100 G♥Questions Meme→ Day 43

[shiroki_yousei]

In an attempt to have more discussion over which all our members can bond, we welcome you to ohgacktyoudidnt's
100 G♥QUESTIONS MEME
The main purpose of this Meme is to give all members, even the shyer ones, a chance to participate without any pressure, so that all the members can get to know each other a little better, by discussing the questions you’ve always

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[shiroki_yousei]

Well, to put it simply... I can smile now. :)
Not that I couldn't before, but most of the time it was fake, actually all of me was fake. I was like a numb little doll, hiding behind four brick walls, letting anything and everything slide off of her. It got to the point where my being a coward, caused someone pain, all because I decided that to keep everyone from seeing that there was something wrong with me, I had to live lie. One of the few moments where I felt truly... alive, I guess, is while listening to Gackt, but it wasn't until, maybe a year after I became his fan, that one of his songs hit me, and hit me so hard that I became a complete wreck. At the time, I had started my current relationship, but on that day I realized that I was using one of the people that means the most to me, and I just couldn't go on like that.
To this day I still regret the way I used that person, because I know that I was important for him, and I loved feeling loved, but I didn't give him that importance he deserved. If I could I would apologize, but I that won't change what happened, so I'll just continue to live and learn from that part of my life.

From then on, he's had a big impact both on my personal life, and my school life, and more recently, he helped me keep positive during my extended illness, and subsequent hospital stays, something that I'm still incredibly thankful for because if it hadn't been for his music, as well as my beautiful Dears friends and my family, of course, I would have been a complete mess for those long months.

This is just scratching the surface of how much he's impacted my life, but these things are the ones that have stuck on my mind as those moments when I realize how language and distance are unimportant, that inspiration comes from everywhere we just need to keep an open mind to things around us. And that's one of the things I admire about G and his fans, that he can plow through language barriers with ease and his fans for the passion they have for him and his music. :)

Anyway, thanks to hitotoki_mikoto for the lovely question, and pyroyale for her.. GACKTology post, as that post was the reason for me picking this question.