fic: samson ( sam / dean ) r
Title: samson
Characters: sam / dean
Rating: r
Warnings: future!fic
Spoilers: none
Word Count: 555
Disclaimer: i do not own sam or dean, nor do i own the lyrics at the top of the story.
Notes: i plan on writing a partner fic to this sooner or later that is set in real time rather than how this one is set.
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down. Yeah, we couldn't destroy a single one. And the history books forgot about us, and the Bible didn't mention us not even once.
You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first...
--- Samson by Regina Spektor
-----
It isn't the Hell that his brother insists will befall everyone on Earth, but he doubts that it will be worse than what he goes through watching the slow transformation of this brother. He doesn't think anything could rival watching him lose himself to the darkness that resides in his mind. The slow change from brother to frightened childlike copy; too scared to be his Sam, but too familiar not to be. It makes his heart ache because he knows he can't protect him from his destiny to have these visions of death and destruction and chaos. He wants to, but he can't.
Dean watches as his brother loses more of himself everyday, as he's robbed of the innocence that once lit his eyes and smile. The visions consume him, and take whatever they can, leaving him a shell of who he once was. For once in his life, Dean will admit that he's scared. He's scared for his brother and for the world he sees every time he closes his eyes. He's scared for himself and the inevitable loss of his brother, his Sam.
Sam talks to himself more often than he used to, muttering things that Dean doesn't quite catch. He's too tired to pay more attention because it takes all his effort to get through the day it seems. He doesn't like watching his brother fade away. He'd give anything in the world to stop this fall from grace; he'd take the visions if it meant Sam would be okay. He'd give up his own sanity if it meant he'd have his brother back.
There are times when his brother comes back to him, though, instances when he can pretend it's still his Sam and not this imposter. When he closes his eyes and listens to the soft, breathy gasps against his ear and the little noises in the back of his throat as he presses his forehead to Dean's shoulder when they're making love. He can feel the tears on his skin, but he pretends and goes back to the past while his brother fucks him slowly, gently, like he's apologizing for all the pain he knows he's causing... Because losing Sam is worse than any cut or burn could ever be.
They kiss slowly, tentatively, and it brings tears to his eyes. It's almost too gentle to pretend, but Dean takes it. He needs the little hold on the past to deal with the present. He can pretend when his brother lies sleeping next to him, no matter how fitful, that it's back when a motel room meant a break and a chance instead of a prison from the outside that Sam is now reluctant to venture into anymore. He can pretend that they're resting up for another day on the job, only now the job is to keep only Sam safe and try to hold on the little fragments of what once was and will never be again. He can pretend that this isn't happening and that his brother is still his little brother, his Sam.