(no subject)
So, I guess I'll just say it: I'm glad I wrecked my car. Of course, I am devastated that I wrecked my Saab. My darling. My pearl. But I'm glad I wrecked my car. It was a horrible, surreal and frightening experience just to name a few of the emotions I experienced, and I'm still coping with it. I wake up in the middle of the night gasping for breath because I was dreaming about it. I see the curve in the road and feel the loss of control. Then I'm upside down and I know I have to get out. I unbuckle the seatbelt, I find the door handle and I escape. I'm not dead. I didn't die. After the chaos of the night (including one super-dick cop who I'll never forgive) I made my way home to find Matt asleep in my bed. I couldn't stop screaming and he held me and cried and said he was so glad I was okay. I made my way home to continue to be loved by him and love him in return. That's how I see it.
If I didn't wreck my car that night I would have done it some other time. Maybe years from now with my kids in the car, maybe some night with friends in the car, maybe this summer with kids I'm nannying in the car. I shouldn't have needed to total my car to learn not to drive that fast, but I did. I've always been a reckless and horrible driver. I needed to learn the hard way, just like I need to learn EVERYthing the hard way. I don't know if I ever want to get behind the wheel of a car again, but if I ever do, I know I'll be a better drive for this experience. It's embarrassing to admit that I needed this to happen this way, but I did.
Not to mention my life has IMPROVED since the accident. Everything is so much simpler. Final projects are easy to complete compared to almost dieing. And the little things I used to pick fights with Matt over are not important anymore. Matt has been living in my room since this Friday night. I guess we're kind of testing the waters for next year and everything looks like smooth sailing. There is not better roommate for me in the world.
In conclusion, I am a healthier and happier person. I wish it hadn't happened. I wish I still had the most beautiful car on the planet. But I don't. And I grew up 10 years in process.
If I didn't wreck my car that night I would have done it some other time. Maybe years from now with my kids in the car, maybe some night with friends in the car, maybe this summer with kids I'm nannying in the car. I shouldn't have needed to total my car to learn not to drive that fast, but I did. I've always been a reckless and horrible driver. I needed to learn the hard way, just like I need to learn EVERYthing the hard way. I don't know if I ever want to get behind the wheel of a car again, but if I ever do, I know I'll be a better drive for this experience. It's embarrassing to admit that I needed this to happen this way, but I did.
Not to mention my life has IMPROVED since the accident. Everything is so much simpler. Final projects are easy to complete compared to almost dieing. And the little things I used to pick fights with Matt over are not important anymore. Matt has been living in my room since this Friday night. I guess we're kind of testing the waters for next year and everything looks like smooth sailing. There is not better roommate for me in the world.
In conclusion, I am a healthier and happier person. I wish it hadn't happened. I wish I still had the most beautiful car on the planet. But I don't. And I grew up 10 years in process.