friends
THIS JOURNAL IS LOCKED.
IF YOU DON'T COMMENT, I WON'T ADD.
Ive accepted that I'll never not be on LiveJournal. Even though this is like my 899th one. I like to believe that I'm a writer.I'm always trying to re-invent myself but I'm incapable of letting go of the past and all the bad habits/ people that have come along. I go through phases; I'll start looking out for myself every now and then but that never lasts long,[look how pretty she is when she falls down] some days all I want is to erase me, erase MargaritaRuiz. The 150mg of Zoloft streaming through my body keep me alive. But there are those nights speeding down the 710 freeway at 2am sitting in the passanger seat, watching the wind flick my cigarette while singing at the top of my lungs and laughing at the boy trying to control the car without his hands or the days that are story-book fairy tale perfect. Those nights make my life worth living, those are the times that I realize how dumb Ive been to wish my own demise. "Cut the crap, Margarita". I get carried away with my feelings more than anybody that I know. Im EXPLOSIVE. I thrive for anything real. I play games perfectly, but thats all getting old now isn't it? its time for something permanent- if only he'd want me too. I have a fucked reputation,but don't bother tying to convice people not to believe what they hear. A drug over dose victim,sniffing powder up my nose till I foam at my mouth and scream obsenities on a starngers couch.I have fucked people over alot. And FYI karma is in the process of biting me in the ass. now i have become everything i said that i never would be. Everything that I write in here is real. Im brutally honest and I don't really care if you are offended by what I write or which pictures I choose to post.
I don't care which movie you went to go see and who ordered what at wherever. I'm only going to comment if I have something to say. I read though, everything. Maybe becos I don't have much of a life, Im not sure. I don't make sense most of the time.I don't know why people like me, I wouldnt want to be associated with myself. None of this matters, the way I feel is going to change within the hour.