(no subject)

[ohhiimemily]

Also, I've realized how glad I am that I went away to college and didn't stay in Santa Monica and go to SMC. And for more than just academic reasons. I'm glad I don't hang out with only the people I hung out with in high school. I haven't seen any of my "high school" friends this winter break. Sure, it's a little sad. But I went away, a few of them went away. We don't have much to talk about anymore. I'm not interested in sitting and reminiscing about who did what in Sophomore year, or who we dated. I'm glad that I found new people in LA, that I have things in common with. I'm glad I'm not 19 and stuck in high school. While I think staying at home can certainly be good for someone, but I think I would've died.

I have this defense mechanism, where when I go away, I tend to just sever ties. There's no use in straining and stressing over something that isn't going to change. It is inevitable that you will grow apart from friends. Especially when you're across the country from them.

My life is nowhere near perfect. I struggle with where I chose to go to school, I struggle with friends. With the fact that I feel like I have no home anymore. But I also feel like, and hope it's the truth, that I have made the best choices I can in the last year. The six months before that, awful. I dont know what I was thinking.

So maybe I've changed some. That can be a really good thing.