yes, i believe you.
august second, 2007. time seems to be flying forward faster and faster, but not fast enough. all i want to do is get this uncertainty out of the way. two weeks exactly until results day, which may or may not be a happy day, but will at least allow me to begin making plans for the next year. funny, that. how i, being a student of sorts, think of years as beginning and ending each september.
i don't think i've even got real options decided. they're very vague. i imagine:
scenario one: i get a b and a c. i'm into uni. panic ensues due to me having sorted out nothing, saved zero pounds and prepared myself not at all.
scenario two: i get, maybe, two c's. i call up and they let me in anyway. cue the panic detailed above.
scenario three: i apply through clearing. where and when and how, i have no idea.
scenario four: i don't get the grades, and i don't get in through begging or clearing. college let me go back. i retake the second year, properly this time.
scenario five: i don't get into uni, and college don't let me back in. i (gulp) find a real, grownup job for a year and study in the evenings for exam retakes in january and, in the event of me failing a second time (likely, without the tuition), again in june.
it all sounds very easy and simple, but i've never been very good at organising myself or my life or doing official things like calling up universities. but- let's concentrate on the present. despite working in shitty retail, i actually quite enjoy my job. it's not too hard, there is barely any room for making mistakes or people making me feel worthless (unless it's those annoying people who are very sure of themselves and make you feel like an idiot for not knowing the difference between different valances, or how many inches are in so-many-feet, or the size of a single bed) and i get to spend around half of each day checking out the cute man who works in phones4u (but is, as is every other phone salesman in the country, clearly very arrogant) and also the cute big issue man. so yes, work is alright. friendships are alright but not great. i feel more and more cut off from my three grrls every day; they have other friends and other plans and all i have is them. maddie is currently in turkey with sarah, ellie and sheena- two of whom i don't even remember from school. this makes me sad because i feel it's US she should be holidaying with. but who am i to say such things. perhaps if i had the ability to make friends other than them, i'd be on holiday with someone else as well. finally, and perhaps most importantly, i (eventually) went for my gym induction today. it's quite nice, although there is no jacuzzi or sauna and not even a café; and not too crowded, and i did half an hour on the bike with no problems so i think this gym thing will work out well for me. Being Slim, here i come.
currently i am taping the kings of leon albums for my dad and waiting for sunday when he will drive me to pc world to check out laptops to buy at the end of this month, and then take me for dinner with my dying grandad. i am incredibly lonely.
i don't think i've even got real options decided. they're very vague. i imagine:
scenario one: i get a b and a c. i'm into uni. panic ensues due to me having sorted out nothing, saved zero pounds and prepared myself not at all.
scenario two: i get, maybe, two c's. i call up and they let me in anyway. cue the panic detailed above.
scenario three: i apply through clearing. where and when and how, i have no idea.
scenario four: i don't get the grades, and i don't get in through begging or clearing. college let me go back. i retake the second year, properly this time.
scenario five: i don't get into uni, and college don't let me back in. i (gulp) find a real, grownup job for a year and study in the evenings for exam retakes in january and, in the event of me failing a second time (likely, without the tuition), again in june.
it all sounds very easy and simple, but i've never been very good at organising myself or my life or doing official things like calling up universities. but- let's concentrate on the present. despite working in shitty retail, i actually quite enjoy my job. it's not too hard, there is barely any room for making mistakes or people making me feel worthless (unless it's those annoying people who are very sure of themselves and make you feel like an idiot for not knowing the difference between different valances, or how many inches are in so-many-feet, or the size of a single bed) and i get to spend around half of each day checking out the cute man who works in phones4u (but is, as is every other phone salesman in the country, clearly very arrogant) and also the cute big issue man. so yes, work is alright. friendships are alright but not great. i feel more and more cut off from my three grrls every day; they have other friends and other plans and all i have is them. maddie is currently in turkey with sarah, ellie and sheena- two of whom i don't even remember from school. this makes me sad because i feel it's US she should be holidaying with. but who am i to say such things. perhaps if i had the ability to make friends other than them, i'd be on holiday with someone else as well. finally, and perhaps most importantly, i (eventually) went for my gym induction today. it's quite nice, although there is no jacuzzi or sauna and not even a café; and not too crowded, and i did half an hour on the bike with no problems so i think this gym thing will work out well for me. Being Slim, here i come.
currently i am taping the kings of leon albums for my dad and waiting for sunday when he will drive me to pc world to check out laptops to buy at the end of this month, and then take me for dinner with my dying grandad. i am incredibly lonely.