confronting the conversation confrontation.

[ohkenzie]

 So, yesterday was pretty good, right up until about 8 o'clock. Wilgus and I went to Jiffy Market, then hiked the butte, and then came back down to Jiffy, where Grant (Wilgus's friend) and Grant's friend, Ted, showed up. They ended up sitting with us for an hour or so, just chatting and whatnot. I was focused on finding a tattoo font, so I was

Comments

[soundlyy]

Don't forget that my house has a shower and a bed, okay? Seriously. Text my dad. Call my dad. Say you're crashing in my bed or whatever, anytime. He gets it.

It feels like this is happening more frequently, and it sounds pretty tiresome. It's obviously unfair, but maybe you should start looking into getting a better job than Regional so you don't HAVE to deal with it. Getting a roommate or something like that. They can't keep putting you through this and Dirk obviously doesn't GET it.

I'm confused on why you thought things were going to end with Wilgus because of this kind of situation. It worries me because it makes me feel like you feel like when you can't offer something to Wilgus that he'll feel like he doesn't need you and if he feels like he doesn't need you, he won't want you... but that doesn't seem to be what you're relationship is about. Actually, Wilgus sounds like he was pretty comforting (which I think you realize now in retrospect). I'm just worried how Bobby treated you is affecting your relationship with Wilgus. You seem timid of the other small things that would probably go away if you just talked to him about it and had open communication like I know you know I've suggested before. Maybe I'm reading too much into everything, but you know me.

I love you.

[ohkenzie]

The whole thing with Dirk is so frustrating. He doesn't listen to me and he never lets me calm down. I know I can call your dad and talk to him. I would have last night, but it was late and I did not want to impose.

As far as Wilgus, I think you're spot on. Bobby really did mess me up. I feel like if something happens to me, and it's completely out of my control; or if I feel really emotional about something, I can't or don't want to show it because I'm scared it will drive him away. And I don't want that at all. Wilgus makes me so happy, and I feel really lucky to be able to call him my boyfriend. So yeah, I'm frightened of losing him, especially over something like that.

I don't know what to do about it or how to talk to him about it, because I don't want him to feel like my ex boyfriend is haunting me or something. You know I want Bobby removed from my life. But I can't help these silly fears. And I think it also has to do with having something indefinite, like my parents' relationships. It seems like all three parents have just had failed, miserable relationships, and I'm just really scared of having something that I enjoy so much slip through my hands because I cried, or because I wanted him too much, or because of something like last night, where I can't control it.

I think I'm okay now though, but it still bothers me slightly. I don't know how to handle it.

[soundlyy]

I think you should write him a letter? You know we are better letter writers than anything else.

[ohkenzie]

You don't think that would be weird? I just don't want to scare him away. That's my biggest concern.

[soundlyy]

Well he said I love you first, so... no, I don't think it would scare him away? I mean, in terms of "luggage," wouldn't you want to know what made him feel vulnerable or insecure so you guys could work on it together so that the other person never had to feel that way?

Also, if that DID scare him away... like, how much do you want to be with a person that can't see where you're coming from and have an open communicative relationship with?

[ohkenzie]

Yeah, I suppose you're right. I'll write him a letter tonight while he's reffing his football game and give it to him either later this evening if I see him, or tomorrow.