(no subject)
i'm writing this through incredibly tired eyes that just won't sleep. that's my life story, these days. i work til late, come home, and then can't sleep. i am still working for slipstream, of course. i have started working on the bar at hammersmith apollo, as of this week, too - mainly because 70% of the acts they seem to book are comedians, who rarely have merchandise. if they do, they usually only need one person working- this way, michael and i both get to earn some money. i don't like it much though. bar work's not for me, i don't think, and a lot of the venue staff are unfriendly. but! carry on i shall, as poor i am. before this uni year started i had managed to hit my overdraft limit- meaning that when i got my loan through, £1,200 went straight to paying off that. then there's rent and after that i had only about £400 leftover. now i am pretty sure i am quite far into my overdraft again, and only two months' rent has come out of it! rent is due again in a few days.. actually, what am i saying. the days have run away with me; this ALWAYS happens when i work lots. it's the 14th, rent comes out on the 12th. so yeah.. i must be pretty far into it. i am planning to make this up with my wages though. i am determined to NOT still be in my overdraft by the time my next loan instalment comes through, otherwise i will just end up in a vicious circle. funnily enough, though, i am getting better with my shopping habit. i'm not GOOD, yet, but i'm doing better...
my new housemates are quite lovely. i get on with charlene the most. we have regular nights out to the salsa club in central and giggle over boys. i am still horribly single. currently crushing over this week's merchandise road man - james. very cute, suprisingly young (they are usually 40-odd) and VERY funny. he's great. but sooo not interested, AND leaving tomorrow. never mind. he was a worthwhile crush. other than that, i am of course still crushing on just about every cutie within the hammersmith apollo. did meet a guy at salsa but it hasnt gone anywhere - c'est la vie!
i think i have fully accepted my situation with mark, too. it will never get good, ever. i will never get over him, i know that, but i also know that i will get used to it, that it will get better, and in fact.. maybe it already has. it doesn't hurt physically, anymore, not really. a small ache, maybe, but not the gut wrenching pain i used to feel at the beginning, or the eye-watering heartache i used to feel at the end. now it's more of.. a yearning, for what never was. i miss him. i love him. but i can live without him, i think.
my new housemates are quite lovely. i get on with charlene the most. we have regular nights out to the salsa club in central and giggle over boys. i am still horribly single. currently crushing over this week's merchandise road man - james. very cute, suprisingly young (they are usually 40-odd) and VERY funny. he's great. but sooo not interested, AND leaving tomorrow. never mind. he was a worthwhile crush. other than that, i am of course still crushing on just about every cutie within the hammersmith apollo. did meet a guy at salsa but it hasnt gone anywhere - c'est la vie!
i think i have fully accepted my situation with mark, too. it will never get good, ever. i will never get over him, i know that, but i also know that i will get used to it, that it will get better, and in fact.. maybe it already has. it doesn't hurt physically, anymore, not really. a small ache, maybe, but not the gut wrenching pain i used to feel at the beginning, or the eye-watering heartache i used to feel at the end. now it's more of.. a yearning, for what never was. i miss him. i love him. but i can live without him, i think.