A long but needed update..
Since my last update, I had my baby.. a wonderful little boy 6lb 7oz 18 1/2in long.. His name is Gabriel Steven DeForest.. For those who don't know, which I think everyone knows by now.. Charlie found out that I had gabe when he was 3 weeks old. Boy was he pissed, but oh well I guess that is what he gets for scaring the shyt outta me.. After 3yrs I am soo sick of his shyt.. I am soo glad that we are done and over with... On the other hand.. I feel so quilty for what I've done.. I never thought that I would be in the position for not knowing who my sons father is.. But at least I admitte my wrong.. Its not that I slept with a bunch of people around the time I got pregnant.. because its not like that at all.. the doctors dont know really when I concived.. I was with bryan in nov-dec untill about christmas time.. and I got really really drunk and hooked up with Justin around new years.. and then I got back with charlie ONE freaking time in Feb on the 3rd.. That is the WORST I have ever been and I totaly regreat doing it.. Everyone around me other then my brother and his WONDERFUL girlfriend becky think that there is only 2 possibilities.. Bryan and Charlie.. On the other hand.. I really dont think that it is either of theirs.. knowing my luck Justin will be the dad and it will really show how bad I fucked up.. I so cannot wait for FOC to do their paternity test so that I know for myself and my son.. I dont want their help..
On the other hand.. its been almost a year since I have dated anyone.. Im getting lonely.. fast!! I wish guys would look past the fact that I have 2 kids and accept me for me, and not judge me for my past.. especially those who dont know my past and only judge it on the fact that I have two kids.. Err.. I will be single for life I guess.. I finally got ahold of justin to tell him that there is a chance hes the dad.. I gotta accept the fact of it, and he has a right to know.. though he dont know there are two other possibilites, I just told him that I would figure things out and let him know.. Hes due to get outta honor camp on Dec. 7th, and he has my number if he wants to get ahold of me.. In so many ways.. for some reason I miss him soo much.. I wish we could hook up.. when we chilled back in january he was soo good with Jacob, and he likes me for me, and it dont matter the way I look.. I dont know if the fact that Gabriel could be his kid makes the feeling stronger or what.. but I just miss him soo much.. I hope we can hang out when he gets out.. he moved in with his long lost dad.. but really his dads house isnt really any further then his moms is.. the only thing about tha fact of hanging out with him that sucks, is in a letter that he wrote to me, he said he was talking about hooking up with his ex from when he was 15.. he states that she is the onyl one he can really picture himself with for the rest of his life.. :(.. Boy did that really suck to hear, though I am used to it.. Im used to getting hurt and being alone do I really dont care anymore.. I got my boys and they are all I need.. Im happy with just them.. On the other hand.. this christmas season sucks ass!! Not working in 2 1/2 months and just having a baby really dampers the money situation.. The money I do have goes towards diapers and wipes, and food for the table.. My kids arent gonna get shyt for christmas from me.. thank god for family I guess.. though it really sucks to depend on them to get them stuff.. Err I just want to dissapear sometimes.. And not having any friends to hang out with really sucks ass.. My family is only tolerable for so long.. My mom thinks she is Ms. Mom.. but everyone that knows her knows whatta hoaxs that is. My dad is just like another kid.. but oh well.. I thank god for him, and for what he has done otherwise I dont know what I would do right now.. I dont know where I would be living, and I most likely wouldnt be writing this right now on here.. Though im sure most of ya'll dont really wanna hear anymore.. So On that tipp.. Its like almost 3am.. So I am off of here to try and get some sleep.. Sorry about raving for anyone who read off of this..
On the other hand.. its been almost a year since I have dated anyone.. Im getting lonely.. fast!! I wish guys would look past the fact that I have 2 kids and accept me for me, and not judge me for my past.. especially those who dont know my past and only judge it on the fact that I have two kids.. Err.. I will be single for life I guess.. I finally got ahold of justin to tell him that there is a chance hes the dad.. I gotta accept the fact of it, and he has a right to know.. though he dont know there are two other possibilites, I just told him that I would figure things out and let him know.. Hes due to get outta honor camp on Dec. 7th, and he has my number if he wants to get ahold of me.. In so many ways.. for some reason I miss him soo much.. I wish we could hook up.. when we chilled back in january he was soo good with Jacob, and he likes me for me, and it dont matter the way I look.. I dont know if the fact that Gabriel could be his kid makes the feeling stronger or what.. but I just miss him soo much.. I hope we can hang out when he gets out.. he moved in with his long lost dad.. but really his dads house isnt really any further then his moms is.. the only thing about tha fact of hanging out with him that sucks, is in a letter that he wrote to me, he said he was talking about hooking up with his ex from when he was 15.. he states that she is the onyl one he can really picture himself with for the rest of his life.. :(.. Boy did that really suck to hear, though I am used to it.. Im used to getting hurt and being alone do I really dont care anymore.. I got my boys and they are all I need.. Im happy with just them.. On the other hand.. this christmas season sucks ass!! Not working in 2 1/2 months and just having a baby really dampers the money situation.. The money I do have goes towards diapers and wipes, and food for the table.. My kids arent gonna get shyt for christmas from me.. thank god for family I guess.. though it really sucks to depend on them to get them stuff.. Err I just want to dissapear sometimes.. And not having any friends to hang out with really sucks ass.. My family is only tolerable for so long.. My mom thinks she is Ms. Mom.. but everyone that knows her knows whatta hoaxs that is. My dad is just like another kid.. but oh well.. I thank god for him, and for what he has done otherwise I dont know what I would do right now.. I dont know where I would be living, and I most likely wouldnt be writing this right now on here.. Though im sure most of ya'll dont really wanna hear anymore.. So On that tipp.. Its like almost 3am.. So I am off of here to try and get some sleep.. Sorry about raving for anyone who read off of this..