Jun 05, 2006 16:09
#015 - Back from Denver…
…and ALMOST wishing I could go back! My workload here is insane. My boss is on vacation this week, and I of all people am in charge. I kinda feel like He-Man in my own special way. I held my pencil over my head this morning and screamed “I HAVE THE POWER!”…but nothing happened. Just a bunch of work that was left for me. It’s currently 3:45pm, I got to work at 8am. I haven’t taken a break until NOW!!! So I figured I might as well blog and let you know that I am alive and well, and here to entertain the masses once more. (as I’m sure that most of you are LESS than thrilled!)
So when I last left you all, I was getting ready to head home. I took the 43 dollar cab ride from the hotel across the street from my work there, to the Denver International airport. I go to check in, and it wont take my credit card to ID me, or my license! I look at the “shit didn’t work out well for us either” line and its about an hour deep. So I do NOT want to have to go over there. Fortunately I had a copy of my itinerary, and on it I had a confirmation number that I could use to get my boarding passes. Life once again is GOOD!
Then I go through security, take the train to my terminal, and start to head to my gate. Then I realize that I am STARVING. So I go to what I consider to be Denver’s version of Chipotle. Just like it, and it was GOOOOD! It was called “El Burrito” (nice imagination on the name there slappy). Anyhow, I had a good El Burrito experience, so I went to sit down at my gate.
I board the plane (this is where shit starts getting interesting) and it is the SAME KIND of plane I almost died on. (Strike one) It reminds you of a paper towel tube with 2 seats on each side. I have a window seat, I’m exhausted, and all I want to do, is sleep 2 of the next 3 hours of my life away. Then the fun begins…
All I want is Apple juice to drink, the obviously gay steward takes my order…and forgets to give it to me, it seems some guys 5 dollar glass of wine was more important than I was. Do I very kindly asked him for another…he looks at me and says “Oh didn’t I give you one already?” I felt like looking at him and saying, “Do I look like a fucking goat, do you think I ATE the aluminum can???” People are fucking retards I SWEAR! (Strike 2)
The man in front of me sits down. Fidgets constantly the whole time we are preparing for take off, to the point I thought the guy beside him was going to rock his ass right there on the airplane. Then the guy sitting next to ME gets there. He was about 2 times my size and stunk like he just rolled in a pile of melted swiss cheese. Last but not least comes the best of my new 3 amigos…the lady behind me is about 55-65 in age. She is LOUDLY talking, breathing heavy, and having panic attacks every 30 seconds about flying. I am REALLY wishing whoever she is talking to would calm her down. Every time the plane would even MOVE she would gasp and start talking again. So I sneak a peek back because I am wondering what the hell…and I realize…she is talking to herself…out loud…I guess its hard to calm down when your talking to the voices in your own damn HEAD! She also accomplished the feat of slapping me in the back of the head 3 times while getting up to go to the bathroom. It seems that my seat is also a handrail, who knew. About this time fidget boy in front of me puts his seat back to full homie layback pimpin mode, so I have his seatback attached to my knees, and him playing romper fucking room in front of me. Shortly after that Fat Albert beside me Hey Hey Hey’s his ass to sleep and decides that the handrail between us is HIS. Which causes him to elbow me about 20 times. So I put on my headphones, and shot my eyes, and between the elbows, and the knee reconstructions, I try to fall asleep, then the crazy lady comes back, talking so loud, that you can hear her OVER my headphones….turned all the way UP! This is GooB 1 requesting back-up…cause I’m FUCKING SURROUNDED! (Strike three)
FINALLY the plane lands…and as they are hooking us up to the tarmac, I get my little jab of sweet revenge. It seems they kept knocking something with the power lose, so the plane literally would go completely black. People were laughing, and I looked crazy scared to fly lady right in the eyes and said “Im sure glad THAT didn’t happen about 45 minutes ago!” Which sent her into some sort of panic attack I think. I hope she had to get those assholes with the carts to take her to the terminal too! She deserved it. If I coulda took a doughnut away from fat Albert I woulda! I also woulda super glued fidget boy to the next god damned seat he took if I could. I just didn’t have the resources for the last 2.
Well I’ve blogged enough negativity towards United Airlines today….so Ill leave you with the QUESTION of the DAY!
How long do you think it will be until they elect Michael Jackson in as Pope for a day for all his “contributions” to the catholic church??