Tonight's too cold to warm my soul.
Someone asked what I'd like to do now. Anything I said would have been too weird to comprehend, as usual, but here's what was on my mind the entire time:
I'd like to take a really long walk from point A to B and maybe from point B to A all over again just so I can lapse up the quietness of the night that's overflowing with stories people hide. Perhaps lie on a picnic mat (because I don't like to lie on the grass) and just watch the blue-blank sky, void of stars. I love looking up to see a star-filled night sky, but this is Singapore so I guess we just have to be a little more realistic and a little less typical-dreamy. I'd like to dip my fingers into a pile of sand, then watch as it dribbles through the spaces between my fingers like how I often watch time and occasionally people slip away from me so easily without a sound. I love playing with little things in infinite amounts- sand, green beans, rice. I.. I told you anything I said would be too weird to comprehend. It's just that feeling of being able to hold so much in your hands for one moment, and nothing the next that keeps me slightly amused. I'd like to have you sing me a song, so I can slowly fall asleep to perhaps a familiar tune. Sleep hasn't been my best companion for the past 2 nights leaving me tossing around in bed till at least 3 in the morning. I can't fall asleep because there're things on my mind but... I can't get them off my mind.
I'd like for someone to take me someplace that might perhaps remind of what it feels like to be a child all over again. Blow tons of bubbles and make silly paper windmills, fly more than 2 kites at once and climb to the top of a "spiderweb". I miss the thrill of feeling like I might fly off the swing because I'm so high up and I miss the ease of being able to cry when I'm unhappy.How do you cry when you're unhappy? When was the last time you didn't have to give a damn about what the world thinks and just sob like a baby because you want to? When was the last time you didn't have to hold emotions back inside time and time again, and act like some bionic superman who's always all right?
People always try too hard. Sometimes, I do too.
Buy me ice- cream?