldn’t help but join in.
“Well, thank god for little mercies,” he muttered, but he could feel his mouth twitching with amusement anyway. He pulled himself upright and Aiba immediately came to his rescue, helping him put the pillows behind him, propping them against the headboard so he could lean back comfortably on them.
He gave Aiba a look when he returned to his previous position on the foot of Nino’s bed, looking thoughtfully at the space between Nino’s right shoulder and the wall.
“So, why are you really here? There should be a good enough reason why you’re here and waiting for me to wake up, right?”
Aiba shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” he said, “after Ohno left last night, I didn’t think it was appropriate to come here and ask. I mean, everything’s pretty chaotic last night. I thought it would be better to just let you rest.”
It was his turn to shrug. To be fair, he supposed his reaction was just to be expected, given the circumstances. Obviously, they still have a lot to talk about, his family and him, and he intend to make that happen sooner rather than later.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” he mumbled. “I mean, it’s not like all of this is going to be solved quickly, not when the answer is obviously locked away in my brain where no one but me is supposed to be able to access it. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen until I get my memories back. Which, obviously, isn’t happening any time soon, because my brain simply refuses to cooperate.”
“Yeah, we guessed as much.”
He pursed his lips and kept his eyes on Aiba. “So, that’s it? You’re here just to check how I’m doing? Really?”
Aiba said nothing for a moment, but he kept looking at Nino like he was contemplating things in his head before he say anything. Nino wondered if he should be worried or offended or both.
“Is there a particular reason you’re looking at me like that?”
Aiba darted his gaze away, smiled sheepishly. “Ah, I’m wondering how I should tell you about - about what I actually found out regarding the incident last night. Well, we - your mother and sister and I - stayed up late talking about it, actually.”
Nino frowned. “Incident? You mean, when you guys teamed up to accuse Ohno-san and/or his sister of murdering me? That incident?”
Aiba grinned, half-heartedly as he scratched at the back of his head. “Yeah, well, pretty much.”
“What about it?”
“Well, it turned out there really was a test conducted on the necklace and pendant. And the document of that test result. They were all in the case file copies Kaa-chan has in her possession. She showed them to us last night, after Ohno left.”
He frowned harder. “And she didn’t bother telling us about it or putting those out for us to see, yet she still expected me to just stand there and do nothing while you guys accuse the only other person who I couldn’t even imagine hurting me, the person who swore his life to protect me?” he countered, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling that phantom pain settling at the general vicinity of his heart, remembering everything Ohno-san told him last night, before he left.
“Ohno said that?”
“Not in so many words, but I get the drift. Especially after I spent the whole of yesterday observing him, then all of you, last night,” he said. “Then again, everything became pretty clear when he and I talked. Though, I could tell he kept the story-telling at the minimum; probably didn’t want my brain to explode with the sudden information overload or something. Guess I can’t really blame him for it. I was pretty shaken up when he was done talking.”
“It must be really - confusing, huh?”
He nodded. “That too. Plus, it’s pretty obvious that no one wanted to tell me who he is, who he was to me, even after he’d practically admitted it, right? Not even the man himself at first, and that’s seriously frustrating, I’ll tell you that. I thought I was gonna have to figure it out myself while hoping for my memories to come back while I was doing it.”
Aiba blinked, confused. “At first? What does that mean? Are you saying you know now? That Ohno was -”
It was his turn to look away this time. “Supposed to be my long-lost, forgotten boyfriend?” he cut in, hoping he sounded not the least bit amused. He was, though, despite himself. “Well, yeah, I guess. He kind of admitted it, after all, right? And well, I had my suspicions from the start, and he kind of just, well, confirmed it for me. Last night. Which was - weird, if I’m going to be honest about it.”
“What - How? But I thought you don’t remember anything -“
He shook his head. “I don’t. I still couldn’t, frustrating as it is,” he clarified, meeting Aiba’s eyes this time. “He kind of, well - told me. Last night. Actually, I asked. I told him he owed me that much, to say the least, so, he just kind of - did? I guess I didn’t really give him much of a choice, that’s why.”
“Oh, Nino,” Aiba exclaimed, words trailing here as if he had no idea what to say. Nino wholeheartedly agreed, even if he didn’t want to. “I’m sorry. I can see it’s not helping though, is it?” Nino shook his head. To be honest, the admission only served to make him even more confused than he already was.
“I - I know it’s weird, but there’s just… something about him, even though I don’t really know who is - who he was, at the beginning,” he started, trying to rearrange his thoughts into some semblance of sense. Everything’s confusing, and Ohno-san saying they were more than friends before the accident happened didn’t help ease that confusion either. Even though it should make sense. That much was obvious, at least. The looks Ohno-san kept throwing his way when he thought he wasn’t looking, the gentleness with which he always made Nino feel when he was around.
For admitting he loved Nino - albeit indirectly, and maybe not using the exact same words, but a phrase that meant the same thing, anyway - and looking and sounding like it was breaking his heart, saying that.
To his credit, it made Nino wonder why hearing it straight from Ohno-san himself felt like his heart was breaking in half, too. Was it because of how he said it? Or just his mind playing tricks on him? He honestly didn’t know.
“From the first time I saw him, when he came here to visit, you know? Something that my brain simply couldn’t rationalize. It’s not the awful kind, though, because to be honest?” he said, pausing here to give Aiba a look.
“I feel safe with him,” he murmured, and it was an admission he didn’t exactly wagered on, but ended up doing anyway. “And that’s the part I don’t get, I mean, I have no memory of him so, it’s - it’s hard, convincing myself I’m not insane for feeling the way I feel when he’s around.”
Aiba chuckled. “Is it really that difficult to believe what your heart knows all along, Nino-chan?” Aiba said, like he knew exactly what he was talking about. “I mean, just think about it. There should be a reason why you feel that way about him, right?”
He shrugged. “Maybe,” he said, “But I still think it’s better to have memories to go with those unsettling emotions, don’t you think? It would be easier to understand why I feel like weeping every time he looks at me like he wants to hold me but he can’t,” he said.
“I hope you know I have every intention of helping you, but I’m not really sure how. I mean, I get that it must be so hard, but I’m still counting on what your doctor said about letting your memories come back on their own volition. I don’t think forcing yourself at this point would really be of any help.”
Nino blinked. “What if I don’t have to force it? Maybe I just have to, you know, trigger it? The memories, I mean?”
Aiba looked perpetually confused, and at this point, Nino really couldn’t blame him anymore.
“How?”
He bit his lips for a moment, wishing he wouldn’t be making the (second) biggest mistake of his life by proposing this. This pretty much meant he had every intention of forcing those memories back, but he was past the point of giving a fuck to even care.
“You know the house where the accident happened, right?”
Aiba still looked confused, but he seemed dubious now, too. “Y-Yeah, why?”
“I need you to take me there,” he exclaimed in a rush, watching Aiba’s expression changed drastically from confusion to doubt to horror in the expanse of just a few seconds. “I think seeing the place will help me remember.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, Aiba-shi, I’m not. And I want to do it, the sooner the better.”
“Oh, hell.”
+
It was to the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket that woke him, but it was the awful buzzing in his head that made him wished he turned the damn thing off before he crashed. But, come to think of it, the latter he couldn’t even remember doing - drinking himself to oblivion being the last thing that came to mind.
The continued ringing jerked him further into wakefulness, and he groaned, pulling himself upright into a somewhat sitting position, and quickly regretting that too. His skull felt like it was going to split in two, cursing under his breath as he fished around his pants’ pockets for his phone.
“God, I’m gonna kill you. I swear to God, I’m gonna kill you -“ he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut hoping that would ease the tension throbbing in his temple. It didn’t, but at least it kept the buzzing in his ears to minimum that it was almost bearable. When his fingers found his phone, he didn’t even bother opening his eyes to see who was calling and simply let his thumb do the work, sliding across the screen to accept the call.
“Yeah?” he snapped, not bothering hiding his distaste and vaguely hearing the way his voice sounded scratchy and his mouth tasted like ashtray and bad choices. God damn it.
“Jun-san, hello. Uh, good - afternoon?” the person on the other end sounded hesitant, and maybe a little - scared? He sounded very familiar too that Jun thought of hanging up as soon as he answered but he figured there was a good enough reason why the man was calling. He hoped. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be responsible for acting like a total asshole in the next few minutes for verbally boxing the man’s ears for calling him for no good reason.
“Yuuri-kun, hi. What’s up?” he asked; he’d rather be asking something else, really, but he guessed that sounded pretty good as starter question for now.
Ohno’s not-really adopted younger brother very obviously took a moment, paused for a bit before he was speaking again. Even from the other end of the line, the other man sounded anxious, kind of scared, and pretty much like he always did when he was talking with Jun.
“Um, I apologize for calling, I know you must be - busy. But I just - I thought I should just call you instead to ask you and, well, remind you about the artworks you told me to pick up today? Satoshi-nii isn’t answering his phone and I’ve sent him at least ten texts to confirm if I could come pick them up today, but, yeah, he wasn’t answering. I’m so sorry.”
Jun cursed inwardly, feeling inclined to scrub his face raw in annoyance, remembering exactly what the man from the other end was talking about. They were the samples pieces that were supposed to be sent to the Higayashima-san’s office today for confirmation, and he obviously forgot all about it.
Clearly, Ohno did too.
“That’s today?” he asked, feeling slightly stupid afterwards.
“Uh, yes, Jun-san.”
Fuck. Fuck!
He groaned again, feeling the throbbing pain at the back of his skull doubling in size. “Fuck, I completely forgot about that. Obviously, so did Ohno. Uh. You said he wasn’t answering your calls?”
“No, I’ve tried many times. Since this morning, actually. At first, his phone was still ringing, but now all my calls are going straight to voicemail. Sorry, Jun-san.”
He mentally bristled. It was one thing to be frustrated about stuff he had no control over, and Yuuri’s constant apologizing was certainly not helping.
“Not your fault,” he said, then, quickly followed it with, “Tell you what, I’ll call Higayashima-san’s office to let them know that the samples might be delivered later today. If it’s possible to request them to receive the samples tomorrow, which is much better at this point, I supposed, I’ll let you know too. Still, can you, I don’t know, come to the apartment in like, two hours to pick them up? I’ll have to check his studio first to see if he’s already packed them.”
“Um, you mean yours and Satoshi-nii’s apartment, right?” Yuuri asked, sounding clearly confused. Jun wished he could explain everything to him but he obviously didn’t have that luxury. Also, he didn’t think it was appropriate. That was all up to Ohno now to explain this mess to his own family. Jun had a lot on his plate already to even worry himself sick over that too.
“Yes, but I’m not staying there now so you have to give me at least an hour to get the artworks ready before you have to pick them up.” he said. It would be at least under half an hour travel from Shun’s place to his and Ohno’s apartment, but with the way his head was pounding like there was an army of elephants tapping away at the back of his skull, he was certain he would need at least half hour more to himself to remedy that.
“Uh, but I’m already here, Jun-san,” Yuuri said, apologetic.
That sort of derailed his thought for a bit right there. “Here where?”
“Uh, the apartment? Satoshii-nii isn’t here, either.” Jun was thankful the other guy wasn’t nowhere near him, otherwise he might have already reached over to smack him upside the head for pissing him off.
“In the building or in the apartment?” he thought to ask after a moment, just to clarify.
“In the apartment,” Yuuri said, “Um, Satoshi-nii gave me a key after the first exhibition, didn’t he tell you?” Ohno didn’t, obviously; it was one more thing that made the awful feeling in Jun’s stomach worse.
“No, he didn’t,” he snorted. “Well, since you’re already there, can you check his studio? I did remind him about it before I le - I mean, a few days ago so, maybe they’re there?”
“Uh, his studio is locked, Jun-san. I already checked.”
Fuck. “And that means you don’t have a key for that door, am I right?”
“No. Sorry, Jun-san.”
“No, it’ll actually freak me out a little - no, a lot, if you say you have a key to that too. Anyway, just, I don’t know, make yourself home? I’ll try and call Ohno first, just to check if he would answer, but I’ll try to be there as soon as I can, yeah?”
“Okay, Jun-san. Thank you. I’ll just wait for you here.”
Jun hung up, groaning, before throwing his phone aside. As if on cue, Shun’s voice broke through his mental struggle, prompting him to raise his head to squint at Shun. He was leaning against the doorframe and staring Jun over with raised eyebrows.
Jun shook his head and waved Shun away, with feelings, grimacing at the foul taste left in his mouth. He didn’t need his goddamn preaching this early - he was certain his head wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment either - and that was that.
“What, I haven’t even said anything,” Shun said; he sounded like he was laughing too, the bastard, and Jun flipped him off for good measure.
“I can hear your thoughts loud and clear, jerk. You can shut up now, by the way.”
“Really? Does that mean you already know what I was going to ask?” Shun followed, obviously ignoring Jun and his request for some quiet. Or peace. God, his head was killing him.
“Oh, god. Shun, seriously - ”
“Wow, that’s cool. Did your sexy doctor teach you that?” Shun said, still ignoring Jun as Jun felt the other side of the bed dipped when Shun sat next to him.
Jun groaned. “Shun, for the love of god, could you, I don’t know, leave me alone for a few minutes until I sort myself out? My head is killing me and I swear, hearing your voice this early isn’t helping.”
“It’s one in the afternoon.” Shun said, pointing out the obvious, the jerk.
“And it still feels early, shut up.”
“There’s aspirin on your bedside table, and water, you didn’t see it?”
“I haven’t found the time to check it, obviously, since that call woke me up. I’m planning on doing that now, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, sure. Go ahead.” Shun said, though he didn’t make a move to leave. Jun felt like punching him.
He settled on turning around to face Shun instead, knowing that the asshole wouldn’t leave until he got what he wanted. Or heard what he needed to hear, damn it all.
“Fuck’s sake, Shun, what is it?” he muttered, then immediately shutting up when he realized Shun was handing the glass of water and aspirin over.
“Drink this,” Shun said, and for some reason, he was no longer smiling, or looking like he was still teasing Jun. In fact, Shun looked concerned, his brows furrowed as he stared at Jun. Jun wondered what he did to warrant the way Shun was looking at him like he’d done something indefinably stupid.
“And then you can tell me what happened last night when I left you with your doctor and why he refused to leave you alone even after he took you home,”
“What - What do you mean?”
Shun blinked. “Exactly what I want to know, buddy,” he said, waiting until Jun took the medicine and the glass of water before he stood. “Now, drink that and join us outside, okay? We’ll talk there. I’ll have the coffee ready.”
“Can I take a shower first?”
Shun shook his head. “Do that later.”
“What, why?” Jun blinked in confusion.
Shun didn’t even look the least bit impressed. “Because your doctor is outside, Matsumoto. In my living room, sitting on my couch, drinking his seventeenth cup of coffee and seriously scaring the shit out of my wife. Now, get your ass outside as quickly as you could manage it, okay? But just - fucking brush your teeth first, alright. Your breath smells like fucking sewer, Jesus Christ.” Shun complained, then promptly left.
Jun downed the medicine with water so quickly he thought he was going to drown himself afterwards, stumbling on his feet to get to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
What the fuck was going on?
(IHKYIMH - part 18)
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Aiba/Becky, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : AU. Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Word count : around 6200 words
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
Note : Working my way through this one, thus the sudden disappearance. Next part is almost done too. Mind the warning. Additional tags mentioned in the archive post. Hope you enjoy <3
(This fic is also available in AO3)
( I Have Kept You In My Heart - 16.2)
Nino was surprisingly calm when he stopped talking, but he remained uncharacteristically quiet a long moment after that Ohno felt justifiably compelled to ask Nino what he was thinking, if only to stop himself from going into complete panic mode. It wasn’t easy, but for Nino, he was willing to try his best.
It was the least he could do, really, but he was certain it still couldn’t compare to what Nino had done, what he was still doing, despite of everything. He was trying his best to continue where he left of, picking up his life from where it remained on pause for close to six years, until he woke up in a hospital missing half of his life’s memories six years later.
He looked down on his hands, and realized he was twisting them awkwardly against the fabric of his jeans like a goddamn neurotic, wondering if he looked the same way as he felt. Maybe he did, and that thought only served to make him feel more foolish than he already were to begin with. He breathed a couple of times hoping it would ease the growing tension settling at the pit of his stomach before returning his gaze to Nino.
“Y-You’re not talking,” was what he decided to say, in lieu of saying something else. There were a lot of things he could be saying, of course, but he figured he could start by making sure what Nino was thinking, if Nino would allow him to.
Nino’s attention snapped back to him as if he didn’t even realize he’d drifted away, and the look he gave Ohno made the knot twisting in his core worse.
“Is there a reason you’re not - saying anything? Nino?”
Nino shook his head as if he couldn’t decide whether to answer Ohno or not. He opened his mouth probably to say something, then snapped it shut right after. Ohno swore it took him all of his reserved strength not to pull Nino to him and hold him, terrified and equal-parts heartbroken for not being able to say more knowing that doing so might only serve to confuse Nino further.
“I - I’m thinking,” Nino murmured, at last, and that, at least, made the twisting ache in Ohno’s chest a tiny bit bearable. “Of an appropriate question to ask - I mean, it’s -“ he paused here, darting his gaze on Ohno, his lips marred with confusion and uncertainty.
“It’s confusing,” Nino said, and Ohno nodded. “I’m confused. I mean, all of it is- this - you and I…”
Ohno wished he could make things easier for Nino, give him his memories back so Ohno wouldn’t have to watch him struggle with what Ohno told him this way, but he knew that’s just the hoping part of him talking. He could if it was possible, of course, of course, but he knew for a fact that one couldn’t possibly have everything he wanted, no matter how much he wanted it.
He looked down once again, if only so he wouldn’t end up watching Nino instead. His heart couldn’t take any more of that.
“You - You did ask me to,” he whispered, half-regretting ever opening his mouth to talk but also kind of thankful he did. It was honestly very conflicting. “I was hoping we could do this part later, when you’ve gotten your memories back, but of course, since it’s you, of course it would be unavoidable, in the end. Well, it’s kind of a moot point now, anyway.”
Nino seemed downright frustrated, bewildered and maybe equal-parts annoyed; Ohno could very well sympathize, knowing how frustrating it must be for Nino to be told these things when he couldn’t even remember any of it.
“You’re saying we - that you and I were -“
“Yes,” he cut in, hoping that by doing so, he was making things easier for Nino. He wanted to; he would try, and he would keep trying, for Nino’s sake. “But I understand that it’s not - I mean, I didn’t expect it would still be - the same, now. I get that, and believe me, I understand it perfectly.”
He breathed through his nose, and followed it with, “I mean, you don’t even remember me, so, expecting things to be how they used to before the accident is kind of - pointless,” plus, I know I’ve lost that right when I got into a relationship with another man, not even a year after your supposed death, so, there’s that I guess, he wanted to add, but settled on, “And your family seems to mirror that sentiment, too, judging how warmly they welcome me every time I come here to visit,” instead, adding that last bit with a little touch of mockery in spite of himself.
Without waiting for Nino’s answer, he chuckled and reached over to catch Nino’s hands in his, noting how cold they were to the touch.
“I know that no one expected me to be here, after all that’s been said and done, after everything that’s happened, but - but I want to, Nino,” he said, squeezing Nino’s hands lightly. “I want to be here with you. For you. The way I wasn’t able to that night when I thought I lost you.”
+
“Will you please let them know I’m taking this with me to have it checked? I’ll make sure to return it back as soon as the results are out,” he told Aiba a long while later, after he’d made sure Nino was safely taken back to his room to rest, after their not-so-abrupt personal talk earlier, waving the plastic container holding the necklace and the pendant in it.
Aiba seemed like he was still trying to wrap his head around everything that had been happening around him, and truthfully, Ohno couldn’t exactly blame him. It was hard enough being him, especially lately, when the topic of Ohno’s sister’s ‘supposed’ involvement to Nino’s accident was brought up. The irony wasn’t lost on him, though, because he knew Aiba couldn’t have been that stupid to not see things the way Nino did, at the same time Nino’s sister came sauntering forward waving that piece of evidence to Ohno’s face.
“Oh-chan, I - I’m really sorry about earlier,” Aiba murmured softly, reaching out to grab his hand. He looked and sounded apologetic that Ohno felt inclined to let the other man know he didn’t have to be. He get it; he totally did, even though it still felt a little - weird, to be honest, that they all thought his sister, or him, had something to do with what happened to Nino.
It was unthinkable, really, but he got why they were suspicious. And he hoped that this necklace and pendant would help remedy that.
He patted Aiba’s hand and offered him a smile. “Hey, don’t worry about it,” he said, “It’s - really, I mean, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I’m okay. No harm done, I swear.” He said, and meaning it.
Aiba shook his head; he still looked upset, and maybe a touché too embarrassed for Ohno’s taste. It was honestly not a good look on him, and Ohno made sure to tell Aiba that, too.
“No, it’s not okay, Oh-chan,” Aiba muttered; his voice sounded strained, and he looked like it too. “They were out of line, accusing you of that as if they don’t know you,” Aiba added, then chuckled as if he couldn’t believe it either.
“Like it’s even possible that you could do something like that to Nino, because just as you said, they should have known better. We should have known better. Yeah, obviously, that includes me too, because I didn’t exactly do anything to stop them. So, you know, I am really sorry about that.”
He shook his head at Aiba, still patting Aiba’s hand. “And as I said, it’s okay. I know you guys didn’t mean it, it’s just that the circumstances aren’t really being kind to any of us right now,” he said, letting go only so he could reach for his phone.
“Which, I have to do something about before shit hits the fan. Well, so to speak.” he added, giving Aiba a wink. Then he was pushing his phone against his left ear, waiting for the call to connect.
His eyes was still on Aiba’s face when the person from the other end answered.
“Ah, Matsu-nii? It’s me. I was wondering if we could meet? I have a very important favor I need to ask from you. Yes, will tomorrow be okay with you? Just let me know what time I should meet you, yeah? Right, okay. I see you then.” Before he hung up.
He turned back to Aiba and gave him a brief smile, a squeeze on his shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, Aiba-chan. This time, we’ll make sure we’ll do this right. I’ll make sure to catch the bastard who did this to Nino, and I won’t stop until I do, I promise.”
Aiba only looked partly-relieved. “I’m kinda hoping that won’t be necessary,” Aiba said, mouth curled with misery. “and that what happened to my best friend was just a simple, yet horrible accident and not some elaborate murder gone wrong, but, hey, everything’s sort of possible at this point. I get that. But if there’s any way - anything at all - to find out what really happened that night, I’m all for it. Not just for Nino’s safety, or for Nino’s mother’s peace of mind, but for everyone involved as well.”
He nodded. “Me too, Aiba-chan. Me too.”
+
As it turned out, Nino’s mother did have the document showing the result of the test conducted on the necklace and the pendant - Aiba surprisingly (and thankfully) giving him a call to inform him about it; apparently, he and the rest of Nino’s family - minus Nino himself - stayed up after Ohno left the house, to talk. That way, they also found out that it was the sole reason why a police investigation was launched during the time in the first place - and it lasted just about a year after Nino’s accident, obviously for lack of any concrete evidence to keep it going. A phone call to Ohno’s sister also confirmed the fact that she was indeed called in for questioning and verification when an anonymous tip to the police was sent saying who the owner of the necklace was.
All of these were news to Ohno, and he told his sister that much as he paced around the dimly-lighted porch of their old Chiba house, where he found himself several hours later.
“Well, about that,” she said on the other end of the line; she sounded uncharacteristically alert for someone who had been rudely woken up at crap o’clock in the morning, but he guessed it was completely understandable. For one, he did make it sound like this was something of an emergency - and it was, it totally was, and yet he still didn’t think it was better to explain first why he was inquiring her of something that happened years ago, and why he was doing it now.
“Yeah?”
“We agreed not to tell you,” was what she said, unapologetically.
Hearing that made him frown. “Okay, but why?”
He could picture her shrugging her shoulders in answer. “Toshi, you didn’t see yourself back then,” she said, and for a moment there, she actually sounded like their mother that the resemblance of their voices made Ohno smile for some reason. “You were devastated enough as it was, and we thought keeping that stupid investigation from you was the best course of action. For you, especially.”
“Nee-chan, someone planted your pendant on the scene!” he insisted, “Specifically, in Nino’s hand, where it was bound to be found one way or another! You didn’t think it was important to let me in on what was happening? I had a right to know, you realize? You are my sister, for Christ’s sake!”
“But I’m not the one who died, the love of your life did, so, I knew I made the right decision,” she muttered, as if it was causing her physical pain to say this to his face. “And anyway, you were cleared of any suspicions, and that was enough for us back then,” his sister countered, undeterred. “Also, it wasn’t like the investigation was going anywhere. There was no way they could have indicted me for something I didn’t do, and anyway, I had an alibi. A strong one, in fact. That pendant hadn’t been in my possession for years, and I was nowhere near Chiba, or Japan for that matter when the accident happened.”
He let that sink in for a moment before he decided to speak again. “I know that, but still you should have told me. It would have helped me cope up, then, you know?” Well, maybe not, but maybe it would have help him in another way.
“I don’t see how it could have helped you in any way back then, Toshi,” she muttered, like the simple fact that they were talking about this was making her upset. Ohno couldn’t exactly blame her. He was a mess back then, a complete train wreck waiting to happen, and he wondered, really, how he must looked in the eyes of the people who cared for him. Much as he wished to ask, he didn’t think it mattered.
Not now, at least. Not anymore.
“I was sure it was for the best, especially when you decided to leave Chiba for good. I mean, I love Kazunari like my own brother too, and until now, the thought of him brings me pain even though it’s been years since he died. If it’s that painful to me, I can’t imagine how it must be for you,” she said, sighing heavily.
Then, like an afterthought, she said, “Okay, and now that I’ve answered most of your questions, are you finally going to tell me what’s going on and why, for the love of God, did you decide to call me to ask me about these things at -“ she paused here probably to check what time it was. “ - almost three in the freaking morning?”
He breathed through his nose and realized he was smiling despite the exhaustion settling over his bones like second skin.
“Well, because we might have to request the authorities to re-open the case,” he said.
“Why? Did they find any new evidence for that to happen? I thought they already ruled it as an accident?” she asked, curious. “And what did you mean, ‘we’?”
“I hope we do,” he answered, quickly following it with, “And I mean, me and Nino’s family. I - Well, I haven’t told you guys yet, but I’ve actually been meeting with Nino’s folks lately.”
“What does that even mean?” she inquired, voice rising.
He didn’t even realize he was bracing himself for the inevitable until he had to close his eyes and muttered, “Nee-chan, it’s a long story, and I promise I’ll tell you guys everything when I find the chance, but for now, the only thing I can tell you is that the reason I’m doing this, the reason why I’m asking you all of these after all this time?”
“Yeah?”
He breathed fast, fingers shaking around the grip on his phone. “It’s because Nino didn’t die that night. He’s alive, Nee-chan. He’s alive but he doesn’t remember anything about the accident. He doesn’t even remember me.”
There was a pause, a breath, and his sister exclaiming loudly, “Oh my god, what?????” Ohno fearing she’d woken up the whole household before he could even stop her.
+
Nino stirred awake to Aiba’s face smiling at him from the foot of his bed. He groaned, rolling over at his side hoping Aiba would take the hint and go away, but no such luck. Clearly, his friend was there for a reason; God knew how long he’d even been there waiting for Nino to wake up, the creep.
“Please don’t tell me you’ve been here the whole time, watching me sleep?” he groaned into his pillow. “Because that would be super creepy, even for you.”
“I love you with all of my heart, Nino-chan, but, seriously, no, eww, why would I even do that?”
“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” Nino countered, smiling despite this exchange being too early for his taste. He had to be fully caffeinated first to deal with anything, but Aiba obviously didn’t care about any of that right now.
“I didn’t spend the whole night watching you sleep, okay? I just came in here a few minutes ago,” Aiba clarified.
Nino felt like he was being rude for long, so, despite wanting to be left alone to at least enjoy the few minutes of silence (and peace) while he was certain he would be going through last night’s events in his head, he rolled around on his back and squinted at Aiba sleepily.
“You didn’t go home?”
Aiba shook his head. “Nee-chan said we should just stay the night. Becky and I. My girlfriend, if you remember? Well, I guess I haven’t introduced her to you properly yet.”
He nodded. “The lady with the pretty eyes, yes?” he said, and smiled.
“And pretty everything, I’m telling you. She’s even lovelier in the morning, when it’s bright out, I swear. Last night was kinda dark in here so -“
“Fine, so she’s lovely, I heard you that first time, by the way. Though, I wonder what you’ve been feeding her to make her stay with you voluntarily, because, let’s face it, a pretty girl, with you? That sure looks suspicious, if you ask me. And, are you sure that whatever it is you’re feeding her is not - poisonous?” he teased, amused at the way Aiba blinked several times before scowling back at him in answer.
“I’ll have you know our love is pure and true, you punk. Do you want proof? I can show you some of our precious photos and videos -“
“NO, THANK YOU. I’d rather eat my own hair than scar myself for life watching you and some unfortunate lady doing the mambo. Or whatever the hell you two get up on your free time, and hopefully in private. No fucking way, Aiba-shi. Spare me of that, if you please.”
“I was not talking about a sex video, you little shit!” Aiba whined, but he was so laughing that Nino couldn’t help but join in.
“Well, thank god for little mercies,” he muttered, but he could feel his mouth twitching with amusement anyway. He pulled himself upright and Aiba immediately came to his rescue, helping him put the pillows behind him, propping them against the headboard so he could lean back comfortably on them.
He gave Aiba a look when he returned to his previous position on the foot of Nino’s bed, looking thoughtfully at the space between Nino’s right shoulder and the wall.
“So, why are you really here? There should be a good enough reason why you’re here and waiting for me to wake up, right?”
Aiba shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” he said, “after Ohno left last night, I didn’t think it was appropriate to come here and ask. I mean, everything’s pretty chaotic last night. I thought it would be better to just let you rest.”
It was his turn to shrug. To be fair, he supposed his reaction was just to be expected, given the circumstances. Obviously, they still have a lot to talk about, his family and him, and he intend to make that happen sooner rather than later.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” he mumbled. “I mean, it’s not like all of this is going to be solved quickly, not when the answer is obviously locked away in my brain where no one but me is supposed to be able to access it. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen until I get my memories back. Which, obviously, isn’t happening any time soon, because my brain simply refuses to cooperate.”
“Yeah, we guessed as much.”
He pursed his lips and kept his eyes on Aiba. “So, that’s it? You’re here just to check how I’m doing? Really?”
Aiba said nothing for a moment, but he kept looking at Nino like he was contemplating things in his head before he say anything. Nino wondered if he should be worried or offended or both.
“Is there a particular reason you’re looking at me like that?”
Aiba darted his gaze away, smiled sheepishly. “Ah, I’m wondering how I should tell you about - about what I actually found out regarding the incident last night. Well, we - your mother and sister and I - stayed up late talking about it, actually.”
Nino frowned. “Incident? You mean, when you guys teamed up to accuse Ohno-san and/or his sister of murdering me? That incident?”
Aiba grinned, half-heartedly as he scratched at the back of his head. “Yeah, well, pretty much.”
“What about it?”
“Well, it turned out there really was a test conducted on the necklace and pendant. And the document of that test result. They were all in the case file copies Kaa-chan has in her possession. She showed them to us last night, after Ohno left.”
He frowned harder. “And she didn’t bother telling us about it or putting those out for us to see, yet she still expected me to just stand there and do nothing while you guys accuse the only other person who I couldn’t even imagine hurting me, the person who swore his life to protect me?” he countered, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling that phantom pain settling at the general vicinity of his heart, remembering everything Ohno-san told him last night, before he left.
“Ohno said that?”
“Not in so many words, but I get the drift. Especially after I spent the whole of yesterday observing him, then all of you, last night,” he said. “Then again, everything became pretty clear when he and I talked. Though, I could tell he kept the story-telling at the minimum; probably didn’t want my brain to explode with the sudden information overload or something. Guess I can’t really blame him for it. I was pretty shaken up when he was done talking.”
“It must be really - confusing, huh?”
He nodded. “That too. Plus, it’s pretty obvious that no one wanted to tell me who he is, who he was to me, even after he’d practically admitted it, right? Not even the man himself at first, and that’s seriously frustrating, I’ll tell you that. I thought I was gonna have to figure it out myself while hoping for my memories to come back while I was doing it.”
Aiba blinked, confused. “At first? What does that mean? Are you saying you know now? That Ohno was -”
It was his turn to look away this time. “Supposed to be my long-lost, forgotten boyfriend?” he cut in, hoping he sounded not the least bit amused. He was, though, despite himself. “Well, yeah, I guess. He kind of admitted it, after all, right? And well, I had my suspicions from the start, and he kind of just, well, confirmed it for me. Last night. Which was - weird, if I’m going to be honest about it.”
“What - How? But I thought you don’t remember anything -“
He shook his head. “I don’t. I still couldn’t, frustrating as it is,” he clarified, meeting Aiba’s eyes this time. “He kind of, well - told me. Last night. Actually, I asked. I told him he owed me that much, to say the least, so, he just kind of - did? I guess I didn’t really give him much of a choice, that’s why.”
“Oh, Nino,” Aiba exclaimed, words trailing here as if he had no idea what to say. Nino wholeheartedly agreed, even if he didn’t want to. “I’m sorry. I can see it’s not helping though, is it?” Nino shook his head. To be honest, the admission only served to make him even more confused than he already was.
“I - I know it’s weird, but there’s just… something about him, even though I don’t really know who is - who he was, at the beginning,” he started, trying to rearrange his thoughts into some semblance of sense. Everything’s confusing, and Ohno-san saying they were more than friends before the accident happened didn’t help ease that confusion either. Even though it should make sense. That much was obvious, at least. The looks Ohno-san kept throwing his way when he thought he wasn’t looking, the gentleness with which he always made Nino feel when he was around.
For admitting he loved Nino - albeit indirectly, and maybe not using the exact same words, but a phrase that meant the same thing, anyway - and looking and sounding like it was breaking his heart, saying that.
To his credit, it made Nino wonder why hearing it straight from Ohno-san himself felt like his heart was breaking in half, too. Was it because of how he said it? Or just his mind playing tricks on him? He honestly didn’t know.
“From the first time I saw him, when he came here to visit, you know? Something that my brain simply couldn’t rationalize. It’s not the awful kind, though, because to be honest?” he said, pausing here to give Aiba a look.
“I feel safe with him,” he murmured, and it was an admission he didn’t exactly wagered on, but ended up doing anyway. “And that’s the part I don’t get, I mean, I have no memory of him so, it’s - it’s hard, convincing myself I’m not insane for feeling the way I feel when he’s around.”
Aiba chuckled. “Is it really that difficult to believe what your heart knows all along, Nino-chan?” Aiba said, like he knew exactly what he was talking about. “I mean, just think about it. There should be a reason why you feel that way about him, right?”
He shrugged. “Maybe,” he said, “But I still think it’s better to have memories to go with those unsettling emotions, don’t you think? It would be easier to understand why I feel like weeping every time he looks at me like he wants to hold me but he can’t,” he said.
“I hope you know I have every intention of helping you, but I’m not really sure how. I mean, I get that it must be so hard, but I’m still counting on what your doctor said about letting your memories come back on their own volition. I don’t think forcing yourself at this point would really be of any help.”
Nino blinked. “What if I don’t have to force it? Maybe I just have to, you know, trigger it? The memories, I mean?”
Aiba looked perpetually confused, and at this point, Nino really couldn’t blame him anymore.
“How?”
He bit his lips for a moment, wishing he wouldn’t be making the (second) biggest mistake of his life by proposing this. This pretty much meant he had every intention of forcing those memories back, but he was past the point of giving a fuck to even care.
“You know the house where the accident happened, right?”
Aiba still looked confused, but he seemed dubious now, too. “Y-Yeah, why?”
“I need you to take me there,” he exclaimed in a rush, watching Aiba’s expression changed drastically from confusion to doubt to horror in the expanse of just a few seconds. “I think seeing the place will help me remember.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, Aiba-shi, I’m not. And I want to do it, the sooner the better.”
“Oh, hell.”
+
It was to the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket that woke him, but it was the awful buzzing in his head that made him wished he turned the damn thing off before he crashed. But, come to think of it, the latter he couldn’t even remember doing - drinking himself to oblivion being the last thing that came to mind.
The continued ringing jerked him further into wakefulness, and he groaned, pulling himself upright into a somewhat sitting position, and quickly regretting that too. His skull felt like it was going to split in two, cursing under his breath as he fished around his pants’ pockets for his phone.
“God, I’m gonna kill you. I swear to God, I’m gonna kill you -“ he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut hoping that would ease the tension throbbing in his temple. It didn’t, but at least it kept the buzzing in his ears to minimum that it was almost bearable. When his fingers found his phone, he didn’t even bother opening his eyes to see who was calling and simply let his thumb do the work, sliding across the screen to accept the call.
“Yeah?” he snapped, not bothering hiding his distaste and vaguely hearing the way his voice sounded scratchy and his mouth tasted like ashtray and bad choices. God damn it.
“Jun-san, hello. Uh, good - afternoon?” the person on the other end sounded hesitant, and maybe a little - scared? He sounded very familiar too that Jun thought of hanging up as soon as he answered but he figured there was a good enough reason why the man was calling. He hoped. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be responsible for acting like a total asshole in the next few minutes for verbally boxing the man’s ears for calling him for no good reason.
“Yuuri-kun, hi. What’s up?” he asked; he’d rather be asking something else, really, but he guessed that sounded pretty good as starter question for now.
Ohno’s not-really adopted younger brother very obviously took a moment, paused for a bit before he was speaking again. Even from the other end of the line, the other man sounded anxious, kind of scared, and pretty much like he always did when he was talking with Jun.
“Um, I apologize for calling, I know you must be - busy. But I just - I thought I should just call you instead to ask you and, well, remind you about the artworks you told me to pick up today? Satoshi-nii isn’t answering his phone and I’ve sent him at least ten texts to confirm if I could come pick them up today, but, yeah, he wasn’t answering. I’m so sorry.”
Jun cursed inwardly, feeling inclined to scrub his face raw in annoyance, remembering exactly what the man from the other end was talking about. They were the samples pieces that were supposed to be sent to the Higayashima-san’s office today for confirmation, and he obviously forgot all about it.
Clearly, Ohno did too.
“That’s today?” he asked, feeling slightly stupid afterwards.
“Uh, yes, Jun-san.”
Fuck. Fuck!
He groaned again, feeling the throbbing pain at the back of his skull doubling in size. “Fuck, I completely forgot about that. Obviously, so did Ohno. Uh. You said he wasn’t answering your calls?”
“No, I’ve tried many times. Since this morning, actually. At first, his phone was still ringing, but now all my calls are going straight to voicemail. Sorry, Jun-san.”
He mentally bristled. It was one thing to be frustrated about stuff he had no control over, and Yuuri’s constant apologizing was certainly not helping.
“Not your fault,” he said, then, quickly followed it with, “Tell you what, I’ll call Higayashima-san’s office to let them know that the samples might be delivered later today. If it’s possible to request them to receive the samples tomorrow, which is much better at this point, I supposed, I’ll let you know too. Still, can you, I don’t know, come to the apartment in like, two hours to pick them up? I’ll have to check his studio first to see if he’s already packed them.”
“Um, you mean yours and Satoshi-nii’s apartment, right?” Yuuri asked, sounding clearly confused. Jun wished he could explain everything to him but he obviously didn’t have that luxury. Also, he didn’t think it was appropriate. That was all up to Ohno now to explain this mess to his own family. Jun had a lot on his plate already to even worry himself sick over that too.
“Yes, but I’m not staying there now so you have to give me at least an hour to get the artworks ready before you have to pick them up.” he said. It would be at least under half an hour travel from Shun’s place to his and Ohno’s apartment, but with the way his head was pounding like there was an army of elephants tapping away at the back of his skull, he was certain he would need at least half hour more to himself to remedy that.
“Uh, but I’m already here, Jun-san,” Yuuri said, apologetic.
That sort of derailed his thought for a bit right there. “Here where?”
“Uh, the apartment? Satoshii-nii isn’t here, either.” Jun was thankful the other guy wasn’t nowhere near him, otherwise he might have already reached over to smack him upside the head for pissing him off.
“In the building or in the apartment?” he thought to ask after a moment, just to clarify.
“In the apartment,” Yuuri said, “Um, Satoshi-nii gave me a key after the first exhibition, didn’t he tell you?” Ohno didn’t, obviously; it was one more thing that made the awful feeling in Jun’s stomach worse.
“No, he didn’t,” he snorted. “Well, since you’re already there, can you check his studio? I did remind him about it before I le - I mean, a few days ago so, maybe they’re there?”
“Uh, his studio is locked, Jun-san. I already checked.”
Fuck. “And that means you don’t have a key for that door, am I right?”
“No. Sorry, Jun-san.”
“No, it’ll actually freak me out a little - no, a lot, if you say you have a key to that too. Anyway, just, I don’t know, make yourself home? I’ll try and call Ohno first, just to check if he would answer, but I’ll try to be there as soon as I can, yeah?”
“Okay, Jun-san. Thank you. I’ll just wait for you here.”
Jun hung up, groaning, before throwing his phone aside. As if on cue, Shun’s voice broke through his mental struggle, prompting him to raise his head to squint at Shun. He was leaning against the doorframe and staring Jun over with raised eyebrows.
Jun shook his head and waved Shun away, with feelings, grimacing at the foul taste left in his mouth. He didn’t need his goddamn preaching this early - he was certain his head wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment either - and that was that.
“What, I haven’t even said anything,” Shun said; he sounded like he was laughing too, the bastard, and Jun flipped him off for good measure.
“I can hear your thoughts loud and clear, jerk. You can shut up now, by the way.”
“Really? Does that mean you already know what I was going to ask?” Shun followed, obviously ignoring Jun and his request for some quiet. Or peace. God, his head was killing him.
“Oh, god. Shun, seriously - ”
“Wow, that’s cool. Did your sexy doctor teach you that?” Shun said, still ignoring Jun as Jun felt the other side of the bed dipped when Shun sat next to him.
Jun groaned. “Shun, for the love of god, could you, I don’t know, leave me alone for a few minutes until I sort myself out? My head is killing me and I swear, hearing your voice this early isn’t helping.”
“It’s one in the afternoon.” Shun said, pointing out the obvious, the jerk.
“And it still feels early, shut up.”
“There’s aspirin on your bedside table, and water, you didn’t see it?”
“I haven’t found the time to check it, obviously, since that call woke me up. I’m planning on doing that now, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, sure. Go ahead.” Shun said, though he didn’t make a move to leave. Jun felt like punching him.
He settled on turning around to face Shun instead, knowing that the asshole wouldn’t leave until he got what he wanted. Or heard what he needed to hear, damn it all.
“Fuck’s sake, Shun, what is it?” he muttered, then immediately shutting up when he realized Shun was handing the glass of water and aspirin over.
“Drink this,” Shun said, and for some reason, he was no longer smiling, or looking like he was still teasing Jun. In fact, Shun looked concerned, his brows furrowed as he stared at Jun. Jun wondered what he did to warrant the way Shun was looking at him like he’d done something indefinably stupid.
“And then you can tell me what happened last night when I left you with your doctor and why he refused to leave you alone even after he took you home,”
“What - What do you mean?”
Shun blinked. “Exactly what I want to know, buddy,” he said, waiting until Jun took the medicine and the glass of water before he stood. “Now, drink that and join us outside, okay? We’ll talk there. I’ll have the coffee ready.”
“Can I take a shower first?”
Shun shook his head. “Do that later.”
“What, why?” Jun blinked in confusion.
Shun didn’t even look the least bit impressed. “Because your doctor is outside, Matsumoto. In my living room, sitting on my couch, drinking his seventeenth cup of coffee and seriously scaring the shit out of my wife. Now, get your ass outside as quickly as you could manage it, okay? But just - fucking brush your teeth first, alright. Your breath smells like fucking sewer, Jesus Christ.” Shun complained, then promptly left.
Jun downed the medicine with water so quickly he thought he was going to drown himself afterwards, stumbling on his feet to get to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
What the fuck was going on?
(IHKYIMH - part 18)