Yabeki - chapter 11 part 1

[ohime_chan]

Title: Yabeki
Author: Ohimechan & Aiko
Pairing: Jin/Kazuya, Tomohisa/Kazuya, Ryo/Uchi, Shige/Koyama
Characters: X Group: Nishikido Ryo, Yamashita Tomohisa, Koyama Keiichiro, Kato Shigeaki. Y Group: Akanishi Jin, Kamenashi Kazuya, Tanaka Koki, Nakamaru Yuichi. Still in no group: Kusano Hironori.
Disclaimer: General Disclaimer and stuff.
Genre: School fic, angst, love, hate - all that stuff.
Rating: PG13 (I think? I don't know!)
Word Count: 13 137
Notes: This is 21 pages of Pikame. (More or less. ) Just so you know ^^v It's really long. And has to be divided in to two LJ-posts. LOL!


Yabeki - Chapter 11 (part 1)

The sun shone brightly without beating down in the way that burns any unprotected area of skin. The few clouds in the beautifully blue sky were white, fluffy and pleasant to look at. There was no rain, there hadn't been for a few days and neither did it look as though there would be any for a while. The wind gave a light enough breeze to be comfortable without being at all cold.

It was a nice day.

As a child, Tomohisa had learned that there was an easy way to get up the seemingly unclimbable tree in the field near his house. If one looked hard enough, there was a branch both flexible and strong enough to support a person as they used the rough surface of the bark to walk up the side of the trunk. The first tree limb was hidden from view. Nobody could see him, not even from the very base of the tree - and it was more than wide enough to lay back on without fear of falling off.

He'd been using that as his own personal hideaway for almost eight years now, and it still worked perfectly. Nobody had ever found him there.

Hands behind his head and legs crossed at the ankle, the teenager stared up through the tree's leaves and admired the pretty patterns they made with the blue sky behind them. For the moment, he was calm and could ignore the lingering pain in... Just about everywhere, it seemed. Right now he didn't have to think, didn't have to remember anything that'd happened or just how saddening the entire thing was.

Tomohisa checked his watch. Everybody would be out of school by now. He hoped somebody had thought to grab his bag for him.

Stupid, really. He'd been stupid to leave it there like that and just storm out. It'd been a childish move, completely unnecessary - he'd been hit in the stomach before! Lots of times! One couldn't go through life in that class and never have experienced that. Just... God, it'd hurt a lot, and he'd known he was going to cry. Crying in front of the members of Y-group, crying in front of Ryo - it just wasn't acceptable, wasn't good enough.

X-group weren't the smartest, fastest, best or anything; but they still had standards that a person was required to live up to.

He thought perhaps it was time to be going home. If he was too late then his mother would be worried, and he didn't want her to get upset wondering where he was. Though he didn't understand why she still bothered worrying - he'd been disappearing for hours at a time for years, had always come back unmarked and usually a lot happier anyway. He had this tree to thank for that.

But then, if the tree knew what he'd done, it'd probably tip him onto the ground right now anyway.

Running a hand through his hair, Tomohisa sat up and sighed out loud. He was all done crying, there were no more tears left and he honestly felt better. Where was the sense in keeping sadness inside? He jumped down from where he sat, cursing quietly as he landed. He knew he'd break his legs doing that one of these days, but it was much more fun than climbing down the way he'd gotten up.

Time to go home. Time to close the curtains in his bedroom and pretend he didn't mean anything by it.

As he began to walk, thoughts came unbidden to his mind. Thoughts like how nice it would be, being able to do and say and think what he wanted without having to live within these stupid rules. Like how much he'd enjoy being able to walk across his classroom without fear of violence. Like wondering whether or not he'd be able to see well into Kazuya's bedroom from the window in his own...

No. Not a good idea.

Home wasn't far away, so within minutes he was back on his street, walking along in his (now slightly grass-stained) uniform as though he'd just come from school. Though of course he was missing his bag, wasn't sure what on earth he was going to tell his mother. What reason could he have for forgetting something like that? Somehow he didn't think 'I didn't want to cry in front of everyone' was going to work.

He wondered briefly what sort of reaction he'd get if he were to commit suicide in front of the entire class. But of course he had no real desire to do that.

Keeping his eyes firmly on the ground in front of him as he approached his house, Tomohisa did his best to make it obvious he was trying not to see people... In case there was anyone there. Talking was just not something he wanted to do. What would he talk about? How much he wished he could trade lives with someone else? But now he was getting up the front path, towards the door and... There was something leaning against the wall.

Smiling as he realized what it was, Tomohisa picked up his bag and set about looking for his front door key. So long as he had his friends, he'd survive.

The sky had started to get a bit darker when Kazuya slowly walked on his way back home. The home he hadn't been in for about two days now. Somehow he felt like it was a sad thing that he'd return there today. There was no one to meet him, tell him 'okaeri nasai' or yell at him for not being home for so long. Even though 'two days' was just two days, his mother sure would have thought it was a long time. It didn't matter if she didn't have time for him, she'd still yell at him if she had a reason to. It was sort of how his upbringing had been. He knew he'd done something good when he wasn't being yelled at.
He blinked as he felt something hit his head, and thus looked up. The clouds were quickly getting darker and this would mean that it would begin to rain within seconds. Though he didn't mind. He liked the rain, being in the rain - mostly because he knew he could be himself when no one was watching. When he'd be able to stand in the middle of the street with his arms reached out and head leaned back, facing the sky with closed eyes as the rain hit his face. Eventually he'd always get tired in his arms and then he'd let them rest against his sides but still the rain would hit him. Sometimes it even hurt, but it didn't matter. Not even a little bit. Because he treasured every moment he could do it, it was such a relaxing feeling. Not having to put up the facade he'd learned to live with for so long, not having to deal with himself and just stand there, hiding in the rain. Feeling as if nothing mattered. Because, wasn't that the way it was anyway? Nothing really mattered.

As he turned around the corner to the right street he made himself stop walking and for a long moment just stare at the other house. The event that had happened earlier in the morning replayed in his head and he felt tears form in his eyes. Thinking about it caused him pain, but still he couldn't keep himself from reminding himself. Asking the question about what would have happened if he hadn't done it. He knew Jin would have gone crazy about it, but on the other hand, wouldn't that be worth it? Wasn't anything worth that feeling he had felt this same morning? When he had gotten to hear again that he was liked. That someone liked him? Wasn't anything worth just that? That's what he had told himself, but still he had ended up beating up the person who meant the most to him. Not even Jin meant that much.
Not even Jin.

Kazuya closed his eyes and lowered his head as he started to walk again. He wasn't ever going to be able to face Tomohisa again, he knew this. Even though he'd apologize over and over again, the guilt he felt aching in his chest was just too much. He didn't know how to deal with it, it made him almost feel desperate to get rid of it. To have it disappear. Though he was very well aware of that nothing could possibly make all of this go away unless he forgot about it. Which would never happen. How could he ever forgive himself for doing such a mean and heartless thing? Maybe, to people who didn't know, it had just been something that had had to be done to cover their relationship. To save themselves. But Tomohisa would be able to stand on his own, he was strong like that. Though Kazuya wasn't. So he had done it to save himself.

He'd been selfish.

Slowly the rain started to pour down and it was in that same second that Kazuya was just outside his house. Inside the lights were turned off - no one was home. The windows were black, different from the other houses which had lights on inside. He glanced up at the room he knew belonged to Tomohisa - the curtains were closed. The curtains that never, never had been closed even during the most embarrassing moments, were now closed. It stung in his heart as he realized why it must be like that, and he allowed himself to cry. The school bag he had had in his hand dropped to the ground as he lifted his face to, for a few seconds, stare up at the darkened sky. Was this the right way to let it all out? Would he be able to let it all out this way? Probably not. He didn't think so anyway. He'd never experienced this before so he didn't know for sure, but it didn't feel like it. He was too weak for it to be that easy to erase - it hurt too much.
He didn't even have the strength to reach out his arms, but only closed his eyes and let the tears of the sky hit him. Even though he was visible to just about anyone, he felt this was the only way he'd ever be able to hide completely. No one could tell he was crying. No one could tell just by looking at him that he was selfish, that he'd hurt someone dear to him. No one could.

It only took seconds before he lost the strength to stand up, which he often did when he had moments like these, and thus he fell down to his knees with his head lowered. Usually he felt better at this point. As he couldn't look up anymore, as if the sky was done scolding him. But this was different. The pain was still there, the guilt hadn't left him, not even a little bit, and the tears were still running down his cheeks. The rain kept on falling as Kazuya fell down to his side, knowing he wasn't hiding anymore. But he couldn't get up. All strength he had, had been used this day to save himself. To give Jin a pleased smile when he demanded it and laugh with his friends when it'd been needed. He hadn't thought about that he'd collapse in the middle of the street. What if a car came? He wouldn't be able to get up, so he'd be a bother for anyone wanting him to move. Because he didn't have any strength left and he hurt too much. Just to make sure he wouldn't get into trouble, to make sure he'd be okay. To make sure he'd have a group to belong to because he wouldn't be able to stand alone. He'd done it all just to save himself.

Again, he'd been selfish.

Tomohisa's bedroom looked as though nobody had touched it since it'd been vacated earlier that morning. Every detail was exactly the same - except for the teenage boy sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed in the dark.
He listened, just as he had been doing since he got home. The rain had come on so fast…
The curtains were still closed, blocking out any light left outside. There wasn't likely to be much and even if he opened them the dark would stop anyone seeing inside, just… He was so used to them being open. It kind of reflected everything, didn't it? The weather had changed so fast, it reminded him of his own situation. From relative happiness to this sort of sadness and uncertainty within a day or so. And his bedroom… It was normally brightly lit, with the TV or music or something on because it made him feel less alone. The curtains had always, always been open. But now it was dark and quiet, both figurative and literal windows to the world closed off.
Somehow it hurt a lot more than it should've.
Tomohisa stared forlornly in the direction of the window. He didn't like being closed off like this, he never had - and there was another way, wasn't there? Standing, he allowed his feet to take him to the window, where he just stood and stared at the two thin sheets of material keeping him from everything. Rather than opening them, he moved them aside just enough to let him through to lean on the windowsill and stare out of the window. He felt them drift shut again behind him, paid it no attention as he watched the rain.
"Rain, rain go away, come again another day…" he sang quietly, whispering voice giving the children’s' song an almost haunting quality. Without thinking, he looked at the house across the street from his own… It didn't seem as though anyone was there. He sighed, looking down - only to see what looked a lot like someone sitting in the middle of the road.
For a moment he just stared. Who else could that possibly be but the one he'd wanted so desperately to avoid? Even though it hadn't been his fault, had been nobody's fault but whoever had decided that the two halves of their class could never be friends in the first place…
Before he knew what he was doing, he'd pushed open the window. The rain was coming in, already decorating the front of his shirt in dark speckles, but he barely noticed. It took him a moment to find his courage, but when he did his shout was loud and clear:
"Kazuya!"

Of course he got no reply, as the other one was more or less unable to hear anything but the falling rain right now. After been laying on the side for a short while he'd somehow managed to roll over to his back and thus was staring right up at the dark sky right now. Staring while he had no idea he was looking at something - he probably wasn't. He wasn't really aware of what he was doing or feeling at the moment. He knew it was cold, but it didn't bother him much. It was nothing compared to what he felt inside.
He knew the rain that hit his face hurt because it was so hard, but it was nothing compared to what Tomohisa must have felt this morning.
Why was it that people had to go through this? Because surely he couldn't be the only one to experience feelings and pain like this? Surely someone else must have gone through the same thing. So he asked the skies the question why. Had he been such a bad person in his previous life that he deserved this? Had he been that bad to someone that he deserved this?
He'd been selfish - was this the price you had to pay for being selfish? Was this the feeling Jin felt every night? Had he ever felt it? If he had, he wouldn't have kept up with being selfish would he? So it didn't make sense.
Though, not much did in the world, did it? It didn't make sense that he'd be alone, that he'd be the only one hurting this much. It didn't make sense, what people said, that it's better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all. It didn't make sense that he'd actually be loved.
'Kyou mo suki desu.'
A small smile was brought to Kazuya's lips by that memory and he felt a bit warmer inside. Though it was soon exchanged with Tomohisa's face during the fight, his mumbling 'just do it' and the look he hadn't given Kazuya before leaving the classroom. He hadn't even looked at him. Somehow Kazuya'd hoped for forgiveness. That he'd forgive him.
But that Tomohisa would do it, it didn't make sense.

It would've been a sad sight for anyone, someone laying there in the rain staring into the heavens like that - but for Tomohisa, who had to admit that he really and truly cared about Kazuya, it was almost heartbreaking.
He looked away, and then back. And then away again. Well, he couldn't just do nothing, could he? Rather carelessly leaving his window open, the older of the two teenagers set off at a run through his house. Not thinking to grab anything other than his umbrella before putting on his shoes, Tomohisa even left the front door open as he let his feet take him to the one he… Liked? Loved? He wasn't sure which was more appropriate, but now wasn't the time. It was so, so cold… He managed to get his umbrella up relatively quickly, thus keeping himself mostly dry - but he wasn't the important one here, as he could see clearly once he located Kazuya for the second time. All thoughts of what had happened, how much both his stomach and his heart had been in all that pain afterwards, had been forgotten for the moment as he approached the other. No words came from him as he stopped in such a place that the overhang from his umbrella also shielded Kazuya's face from the rain. He didn't feel as though he had anything to say right at that moment, and as such he just stood and looked down at the other, expression unreadable. Now he'd gotten there he wasn't sure what to do. Would he be his forgiving self and just let it slide? It hadn't been Kazuya's fault, Tomohisa knew something like that would've had to happen, it was just so… So, painful. For all involved, apparently. But he didn't know, so quiet he remained.

Kazuya didn't do anything before he realized that the sky didn't get blurry because of his tears or rain but because something was... covering it. Something was covering him. The laying one slowly blinked a few times before he dared to turn his head a little and so look up at the standing one next to him. It didn't occur to him that Tomohisa was worried or anything like that, but he just asked himself why. Why was he there? Why did he stand there, next to him, giving him shelter from the rain? But he didn't ask him - he couldn't bring himself to speak right now. Though he decided smiled up at him. Simply because he was there, he was there and he wasn't beating him up. He wasn't yelling at him nor did he seem to be all that mad... Of course this didn't mean that he'd been forgiven, because that just wouldn't happen, Kazuya knew he wouldn't ever be forgiven. He wouldn't ever forgive himself. But at least Tomohisa was there, unless he'd fallen asleep and this was a dream.
Ah... That was how it was. Of course, now that made sense. Why would Tomohisa, for real, go up to him after what he did? So he was dreaming... but that was okay. It was okay, dreaming was okay. As long as it was a good dream, and this, with Tomohisa, was indeed something he didn't want to end.

Tomohisa gave a weak sort of half-smile in return, kneeling on the ground as he did so. Apparently he didn't care that his trousers were getting wet from the water on the ground - this was a little more important than needing a change of clothing soon.
"Are you okay..?" he asked, just loud enough to be heard over the noise of the rain pounding on his umbrella. It seemed so unnaturally loud for a situation that seemed to ask for silence. "Are you hurt or something?" There was genuine concern in his voice - why else would someone just lay in the street like that, unless they were hurt? It didn't make sense. Surely it couldn't be because of what'd happened - he couldn't mean that much to anyone that they'd go doing things like this, right?

Kazuya just looked at him, asking himself new questions (those never seemed to end). Was it possible to have everlasting dreams? And what happened after you died? Sure, he knew that if a person died... he wouldn't be able to breath, talk or walk anymore. His heart would stop beating, but what happened to the soul? To the personality and the thoughts? Was it possible to have dreams even though you'd be dead? Because surely dreams were just connected to the thoughts and soul? It didn't have anything to do with brain cells and how the body was functioning. It was all about the thoughts, the soul and the personality.
If these were the dreams he'd have, with Tomohisa, maybe it wasn't such a bad option after all? Of course it had crossed his mind before, it always came back to him when he was alone, studying and doing things that would eventually end. But he hadn't really found a reason to do it during those times. But this could be a reason. Just to be able to dream of Tomohisa forever would be reason enough.
As Kazuya realized what he'd been asked, his smile grew a little. If he was hurt? Yes he was. "My heart hurts." he replied after some silence, not with the same tone level as Tomohisa, but it didn't matter. He knew he'd heard him anyway, things were always hearable in his dreams for some reason.

His heart… Tomohisa gave a sad smile. He knew that feeling. Or at least, he did now.
"You should get up and inside, you're gonna make yourself ill out here." He stated calmly, almost as though it were of no consequence to him - though of course it was. He was way too caring to leave anyone in this position, especially since… Especially since from the moment he'd left the classroom earlier today, he'd wanted to go back and drag Kazuya along with him, wanted to steal the other from one who barely seemed to deserve such a thing at all.
"Is there anyone else at your house?" Of course, he wasn't going to let the smaller one go home alone, not like this. It was also a very good excuse not to be alone anymore himself. Selfish boy… But at least he could cover it up decently.

Was he indirectly offering himself to help him, and take him inside? Kazuya asked himself as he shook his head for an answer. The last time he'd checked his parents hadn't been home and they probably wouldn't be now either. And even if they were, it was his dream so he could decide that the house was empty! Because he wanted to be alone with Tomohisa. Though, probably he was to wake up soon right? He would wake up any minute now... and he would find himself sleeping on the desk or something... it was always like that with good dreams. He'd fallen asleep while studying. And when he'd look out through the window the curtains on the other side would be closed.

Ah, somehow Tomohisa hadn't thought there'd be anyone else there. None of the lights were on, so unless those people enjoyed living in the dark... He stood, ignoring how the wetness of his trousers clung to his legs below the knee. "Come to my house then?" he asked, offering his hand to help the smaller one up as well. It sounded rather like he wanted to add a 'please' to the end; well, he kind of did... It would be good for both of them in the short term, right? But not good for anyone in the long run. People would just get hurt, things would get worse even than this...

"Tomochan!" Rina, Tomohisa's annoying, but cute, little sister whined as she went to sit down next to her brother again, while watching the stranger sleep. "Tell me who he is!" She tipped her head to the side and hummed for a while. "A friend of yours? You're in the same class?"
Her questions never seemed to end. She'd been asking things ever since Kazuya had allowed Tomohisa to put him to bed and that had been for about an hour ago.
"What's his name? At least tell what his name is? He's single?" Didn't matter how cute she was, she still was a rather... stupid boy loving girl for a sister.

"Shh!" hissed the older of the two Yamashita siblings, giving his sister a pleading look as he continued in a low voice. "I'll tell you, just don't wake him up." Tomohisa ran a hand through his hair. Curse Rina for existing! "I'm not telling you his name, you'll just go around telling all your friends he was here. But he's my..." What, exactly, were they? He knew they liked one another, had made out rather a lot... Did that make Kazuya his boyfriend? But wasn't Akanishi Kazuya's boyfriend? He decided to go with the safe answer. "...He's my friend. Yes, we're in the same class, and no, he's not single. So don't get any ideas." And here he had to be a typical older brother and add: "He wouldn't like you anyway, monster~"

As an answer to that Rina just stuck out her tongue and pushed her brother on the shoulder. "So who's his girlfriend? Someone I know? I'm sure she's some ugly geek because he's nice and stuff and sees the beauty in people, so I'll stay here until he wakes up and then I'll-"

"Rina-chan!" their mother called from downstairs, interrupting their important conversation. "Come and help with dinner."

The young girl sighed and pulled a face. "Fine, so I'll serve him dinner. That's almost as good!" she nodded, sticking out her tongue to her brother again before leaving the room and carefully closing the door.

As it was just Tomohisa and Kazuya in the room again, Kazuya decided it was safe for him to wake up 'for real' and thus slowly opened his eyes. As he saw Tomohisa, a small smile grew on his lips. "Still dreaming..."

Having turned to make sure Rina didn't slam the door (stupid kid), Tomohisa looked around again at hearing speech from the other. He immediately smiled upon seeing Kazuya's eyes open.
"Welcome back to the land of the living." he chirped, pausing for a moment. "...She didn't wake you up, did she? Or was it me? I knew I shouldn't have let her in here..." he muttered, glaring a bit towards the direction in which Rina had left. Stupid sisters. "...Sorry." His smile turned apologetic for a moment.
Now, he didn't have to think about any of what'd happened if he didn't want to. He could just pretend his bedroom was the extent of the entire world - and besides that, his curtains were open again.

Wake him up? He wasn't awake yet! Kazuya blinked a few times, telling himself it was just a dream and that it wouldn't matter once he woke up but he had to apologize.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered, simply because whispering seemed to be the right thing to do. "I didn't want to..."
Something wasn't right though. Shouldn't he be feeling happy in his dreams? As if he didn't have a single trouble in the whole world? Indeed he felt happy. He was damn happy just to be in the same room as Tomohisa. But the guilt was still there, the guilt and the loneliness he'd felt earlier. But it didn't make any sense. Seeing how he was dreaming, he shouldn't feel those things!

"I know." Tomohisa somehow managed to stay cheerful. "It's okay, really. Me running off like that must've made it seem a lot worse than it was." Well it'd seemed pretty damn bad at the time, but it was all a result of circumstances. Easily forgivable, though perhaps not as simple to forget. "I guess that was kind of thoughtless of me, I could've at least said something... Oh well. Can't really fix it now." he smiled again. "Are you feeling okay?" The rain was certainly very good at making people ill, and as much as Tomohisa had always enjoyed nursing them back to health he'd prefer that nobody got sick in the first place. Especially not Kazuya - he just didn't deserve any more bad luck. Neither of them did! Life just wasn't nice sometimes.

Kazuya looked at him, admiring him more and more for each passing second. He always remained so cheerful. Even though they fought a lot in school he'd always seemed so cheerful. No matter how bad he was hurt he smiled and even now, even though Kazuya had hit him... he smiled. He smiled and gave him a short nod for an answer. Was... he really still dreaming? All of this just seemed to be a bit too real to be classified as a dream.
"Please hold me...?" The smaller one asked after some short silence, and with that decided he was definitely dreaming. He'd never be able to say something like that for real.

Tomohisa immediately thought that that wasn't like Kazuya... But then, he didn't know the other one well at all, did he? He felt as though they'd known one another forever, but while they had both known of the other's existence for a long time they'd been on speaking terms for less than a week. How on earth was he supposed to know what was like Kazuya and what wasn't?
The taller one decided just to do as he was told, and rather like a loyal pet he jumped up to find a space in his bed. He ended up between the younger one and the wall, and wasted no time in snaking an arm around the waist of the boy next to him. The arm furthest away, meaning he ended up turned in such a way as to make resting his head on the other one's shoulder was an obvious thing to do. So he did.
"Okay..?"

"Un..." Kazuya glanced at him and thought to himself that this was a great moment to lie down again (he'd decided to sit up as he'd apologized). Carefully he and Tomohisa laid down in the bed and Kazuya turned in the older one's arm, just to put an arm around his waist as well. He'd sure be able to stay like this for forever if he had to. As long as he was in Tomohisa's arms it felt as if there was nothing that could ever go wrong and he loved this feeling - no wonder he'd want this dream to last for as long as possible.

Such a comfortable position, Tomohisa couldn't help but smile contentedly. Actually it looked rather like he was going to start purring or something.
"Daisuki..." he mumbled, holding on more tightly for a moment because really, he didn't want to ever let go. Even though he knew dinner would be ready soon and then Rina would come back and then... She had no reason to be shocked, she knew he didn't like girls. But he didn't think she'd just leave quietly. Fifteen-year-olds. Fifteen-year-old sisters. Sigh.

"Ah." Kazuya silently let out as he blushed slightly. That feeling was back. The feeling that this had to be some sort of misunderstanding, or a joke or just about anything - BUT real. Because he still had a hard time to figure out how he should act when he was being told that. Because he... didn't know. He had no idea. He got happy hearing it of course, but it felt so completely unreal. That someone like Tomohisa would like... would love someone... like Him. "Boku mo..." Wow, now THAT felt even more awkward. Saying 'boku'... always with Jin he used 'Watashi', but with Jin he was also being 'Pretty Kazuya'. Now, with Tomohisa... he was just... Kazuya. A whole new world (Aladdin. Aladdin would indeed be Tomohisa.)

See, Tomohisa wasn't completely inexperienced - he didn't have nearly as much under his belt as Shige or Ryo, but he didn't compare in sheer virginal innocence to Kei either. He'd had girlfriends before, and a grand total of one boyfriend (he'd even forgotten the guy's name). He'd been told these things by people before, should've been used to it.
But as he heard the words 'boku mo' come from Kazuya, he had the oddest feeling. Of course it felt nice, things like that tended to but... It'd never been a physical feeling before. Like his heart was pumping sugar instead of blood, and to stop smiling actually seemed an impossibility. It was just absolutely amazing.
"You know..." he muttered, "I thought about it today... If I transferred to class A or something, I wouldn't be in X-group anymore..." 3-A was neutral territory, had all the smart kids who weren't required to side with anyone.
"Would it be better that way?" Because then nobody would have any reason to hate him, would they? He was a good person, knew he had the capacity to be nice even to those he didn't like. Like Tanaka and Akanishi - he didn't like Nakamaru much either, but he was admittedly pretty funny. "If it'd help at all..."

"Would..." Kazuya started. "Wouldn't... you still be in X?" he asked, almost feeling a bit bad as he was questioning his boyfriend's suggestion. "Like... Uchi-kun is suspended but he's still in... and..." He closed his eyes, as he took a deep breath. It felt nice, smelling Tomohisa's cologne and somehow bring both himself and the older boy next to him to some land far, far away. (Just like Aladdin.) "Besides... I... I would prefer... if you... didn't." It was hard. It was damn HARD to say something like that. You know, like... be honest. So that's why he added:
"But that's what I think, you're... what you think is more... important..."

Tomohisa closed his eyes. That was probably true. You can take the boy out of X but you can't take X out of the boy. That made perfect sense while making absolutely none at the same time.
"I guess I sort of would... I mean, Uchikun is suspended but when he comes back he'll still be in E... Technically I wouldn't be anything anymore if I was in A, but I guess everyone would still see me as a member of X anyway..." So many letters! Anyone not knowing what they were talking about would've been thoroughly confused.
He sighed a bit. "I guess there's just no escaping it, is there?" It was sad, really. He'd never asked for that. Actually, he'd originally been in C - but everyone there had ended up hating him and he'd been so miserable for almost half a year that the school's 'higher powers' took pity upon him and gave him a transfer. Though E had been the only other class with any room in it at the time... Thus he'd been thrown from one nightmare into another. But obviously he hadn't known that at the time; he'd been too busy trying to be Ryo's friend. Now it seemed that being in X would haunt him for the rest of his life.
"How long do you think it would take Ryo and Akanishi to kill me if I declared myself to be Z-group?" the taller one laughed as though he hadn't seriously considered it. "I'd personally give them a day and be disappointed if I managed to walk home at the end of it." What a morbid subject. Talk about something else, please. But what else was he going to talk about? He was almost falling asleep himself - all that crying earlier had worn him out, he'd wanted to sleep before but... He'd wanted to be there when Kazuya woke, and to him that was more important.
From somewhere downstairs he could hear his sister chirp 'I'll go get them' overly loudly (she wanted him to hear it, that much was obvious), heard the footsteps as she ran up the stairs. He sighed quietly, but didn't move.

Probably Kazuya hadn't heard that though, as he'd probably have moved - or not. Moving would have been way too drastic for being him, but he'd at least have mentioned it or hesitantly mumbled something. Now, however, he remained silent and just enjoyed the company of being near Tomohisa - and thus you could figure he hadn't heard the noise from downstairs.
"We should run away ne..." he mumbled a bit dreamy as he moved (if possible) closer to Tomohisa. Ah, what a wonderful feeling that would be, don't you think? Imagine to run away with the one you love and never look back? To just be happy with the other one's closeness and know that no matter how bad things might look they had each other and that would work. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
If only life worked like it did in them movies. But everyone knew that you'd have to finish school to get just about anywhere. Finishing school meant graduating from 3-E and in other words they'd have to live with the both groups and the hate and the fact that they wouldn't ever be able to talk to each other in public. But then there was university right? Maybe they could try to get in to the same university... Only Tomohisa probably had plans and his whole future figured out, while Kazuya had no ideas at all. In the end he'd probably end up trying out for the same school at Jin - or well. That's what he'd thought up until now anyway. But then again, no matter how safe and secure he felt in Tomohisa's arms - the thought of being somewhere without Jin was... frightening.

"Tomochan!" shouted the youngest member of the Yamashita family, as she opened the door and entered the room. At first she didn't seem to take notice on how close the two boys were laying in the bed as she made her way to the middle of the room but well there, by the small table, she blinked. She knew everything about her brother, well more or less everything, apparently! He had said that the guy sleeping there had been a friend but it more or less looked like they were Boyfriends! Why hadn't he told her about that?!
This probably showed how Rina was different from "normal" sisters. A "normal" sister probably would have gotten all embarrassed by seeing this, what she saw, but instead Rina got annoyed by the fact that Tomohisa hadn't told her!

As Rina had entered the room Kazuya had almost to let go of Tomohisa and thus save them from... whatever they needed saving from. Embarrassment perhaps? Or questions. Questions weren't pleasant. But as Tomohisa on the other hand didn't seem too bothered by the fact that his sister were standing right in the middle of the room - staring at them, also Kazuya decided not to move... though it was a little bit embarrassing. But... he wouldn't say that. He'd just wait for one of the siblings to do something.

Slightly annoyed at being walked in on so suddenly (Rina hadn't even knocked! She knew she was supposed to do that), Tomohisa opened his eyes to glare at his sister.
"Yes?" he asked, still not moving. Well, he was comfortable where he was, liked being there and wasn't going to move just because the monster had arrived. She was just his sister, after all, and since there didn't seem to be any emergency he wasn't too bothered about her.
Would he go to the ends of the earth to save her? Of course he would, she was family. But that was so totally not the point.
After a few moments she still hadn't said anything, just stood there looking annoyed. Even though she had no reason to be - she'd told him to leave her boyfriends alone and he had. Who wanted to date a fifteen-year-old anyway? Not him. Not the majority of those over sixteen, in fact. "What?" he asked, slightly more impatiently this time.

"Di-dinner..." she mumbled but then noticed how she, in fact had MUMBLED and thus cleared her throat. "Mom says it's dinner, and YOU have explaining to do!"

Kazuya smiled a little at the obvious annoyance from both siblings. He'd do just about anything to have that. Well, first of all it'd be nice just to have a mom that would say dinner's ready, instead of finding a note in the kitchen saying that dinner's in the oven. Or getting an email which suggested what he'd have for dinner. Though he mostly ate at Jin's place, or went to that ramenshop which belonged to one of the X members, he thought. But their ramen was delicious and he hadn't seen any X boys there so - so far he was safe.

"Don't see what there is to explain." Tomohisa muttered, obviously quite a lot less nice to his sister than to his friends. But what more can one expect from an older brother? He did have this habit of randomly buying her things, so that made up for it. He thought so, anyway.
It looked as though he'd have to move... But he didn't want to! While there was time for it, he wanted to stay like this, because he knew that it couldn't last. Knew that no matter how much it hurt, they'd have to hate one another at school every. Single. Day. Not a pleasant thought.
"Can't you just get mama to bring it up here?" Hopefully she wouldn't mind...

Kazuya smiled and glanced at Tomohisa's face. He said 'mama', and not 'mom' or just 'her'. He said mama... wasn't that the cutest thing ever? Now if just the kid could-

As if she had read his thoughts Rina pulled a face and muttered something sounding like a 'sure, whatever' before she left the room. However she didn't close the door and thus Kazuya wouldn't be able to kiss Tomohisa. Well, he could of course. But he didn't want to do that when anyone could get up and just like that see it... He preferred to do that kind of stuff in private... Girly?
Despite being disappointed, Kazuya's smile grew a bit as he looked up at Tomohisa. "Mama tte?"

Tomohisa hadn't noticed that he'd reflexively used that word to refer to his mother. Usually he only did it around Rina, because of course the woman was her mother as well and thus she... Understood? Or something. Either way, he'd said it and not meant to and now he was embarrassed.
"I... I didn't say that..." he lied, the hesitation giving him up instantly. Ah, how awful, now he'd look like a child... Who wanted to be dating a child, to be close to someone so immature? Nobody, though he to himself, and once Kazuya realized how immature he himself really was...
"...Stupid Rina didn't even shut the door..." he observed lamely, attempting to change the subject.

Though it didn't succeed as Kazuya only nodded and then turned in the bed so he laid on his stomach and let his elbows support him as he looked down at Tomohisa with his head tipped to the side.
"Kawaii..." he whispered and mentally cursed at the fact that the door really wasn't closed. Maybe he could kiss him anyway? But what if someone would get there? Though they'd use the stairs of course and if he'd listen he'd definitely notice right?
"Is..." He locked eyes with the older boy and licked his lips. "Would it be... okay...?" he asked, knowing very well that maybe Tomohisa didn't get it at all - but there was hoping!

Tomohisa blinked, moving to lay on his back and look up at Kazuya. Okay? What? Was he supposed to understand that..? Suddenly he was a little panicked, thinking that he was just being stupid and that it was probably very easy to see what the other one meant, but... It just wouldn't come to him!
It was way too embarrassing to ask, that would make him look like an idiot as well as a child and that was very not good. So he just sort of lay there with a sort of confused, questioning look - thinking it was quite nice to look up at someone for a change, actually.

As he didn't reply, Kazuya couldn't help but smile at him. At least he hadn't said no? Well, he knew very well that Tomohisa probably didn't follow, but for now he ignored it and took the silence as an 'yes'. So he moved a bit closer, close enough to have to put one of his arms on Tomohisa's other side before leaning down and carefully meet his lips. Though, of course very nervous and very, very much listening to footsteps that might be heard soon. But as he hadn't heard any yet that meant he'd at least get this (if they'd get interrupted; short) kiss and it was better than nothing!

Oh. That.
Tomohisa couldn't help but smile as he answered the kiss, moving to encircle Kazuya in a lazy sort of hug meant purely as a means of achieving more physical contact. Because that was very important, indeed. Knowing his mother would send Rina back up rather than bringing things herself, he wasn't too bothered about the open door - and besides, his mother was good like that. She'd walked in on things like this before (okay, once) and had just closed the door and left. How nice it was to have parents so understanding.
Well, parent. Singular. For a long time Tomohisa had considered himself fatherless - you know, after the fucker left his mother alone with two children and all. As far as he was concerned, his father was dead... And that was actually possible, considering the amount of time since they'd last heard from him. But that wasn't important right now, was it? The important thing was doing this properly and making it last as long as possible... Until monsterface came back. Not for the first time, Tomohisa almost wished he'd been an only child.

Of course it didn't take too long before they heard some muttering and annoyed steps in the stairs outside. This also made Kazuya slowly pull back and exchange looks with Tomohisa for a short while before he laid down, with his head turned against the older boy.

"Here." Rina entered the room and sent glares her brother's way as she put the tray on the table. "You better take it down yourself and stop being so damn lazy." she said, being just as annoyed and pissed as always when things suddenly happened without her knowing anything before hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do it~" Tomohisa just grinned at her. "I told you he wouldn't like you, didn't I?" Oh he felt so smug. Really, that was pretty damn rare for him. For his next trick, he spoke instead to Kazuya. "Unless you'd like to run off with my wonderful little sister at this point..?" Come on, play along - so said Tomohisa's thoughts in Kazuya's direction - you know you want to~

The younger of the two boys in the bed grinned and then turned his head to give Rina a quick look. She was Tomohisa's sister? Wow, she didn't look it. But maybe that was just him, and besides she was a girl so of course she had features that Tomohisa wouldn't look-
Okay stop thinking there, Kazuya. So thinking stopped and then he gave her a smile (was that flirting Kamenashi Kazuya?) before he again turned to Tomohisa.
"Would you mind much?" he asked, trying very hard not to laugh. Of course he wouldn't ever run off with his sister! But it would be a bit fun to make her believe so!

That only made Tomohisa laugh more. Just the idea of that... It was way too funny. Hell, he liked annoying her, and it was for that reason that he exclaimed loudly:
"Oh come on, she doesn't even have boobs!" Since WHEN did he say things like that? But it was funny - and her expression was singularly priceless. Seriously, she'd probably start throwing things at him in a minute if he didn't shut up. The other Y-group members didn't have any younger sisters, did they? That was slightly dangerous... If they did then Rina would probably know them, she was a popular girl... Ehh, hopefully she wouldn't know that telling them would hurt him. Or else she'd probably do it, not realizing how much it would hurt him. Sisters can always be relied upon to do that.

Okay this was rude, very, very rude, but Kazuya couldn't help but laugh at that as well. It was just too hilarious and as he turned to watch how Rina'd taken it, her expression alone would have anyone crack up.
"Shut up fatass!" she yelled at him, giving the two boys glaring looks before she left the room and this time slammed the door. (Well at least now it's closed?)

That caused both Kazuya and Tomohisa to fall silent for a while but it didn't take long before they were laughing again. Wow how good it felt to laugh. Even though it was because of picking on Tomohisa's sister... he didn't feel bad about it, which was quite amazing. Probably because it wasn't all that serious? Sure she obviously got mad but it wasn't serious... Amazing feeling. To realize how everything just wasn't... serious all the time.

Indeed, it was very favorable to be an older brother at that point. Tomohisa knew he'd have to apologize later, probably have to promise something stupid... Like trying to get Shigeaki to go out with her or something. Again. It hadn't worked the last time! Seriously, he didn't understand how she couldn't see that it was never. Going. To happen. Shige only dated pretty girls.
"Hey you!" Tomohisa exclaimed suddenly, having realized something. "What're you laughing at? You think I'm fat too?" He was joking and that was obvious. He probably didn't need to continue it like this but... Being carefree and happy like this was so enjoyable! He couldn't help wanting it to last longer.

Kazuya fell silent at that and looked at Tomohisa with apologetic eyes.
"It doesn't matter to me whether you're fat or not, you're... still Tomohisa, right?" he said, being way too forced as he moved so that he lay on the side and poked the older boy's stomach. No, Tomohisa wasn't fat, but he wasn't skinny either (which Kazuya by the way probably was seen as) so in Kazuya's eyes he was just about perfect. Completely perfect but it was always fun mocking him... Not that he'd done it before but he felt comfortable enough to do it, ha! So there.

"Yeees..." Tomohisa frowned a little, suddenly losing the joke. He wasn't really fat, was he? Rina made a habit of reminding him that he was wider than her, but he was also three years older than her so he'd never taken any notice before.
"You know, that just sounds like you think I'm fat but don't want to say it..." The poking of his stomach just worried him more. He worked out, really he did! Wasn't it working? Did he need to start running home from school again? He knew the muscle made him heavy so weighing himself wasn't going to work... Ah, why so suddenly worked up about this?!
The truth was that he'd been analyzing himself the entire time and come up with the results that he was a mean childish idiot. And now he was going to be a fat mean childish idiot? Yes, he was very much in the habit of collecting insults.

Kazuya laughed again and shook his head. "You're not fat!" he answered and instead of poking ended up caressing Tomohisa's stomach for a short while before laying down with his head against the other one's chest.
"You're not even close to being fat... don't worry~" he said, still smiling. Not that he had much to smile about, but having a rather pointless conversation like this with Tomohisa made him feel happy. Happy that he wasn't alone, that he had actually kissed Tomohisa a second time a few days ago, happy that Jin had football practice and didn't have time for him. Happy... Just happy in general.

Tomohisa had to bite his lip for a moment (shh, he's ticklish), but when his mind was once again able to focus on something other than not dissolving into hysterical laughter he was indeed rather relieved. "Oh... Okay then." he said lamely, staring up at the ceiling for a moment. He realized that his dinner was about two meters away, he'd have to move to get it and indeed probably should. "I'm not hungry." he muttered, almost as though anyone cared at all. It was actually quite weird that he of all people wouldn't be hungry... But right now he honestly wasn't.

Almost as if those were some magical words, Kazuya sat up.
"I can feed you!" he suggested and without waiting for an answer he got out of the bed and walked over to the table.
"Woah this looks good..." he mumbled to himself and took off some of the bowls of the tray before taking it to the bed and there placing it next to Tomohisa.
"Come on, sit up!" he ordered, not sounding bossy or anything just... yeah, just. Yes, he had heard what Tomohisa had said, that he wasn't hungry - but he was eating. There was no way he'd be able to get away with 'not hungry'.

"I say I'm not hungry so you decide you'll feed me?" Tomohisa almost complained as he sat up, quickly fixing his hair. "But I don't want any..." Now that definitely sounded like a complaint, a whine even. And yet he sat there, legs crossed and looking expectantly at Kazuya anyway - hell, even if he wasn't hungry, it was a lot nicer than having to force the food down himself. He wasn't so obsessed with his weight that he didn't eat, in fact most of the time it didn't bother him at all, just... Some days he didn't get the normal signals from his body telling him to eat. And when he did eat, it asked him why, told him it didn't need food right now. Maybe he was ill? Well, it'd never caused a problem before, so long as he managed to eat something.

"Yes you do, you're just really bad with realizing it!" Kazuya smiled childishly up at him and took the chopsticks from the tray. "What do you want first? Rice, chicken... weird green looking stuff or something else from the table?" Okay so he did know how to cook, but he wasn't too good with names of things you cook with! ... or eat.

Tomohisa laughed a little and shook his head.
"If it makes you happy then fine, I'm starving, I just don't know it yet." He tucked his hair behind his ears, not quite getting that annoying little bit in front of his right eye, but it wasn't as though that would get in the way too much. "And seeing as I'm so starving, I don't mind what I get first." He didn't even mind the mention of 'weird green looking stuff' - that had probably been Rina's part. She'd never been a good cook, he'd gotten all the talent in that area, but it tended to be at least semi-edible anyway.

"Theeen..." Kazuya, not noticing he probably acted like some hyped up 14 year old, being with her only crush and being high on sugar, decided to give Tomohisa some of the chicken first. Because he liked chicken and so did Tomohisa! ... Well, for now anyway. "Say aa~" As he met Tomohisa's eyes he couldn't help but smile and he felt how his heart immediately started to beat faster. Yes, just like that. Just by meeting the eyes of Yamashita Tomohisa he got excited and happy and wanted to just glomp him! ... Well, hug him. Of course that warning kind of voice in his head was still there, but it was barely hearable as the happiness was way too noticeable.

Tomohisa obediently opened his mouth, feeling rather like an attractive senpai with a younger girlfriend all too willing to do whatever he wanted... Obviously that wasn't the case, seeing as they were the same age and of course Kazuya wasn't a girl, but it felt rather like that.
"Aaa- Mm..." he hummed in appreciation, closing his mouth around the (admittedly really quite nice) food item as he felt it touch his tongue. He chewed and swallowed quickly, somehow unable to keep from smiling. "Oishii!" he chirped. "You have some, it's really nice."

Kazuya had let his chin rest in the palm of his hand as Tomohisa had taken that first bite and a pleased smile now rested on his lips. Even though he actually was rather hungry he didn't feel like eating at all. All on his mind right now was Tomohisa, Tomohisa, Tomohisa and again: Tomohisa. Z-group... he liked the sound of that.
"Mm..." he hummed, not having listened much at all and thus had no idea what he was replying to. One could just have asked him to do just about anything (leaving, stripping, cleaning, having sex- ... well maybe he'd have listened to that one) and he'd have agreed to it, just like that.

Noting the passiveness of the reply he was given, Tomohisa laughed a little and waved his hand a little in front of Kazuya's face. "Moshi, moshi~? Not dreaming about my sister again, are you?" he joked. "Huh, looks like I'm gonna have to be careful she doesn't steal you from me!" And nobody, NOBODY was going to steal Kazuya from him. Not even Akanishi, whom he was already having to settle for sharing the younger one with. Nobody at all - because Tomohisa could be a possessive, clingy fucker when he wanted to be.

"Heh?" Kazuya blinked, waking up from his daydreaming and shook his head slightly as Tomohisa's words reached him. "No, no, no~" he replied and looked down at the food, quickly realizing Tomohisa probably wanted more. "You want some rice?" Or chicken or the greeny thing? He added in his mind, wanting to add one more thing (or me? ... shh!) but he would never allow himself to think anything so... kinky, so... Yes, that was it.

Tomohisa couldn't help but laugh at that. "No, I'm fine. You should have some." Well, Kazuya was probably hungrier than he was. And it really was very nice.
"Mama isn't as good a cook as I am, and monsterface definitely isn't - but it's still good."
Ah, he'd used 'mama' again... But he hadn't actually noticed. Usually his friends didn't come to his house, so since he was in his bedroom he just... Said it automatically.

"What do you mean you're fine? You just had one bite!" Kazuya shook his head and took rice bowl closer juuust to take some with the chopsticks and lifted his hand so they came in the same level as Tomohisa's mouth again. He enjoyed this. Even if it was just something as silly as feeding him with food he knew he would and could eat himself... he enjoyed it. It was sort of... cute. Watching Tomohisa sit like that, with his hands in his lap and just... do nothing. Wow, was he going insane thinking this? That doing nothing was cute?

"I told you I wasn't hungry!" The taller one rolled his eyes a bit, though he was still smiling and opened his mouth for the second time. Really, if he was going to insist that he wasn't hungry then he could at least act that way - but obviously he was aware of the body's need of the glucose in food to react with oxygen, thereby creating energy along with water and carbon dioxide as waste products. And how on earth did he know all that? He was sure he didn't pay THAT much attention in biology classes.
Well anyway, for the second time he chewed and swallowed what was given to him - this time licking his lips to make sure he hadn't missed any. "Mm~" Because right now he was just... Ridiculously happy. This was just way too good to be true, really.

And again, for a second time, Kazuya got lost somewhere between reality and the land of dreams as he watched Tomohisa eat. Yes, he loved seeing Yamashita Tomohisa eating... did that mean love? Well wasn't it that what people said anyway, on TV? Like, when you love someone you like seeing that person do anything and that person is beautiful in your eyes no matter how... 'dirty' he or she might be?
Like just this morning, when he had woken up next to Tomohisa... sure, at first he had been shocked but then after remembering... Seeing Tomohisa sleep sure must have been the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Tomohisa eating definitely was on that list, though maybe not for being beautiful but for being so damn natural? Like, for real. Even though he was a guy (this mattered!), and he didn't get to eat for himself and he wasn't even hungry... even so he managed to do it gracefully. And look just adorable while doing it too.

Silence fell over the room as Tomohisa just sat and stared, smiling contentedly, at the amazing creature before him. He just couldn't get over how lucky he was, really. How much of a wonderful coincidence it'd been that they both just so happened to like (love? Maybe?) one another despite everything. It was... More than he ever could've asked for. More than he deserved. Maybe his friends were the price he'd have to pay.
Would he go that far? To just ditch all his friends, the rest of X-group like that? Especially Ryo, who'd (however reluctantly) taken the new kid under his wing. Despite them being basically the same age and it only being halfway through the first year... He'd still been the new kid and Ryo had still helped him immensely. He got to thinking, then. When he'd joined E, back when they'd been 1-E, he'd seen everyone objectively. Somehow the divide had already appeared by that time, the two halves of the class already bickering in various petty ways. Of course it hadn't been nearly as bad then as it'd become now... But on his first day, he'd been perfectly free to go sit on the other side. Why hadn't he? Because, if he remembered correctly, he'd been frightened.
He'd been frightened then and he was still frightened now.
Tomohisa blinked once, twice and then again, as though that would help clear his mind of such thoughts. His hands fidgeted in his lap. As stupid as it was and as childish as he felt thinking it... He wanted a hug. But there was no smart way of asking for that, was there? He ran a hand through his hair almost agitatedly, looking away - and still not breaking the silence.

As Kazuya finally accepted the fact that Tomohisa really wasn't hungry he carefully put away the tray on the floor before going up in the bed to sit on his knees in front of the older one. With his head slightly tipped to the side and the hair behind his ears he quietly broke the (not so very tense) silence. "Ne..." he (as previously stated) whispered and caught the other's attention with that. As he got to see Tomohisa's face again he smiled softly. He'd always liked that smile, no matter how much they'd always been forced to hate each other he had always liked that smile. Even from that day when he stood in front of everyone, introducing himself and bowed. Even back then Kazuya'd liked his smile, and he had had so many opportunities to tell him too - but he hadn't. Not even once. During the first year in high school X and Y was actually talking to each other. Sure they weren't on very good terms but they could still have a nice conversation from time to time. Back then he could have told him, 'you have a beautiful smile'. If only he had had the confidence to do it.
Then the year had passed and then suddenly they were in second year and after new years Uchi got suspended and... it had all just happened really fast and then there was war going on. Kazuya'd grown more confident with Jin, at least on the outside and as they always won the fights (well almost always) it wasn't as if his confidence and pride had went down. That was the Kamenashi Kazuya who belonged to Akanishi Jin anyway.
Then there was the Kamenashi Kazuya who had played with the neighbor when he was just about 2-3 years old. He knew this because he'd seen tapes of it. Himself he didn't remember anything, not even the other boy's name but it wouldn't surprise him at all if it had been Tomohisa. So in other words they could very well had been the first ones to be friends... before his mother because too busy with work and stopped talking to the neighbors.

"How did it turn out like this...?" Kazuya asked as he figured his train of thoughts was just too long to pay attention to and instead met the eyes of his boyf- his 'real' boyfriend.
That was the question he had asked himself, how did it turn out like this? Only he knew Tomohisa wouldn't have an answer to it.

Tomohisa's smile held a bitter edge of sadness. They'd been fine a minute ago, hadn't they? And now this had come up and made everything weird again and... He just hated it so much. The idea of just disappearing one day and never coming back seemed so appealing when he thought about this.
But of course that wasn't an option. Stupid life, why couldn't it ever be easy? He just wanted to be happy - was that so much to ask?
"I don't know." he answered predictably. Well, he didn't have the first idea as to how any of it had gotten started. All he knew was that he'd woken up one day and realized that he didn't really hate any of those other people as much as he'd been told to.
The only reason he'd continued was Ryo, but now... He barely seemed worth it anymore.

Kazuya gave a short nod and before gently putting a hand on Tomohisa's cheek.
"Smile..." he said in a low voice, knowing that the smile that was put on Tomohisa's lips right now wasn't really all that happy even though... he was in fact smiling. If only he smiled for real it'd be easier, Kazuya'd feel so much more at ease and things wouldn't be quite as hard as they might seem to be. Why? Because Tomohisa had that kind of smile, that kind of smile that... brought you hope and made all of your problems disappear just like that.

Smile? Could he be happy again just like that?
Of course he could, Tomohisa realized. He just had to focus his thinking on other things - like the physical contact, the close proximity to the one he loved (Loved! And he'd even though that without going through 'like' first!)... It was easy if he just didn't let everything bother him. He was in his bedroom, for Chris sakes! If he wasn't free to do what he wanted here then there was something wrong with the world.
So he smiled, and this time it was real.
"Better?"

And just by doing that he made Kazuya smile as he nodded. "Much better..."
Just as he'd thought he got that warm feeling again, just by seeing the guy in front of him smile... was it to rely on someone too much or was it just to love someone so very much?
"I love your smile..." He whispered as he moved a bit closer and gently put his arms around the other boy and then rested his own head against his.

"I guess it's lucky that you're the reason for it then." And that just sounded ridiculously soppy, but Tomohisa didn't know what else to say as he moved to put his own arms around the smaller one. It was at times like this that he had hope. He could see more than just the clouds on the horizon, knew that there'd be sunlight between them and maybe...
Maybe they'd get their happy ending.