(no subject)
who gets to call the shots when no one has lived this before? whos to say whats right and whats wrong when there is no precedent, no rule book, no guidelines. there is really no way to reach me. because im not there. im not just anywhere, only here. i can only be here, with me, by me, in me. i can only trust in whats here. whats by me, whats in me. whos to say if its right or wrong? its not right, its not wrong. its jsut here. im just here. i can only be so much, do so much. i dont own the world, i dont know the world, i dont understand the world. hell, i dont even understand myself. but i do know myself. ive lived me my whole life. ive learned to love me only a few years ago, but it was so intimatly and passionatly that it filled all of the previous years. so i am the only thing i really know. i dont call the shots, i just follow them. somewhere between unsure and a hundred....im banking on the rest to clear away. its not sure,. its just the bees again. the buzzing chaos that has made a hive in my head. i can only listen to what i think is being said behind the unceasing back[fore]ground noise/thoughts/duties/buzz. there is really no way to reach me. im having a hard enough job myself to get past the bees. but im here, once again it falls back to that. im here and no matter what comes from the chaos i will always be here, with me, by me, in me. when the noise dies down, sorts out, you can be here too.