(no subject)
Even when someone hurts my feelings I make it seem like it's okay. Because I dont know what else to do.I hate a lot about me and I hate my weight and I hate my face. I hate this house and I hate these people. I hate the way that I cant stand up for myself to my mom or my sister. And I hate that I take shit that I shouldnt. I hate how much I miss my Katie. And richard. And I miss LeAnne. And I miss the way things were. And I hate how I hate a lot of people. I dont mind that I talk shit because that's what I do and Im not going to stop. I back it all up so before you think about throwing that shit in my face again rethink it. I'm getting fat again and I know it. I dont need people to tell me that Im perfect becauseIm not. I have so many flaws and so many things I'd change if I could. I hate that all of this is consuming me and it shouldnt. I hate how Im clingy. & I'm so scared that I'll lose the people who mean most to me.. and it kills me to know that I could at any second.
People I hate.. I hate them for good reasons. I dont just randomly hate people. I dont just randomly think that you're fucked up so Im not going to talk to you. Everyone needs to get the fuck over themselves. ESPECIALLY ALL YOU FUCKING "SCENE" KIDS. Its being played out so much and you arent cool and I wish you'd fucking realize that. Its so messed up. And I really dont like the ones who are so sure that they arent. You have black fucking hair and your lip is pierced you go to every show and you know every band, urban is your most "fave" store and you wear bows in your hair. You wear girl pants that are tighter than mine and Im surprised you can still breath.. Dont even try and tell me that you're the one whose in it for the "right" reason. YOU'RE IN IT FOR EVERY REASON EVERYONE ELSE IS. You havent been "hxc since 2" you learned all this shit from someone. & the whole XXX straight edge thing is so fucked it isnt even funny. Go rethink everything. And then tell me what happens.
I dont like how I lost my sister. I dont like how she's dead and I dont like how Im losing faith in God.. something that was so important to me for so long. I want so badly to beleive like I used to but I can't. I can't believe in something that took something so important to me. I wont let myself. I cant let something overpower me like that. I wish with everything in me that I could.
But I cant.
I just cant.
People I hate.. I hate them for good reasons. I dont just randomly hate people. I dont just randomly think that you're fucked up so Im not going to talk to you. Everyone needs to get the fuck over themselves. ESPECIALLY ALL YOU FUCKING "SCENE" KIDS. Its being played out so much and you arent cool and I wish you'd fucking realize that. Its so messed up. And I really dont like the ones who are so sure that they arent. You have black fucking hair and your lip is pierced you go to every show and you know every band, urban is your most "fave" store and you wear bows in your hair. You wear girl pants that are tighter than mine and Im surprised you can still breath.. Dont even try and tell me that you're the one whose in it for the "right" reason. YOU'RE IN IT FOR EVERY REASON EVERYONE ELSE IS. You havent been "hxc since 2" you learned all this shit from someone. & the whole XXX straight edge thing is so fucked it isnt even funny. Go rethink everything. And then tell me what happens.
I dont like how I lost my sister. I dont like how she's dead and I dont like how Im losing faith in God.. something that was so important to me for so long. I want so badly to beleive like I used to but I can't. I can't believe in something that took something so important to me. I wont let myself. I cant let something overpower me like that. I wish with everything in me that I could.
But I cant.
I just cant.