(no subject)
i have not heard from tate in 4 days (5 if you count this as friday).
for the past few weeks, he has been shit. cancelling any plans we have... i have seen him a total of 4 times in the last 5 weeks. ridiculous. his reasons for cancelling are good... i.e. he keeps having to stay late at work almost every night. he's had family stuff (both his dad and brother graduated in the past 2 weeks) however i am done with excuses. in my opinion... if he wanted to see me badly enough he would happily forgo a couple of hours extra sleep in order to come over to mine after work.
he came over on friday to 'talk'. we did this only 3 weeks before - then it was right after his courtdate (which if i didn't mention, the case got thrown out for lack of evidence). i had gotten angry at him for letting me worry and sweat for an entire 24hours before he let me know he was ok, and then was STILL off with me when he had no excuse. he told me he didn't know if he could make it over to mine that night because he had to work late - bearing in mind this was a friday and so he wouldn't have had to be up early the next day. the next thing i know, i am standing in line for oceana staring at him and his friend ivan. i was angry.. but he apologised and came over the next day to sort things out. i relented.. because he promised to make things better and i like him so much i believed him. the next time i saw him was as normal, i cooked him dinner and we had a proper night all to ourselves.
of course then it went back to the same. another 2 weeks of not seeing him, and him still being off with me (i.e. before all this happened we would text every day without fail and it had been almost a continous convo since the night we met. he was affectionate and dirty and all that stuff without me even prompting it.. now if i said anything like that he didn't even acknowledge it). eventually he managed to come over - this is the friday just gone. i went out to a friends 21st, drank a lot and smoked some dro then met him back at mine around 4am (he had been to oceana). i had been planning on not sleeping with him because i don't want him to think he can not see me for 2 weeks and then just come over and get laid. of course in my state it happened before we even really talked... afterwards we did talk. he said sorry. he said everyone has been saying that he's off with them. he said he would get things back to how they were and that it was the last time he would say that. he said, and i quote 'i like you.. and i want to be with you... i really like you'. i told him if he wanted to see me then he would have to make it happen from now on as i am tired of making an effort and getting knocked back all the time, and i can't remember the last time he asked to see me. his reply was 'can i see you tuesday after work?' and i said yes.
the next day he had to leave around 11am as his whole family was going to brighton for the wkend as a graduation suprise for his dad. he said he would try and come over sunday evening. he text me sunday night saying he wanted to be 'aimee-ised' and i replied that he should just stay at mine the night and leave a bit earlier for work. his reply was 'yeah i'd love to.. we're just leaving in a bit i think..'
and now i have not heard from him since then. 5 days. i text him tuesday around 4pm saying 'guess "tuesday after work" was just to shut me up then' - no reply. i called him last night - no answer. i called him tonight - no answer. all i can think is that he's finished with me and is ignoring me. after all if something serious had happened to him his phone would be dead right now, right? the battery wouldn't last this long. tomorrow i will text him asking for just an answer either way.. i'd rather hear it straight than this silence. i don't know what to do if he doesnt reply though...
it hurts because there has been no real breakdown of our relationship. we have had no huge arguments. neither of us have cheated or lied or anything drastic to hurt the other. we were literally perfect one minute and the next thing i know... he's not tate anymore. i have felt single now for quite some time because even when we talk it doesn't feel like my boyfriend. when he came over on friday he had some new goatee thing going on and it looked good but he looked different.. and i remember thinking 'this doesnt seem like my boyfriend...'. i hate that. i loved us. part of me thinks i should stop bothering when he clearly isnt bothered with me.. and that i don't need that in my life.. and then the second i think back to when we were good it hurts so much. we were SO good. i have never had that. and i'm lucky right.. i'm lucky he even noticed me let alone wanted to go out with me. i have wondered if he is just playing me and thats why he's distant.. i don't know. i asked him straight out on friday and he straightaway said no. i don't know what to think. what could possibly have stopped him contacting me except a lack of interest?
i just really miss him. and i am mourning a relationship that seems to have ended before its even reached its peak... i don't understand how something can be so good and then go wrong?
for the past few weeks, he has been shit. cancelling any plans we have... i have seen him a total of 4 times in the last 5 weeks. ridiculous. his reasons for cancelling are good... i.e. he keeps having to stay late at work almost every night. he's had family stuff (both his dad and brother graduated in the past 2 weeks) however i am done with excuses. in my opinion... if he wanted to see me badly enough he would happily forgo a couple of hours extra sleep in order to come over to mine after work.
he came over on friday to 'talk'. we did this only 3 weeks before - then it was right after his courtdate (which if i didn't mention, the case got thrown out for lack of evidence). i had gotten angry at him for letting me worry and sweat for an entire 24hours before he let me know he was ok, and then was STILL off with me when he had no excuse. he told me he didn't know if he could make it over to mine that night because he had to work late - bearing in mind this was a friday and so he wouldn't have had to be up early the next day. the next thing i know, i am standing in line for oceana staring at him and his friend ivan. i was angry.. but he apologised and came over the next day to sort things out. i relented.. because he promised to make things better and i like him so much i believed him. the next time i saw him was as normal, i cooked him dinner and we had a proper night all to ourselves.
of course then it went back to the same. another 2 weeks of not seeing him, and him still being off with me (i.e. before all this happened we would text every day without fail and it had been almost a continous convo since the night we met. he was affectionate and dirty and all that stuff without me even prompting it.. now if i said anything like that he didn't even acknowledge it). eventually he managed to come over - this is the friday just gone. i went out to a friends 21st, drank a lot and smoked some dro then met him back at mine around 4am (he had been to oceana). i had been planning on not sleeping with him because i don't want him to think he can not see me for 2 weeks and then just come over and get laid. of course in my state it happened before we even really talked... afterwards we did talk. he said sorry. he said everyone has been saying that he's off with them. he said he would get things back to how they were and that it was the last time he would say that. he said, and i quote 'i like you.. and i want to be with you... i really like you'. i told him if he wanted to see me then he would have to make it happen from now on as i am tired of making an effort and getting knocked back all the time, and i can't remember the last time he asked to see me. his reply was 'can i see you tuesday after work?' and i said yes.
the next day he had to leave around 11am as his whole family was going to brighton for the wkend as a graduation suprise for his dad. he said he would try and come over sunday evening. he text me sunday night saying he wanted to be 'aimee-ised' and i replied that he should just stay at mine the night and leave a bit earlier for work. his reply was 'yeah i'd love to.. we're just leaving in a bit i think..'
and now i have not heard from him since then. 5 days. i text him tuesday around 4pm saying 'guess "tuesday after work" was just to shut me up then' - no reply. i called him last night - no answer. i called him tonight - no answer. all i can think is that he's finished with me and is ignoring me. after all if something serious had happened to him his phone would be dead right now, right? the battery wouldn't last this long. tomorrow i will text him asking for just an answer either way.. i'd rather hear it straight than this silence. i don't know what to do if he doesnt reply though...
it hurts because there has been no real breakdown of our relationship. we have had no huge arguments. neither of us have cheated or lied or anything drastic to hurt the other. we were literally perfect one minute and the next thing i know... he's not tate anymore. i have felt single now for quite some time because even when we talk it doesn't feel like my boyfriend. when he came over on friday he had some new goatee thing going on and it looked good but he looked different.. and i remember thinking 'this doesnt seem like my boyfriend...'. i hate that. i loved us. part of me thinks i should stop bothering when he clearly isnt bothered with me.. and that i don't need that in my life.. and then the second i think back to when we were good it hurts so much. we were SO good. i have never had that. and i'm lucky right.. i'm lucky he even noticed me let alone wanted to go out with me. i have wondered if he is just playing me and thats why he's distant.. i don't know. i asked him straight out on friday and he straightaway said no. i don't know what to think. what could possibly have stopped him contacting me except a lack of interest?
i just really miss him. and i am mourning a relationship that seems to have ended before its even reached its peak... i don't understand how something can be so good and then go wrong?