Flakes.
I'm sort of not very happy.
First off, Yesterday was Jake's birthday. I thought we were really cool. Like, really cool. We were hanging out a lot, he was telling me lots of information, I was listening and sort of telling him things about Bobby and I. I dunno, I just thought we had a really cool, easy friendship. He had a BBQ at his place or whatever, and he posted it in his status. I TALKED to him while I was getting my hair done, and wished him a happy birthday. So I said, "Thanks for inviting me," which I guess I should have put a ", lol" after it, but it really doesn't matter. He replied, "I only invited close buddies. I'm sorry." Like, really? I understand we haven't been best buds since 9th grade, but you would think that someone you are fairly open with about things and have been hanging out with a lot would INVITE you to a social gathering. I dunno, I think he's a big ol' flake, to be honest. He does things--talks, hangs out, etc--on his terms, pretty much, which I don't really like? He gives a lot of mixed signals, even for a friend.
Then there's the whole Bobby thing, with him just disappearing and not even trying to contact me. I'm upset by that the most, I think. He was starting to talk to me, and then just didn't. He just stopped, without any attempt to say, "HEY, this is what happened, I am doing this, I am okay." Like, there was absolutely no consideration, even though I texted him multiple times throughout the day. I'M SORRY BUT I AM NEVER SO BUSY OR DISTRACTED THAT I DO NOT CHECK MY FUCKING PHONE. EVER EVER EVER. I mean, maybe his phone died, MAYBE. But still. If my phone died, I would be like, "Hey, I need to get ahold of my significant other at some point and let them know what's going on so they don't think my absence is WEIRD or take it the wrong way." Apparently I'm the only fucking person in the world with any forethought, though. Besides Megan, probably.
My dad (Dirk) was pissing me off all day, too. As soon as I came home from my hair appointment he was on my case, telling my mother not to baby me, that I could cook for myself. I was starving and feeling dizzy and light headed. My blood sugar dropped, I could tell, because my body felt weird and I was weak and had NO energy all day long, not until way later in the night after I'd had some food. My mom basically told my dad to shut up, saying that didn't baby me very often, and liked to when she felt like cooking for me (I don't really see how cooking for me is babying me?). Anyway, so he was doing that. And he's always really rude to me in front of company, too. Like he has to prove something to them. I feel like if he has a problem with me doing something, he could give me a look rather than vocalizing everything and exploiting me. I don't think that's fair. It's like your boss degrading you in front of your co-workers. IT'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T DO. I went out with my mom after that, and she got me a burrito from Burrito Boy, even though she'd already made me a grilled cheese earlier, so I was grateful and appreciative of her for that. I was starving, so I just ate it while we walked around the mall until I felt adequately full.
When we got home (my vase had fallen earlier before my mom and I left the house, and I thought it broke), I, at some point, went into my parent's room, telling him that I needed my dvd's back because they were leaning and pushing everything off the shelf. I had already picked up the contents of my vase and placed it back on the shelf in a manner that would prevent it from falling again. So I went in, and he started yelling at me, getting really bitchy for NO REASON. "I'm TRYING to do something with your dvds, but if YOU WANT THEM BACK, then just take them." I told him, "My dvds are falling off the shelf and pushing my glass vase off, and my Buddha. I need to make it so they don't lean." He just wasn't getting it. "Can't you find some other way to do it?" I said I couldn't, that I already tried. And he just got irrationally heated about the subject and basically told me to get the fuck out of his room with my shit. I was really confused and angered by this, so I just took my dvds and left. Oh yeah, we argued about which ones were mine. "We gave you the duplicates," he said. "Yeah, I know," I replied, "And these are the duplicates." So I'm in my room trying to fix my dvd shelf and my vase falls again. I now have two sets of dents in my desk, right on the edge, from the impact of my vase. Everything spilled to the floor, and I was extremely agitated by this, so I said, "GOD DAMN IT." Right then, OF COURSE, my dad comes in yelling at me about something, I don't even remember. He was just being a huge douche and I'm really quite frankly tired of him taking everything out on me. I am starting to lose respect for him.
I ended up going to Barnes & Nobel for about two hours or so to do lit homework after that happened. I did my vocabulary packet and started reading The Canterbury Tales, and got halfish way through The Prologue. I don't like Chaucer, at all. I dilly-dallied around in the Non-fiction area, and of course found myself flipping through the pages of Persuasion. I really wanted to get it, but I did not.
I came home after that, blahblahblah. I talked to Megan a bit about Chandler (code name, haha) I think, and about Bobby, and my dad, and her dad, and fighting. We pretty much just vented to each other. It was nice.
I ended up going to this kid's house that I had seen at school before he graduated, but didn't really know, because my ex-coworker/potential friend was there and wanted to hang out. At first I wasn't sure if I was going to go, but I really didn't want to sit at home and think about Bobby all night, or continue to be irritated. So I left at about 11 o'clock, I think. I got over there, and I got sorta lost because his street was not marked clearly at ALL. I kept driving back and forth. The only reason I knew I was at the right place was because of Ryan's Jurassic Park jeep. So Tanner, Ryan, and myself all sat around watching the Olympics for probably twenty minutes while Ryan and I just chit-chatted. Tanner eventually went to bed, which I thought was awkward, and left Ryan and I together. He was drunk already when I got there, but he was coherent enough to have a decent conversation with. It was like that most of the time. He was drunk, I was sober, and we talked about a lot of things: working at Gamestop, people, tattoos, weed, Erin, raves and ecstasy, how we're both in long-distance relationships, etc. etc. It was pretty fun. At around 3:45 though, I think his drinking caught up with him because he just slowed way the hell down and got really tired. He was pretty unresponsive, and was talking a lot of jibberish, lol. So I left at 4 o'clock and came home.
I'm going to finish my English homework and reading when I wake up. I want to go to work with Megan because it is a good way to spend four hours. I also want to avoid any potential confrontation my dad may greet me with tomorrow. I have a feeling he will.
I am also dead broke. I need to collect money from Will asap, as well as cash Megan's check on Monday. I tried to today, but they were closed. I am infinitely stressed about work, and the whole incident on Thursday. I have felt awful about it since it happened. The intensity of it all has not left my system, and I get tight and feel bad in the stomach when I think about it.
OY VEY.
First off, Yesterday was Jake's birthday. I thought we were really cool. Like, really cool. We were hanging out a lot, he was telling me lots of information, I was listening and sort of telling him things about Bobby and I. I dunno, I just thought we had a really cool, easy friendship. He had a BBQ at his place or whatever, and he posted it in his status. I TALKED to him while I was getting my hair done, and wished him a happy birthday. So I said, "Thanks for inviting me," which I guess I should have put a ", lol" after it, but it really doesn't matter. He replied, "I only invited close buddies. I'm sorry." Like, really? I understand we haven't been best buds since 9th grade, but you would think that someone you are fairly open with about things and have been hanging out with a lot would INVITE you to a social gathering. I dunno, I think he's a big ol' flake, to be honest. He does things--talks, hangs out, etc--on his terms, pretty much, which I don't really like? He gives a lot of mixed signals, even for a friend.
Then there's the whole Bobby thing, with him just disappearing and not even trying to contact me. I'm upset by that the most, I think. He was starting to talk to me, and then just didn't. He just stopped, without any attempt to say, "HEY, this is what happened, I am doing this, I am okay." Like, there was absolutely no consideration, even though I texted him multiple times throughout the day. I'M SORRY BUT I AM NEVER SO BUSY OR DISTRACTED THAT I DO NOT CHECK MY FUCKING PHONE. EVER EVER EVER. I mean, maybe his phone died, MAYBE. But still. If my phone died, I would be like, "Hey, I need to get ahold of my significant other at some point and let them know what's going on so they don't think my absence is WEIRD or take it the wrong way." Apparently I'm the only fucking person in the world with any forethought, though. Besides Megan, probably.
My dad (Dirk) was pissing me off all day, too. As soon as I came home from my hair appointment he was on my case, telling my mother not to baby me, that I could cook for myself. I was starving and feeling dizzy and light headed. My blood sugar dropped, I could tell, because my body felt weird and I was weak and had NO energy all day long, not until way later in the night after I'd had some food. My mom basically told my dad to shut up, saying that didn't baby me very often, and liked to when she felt like cooking for me (I don't really see how cooking for me is babying me?). Anyway, so he was doing that. And he's always really rude to me in front of company, too. Like he has to prove something to them. I feel like if he has a problem with me doing something, he could give me a look rather than vocalizing everything and exploiting me. I don't think that's fair. It's like your boss degrading you in front of your co-workers. IT'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T DO. I went out with my mom after that, and she got me a burrito from Burrito Boy, even though she'd already made me a grilled cheese earlier, so I was grateful and appreciative of her for that. I was starving, so I just ate it while we walked around the mall until I felt adequately full.
When we got home (my vase had fallen earlier before my mom and I left the house, and I thought it broke), I, at some point, went into my parent's room, telling him that I needed my dvd's back because they were leaning and pushing everything off the shelf. I had already picked up the contents of my vase and placed it back on the shelf in a manner that would prevent it from falling again. So I went in, and he started yelling at me, getting really bitchy for NO REASON. "I'm TRYING to do something with your dvds, but if YOU WANT THEM BACK, then just take them." I told him, "My dvds are falling off the shelf and pushing my glass vase off, and my Buddha. I need to make it so they don't lean." He just wasn't getting it. "Can't you find some other way to do it?" I said I couldn't, that I already tried. And he just got irrationally heated about the subject and basically told me to get the fuck out of his room with my shit. I was really confused and angered by this, so I just took my dvds and left. Oh yeah, we argued about which ones were mine. "We gave you the duplicates," he said. "Yeah, I know," I replied, "And these are the duplicates." So I'm in my room trying to fix my dvd shelf and my vase falls again. I now have two sets of dents in my desk, right on the edge, from the impact of my vase. Everything spilled to the floor, and I was extremely agitated by this, so I said, "GOD DAMN IT." Right then, OF COURSE, my dad comes in yelling at me about something, I don't even remember. He was just being a huge douche and I'm really quite frankly tired of him taking everything out on me. I am starting to lose respect for him.
I ended up going to Barnes & Nobel for about two hours or so to do lit homework after that happened. I did my vocabulary packet and started reading The Canterbury Tales, and got halfish way through The Prologue. I don't like Chaucer, at all. I dilly-dallied around in the Non-fiction area, and of course found myself flipping through the pages of Persuasion. I really wanted to get it, but I did not.
I came home after that, blahblahblah. I talked to Megan a bit about Chandler (code name, haha) I think, and about Bobby, and my dad, and her dad, and fighting. We pretty much just vented to each other. It was nice.
I ended up going to this kid's house that I had seen at school before he graduated, but didn't really know, because my ex-coworker/potential friend was there and wanted to hang out. At first I wasn't sure if I was going to go, but I really didn't want to sit at home and think about Bobby all night, or continue to be irritated. So I left at about 11 o'clock, I think. I got over there, and I got sorta lost because his street was not marked clearly at ALL. I kept driving back and forth. The only reason I knew I was at the right place was because of Ryan's Jurassic Park jeep. So Tanner, Ryan, and myself all sat around watching the Olympics for probably twenty minutes while Ryan and I just chit-chatted. Tanner eventually went to bed, which I thought was awkward, and left Ryan and I together. He was drunk already when I got there, but he was coherent enough to have a decent conversation with. It was like that most of the time. He was drunk, I was sober, and we talked about a lot of things: working at Gamestop, people, tattoos, weed, Erin, raves and ecstasy, how we're both in long-distance relationships, etc. etc. It was pretty fun. At around 3:45 though, I think his drinking caught up with him because he just slowed way the hell down and got really tired. He was pretty unresponsive, and was talking a lot of jibberish, lol. So I left at 4 o'clock and came home.
I'm going to finish my English homework and reading when I wake up. I want to go to work with Megan because it is a good way to spend four hours. I also want to avoid any potential confrontation my dad may greet me with tomorrow. I have a feeling he will.
I am also dead broke. I need to collect money from Will asap, as well as cash Megan's check on Monday. I tried to today, but they were closed. I am infinitely stressed about work, and the whole incident on Thursday. I have felt awful about it since it happened. The intensity of it all has not left my system, and I get tight and feel bad in the stomach when I think about it.
OY VEY.