I'm making an effort...
Hey kids,
My life has been stupid crazy lately and I don't know what the last thing I updated anyone on was, but I'm at a point right now where I feel like I really just need to get some things off my chest or I'm going to go crazy and I really have no one to talk to, so I'm just going to put it here.
I haven't been around for a lot of you guys - if there even many of you left on my friends list, so I don't expect any responses. I just need a place to put these thoughts.
Work Life.
I'm still working at the animal hospital. I love my job. I do. I get to take care of the animals and help the technicians and doctors with treatments and they trained me in reception which is not my favorite position, but the clients all really like me, so that's okay I guess....
Management sucks. They treat us like shit and make stupid choices that negatively effect all of us. I'm looking for a way out, but I refuse to go back to a fast food or retail job. My passion is with animals and that's where i want to be, even if it means working for people that I don't particularly care for. I was recently (sort of) promoted to surgical assistant. It's not really that big of a deal because I've been doing it for forever, just now they've made it official and I'm getting actual scheduled shifts in there rather being pulled in there during my boarding attendant shifts or whathaveyou.
Volunteering.
I'm still volunteering at the Humane Society in my town. Actually... I'm now a board member. I love those women dearly and I'm glad that I have them in my life. Things are difficult there right now because we're trying to figure out what to do about issues at our local shelter. The kill rate is way too high and there are sicknesses running rampant through there and the current director doesn't seem to give a fuck. It's a giant mess of dealing with county commissioners and protesting at commissioners meetings and struggling to get them to let us foster sick animals and have adoption events to help the animals find homes, etc. We're doing the best we can, though. I've recently fostered both a dog and a cat. The cat actually just went to her new mommy with a clean bill of health yesterday. I do miss them, but I'm proud of myself for giving them a chance at life. I probably volunteer and do Humane Society work at least 20 hours a week usually, so this all keeps me very busy (in addition to 40 hours a week at work..)
School
I'm taking the spring semester off because I'm very poor and need to work more to save some money. Also with the two above things, I'm just getting burnt out. Unfortunately as far as my future goals are concerned, both work and volunteering are equally important to schooling as far as getting into to Vet school at some point, so I just have to make due with what time I have and try not to kill myself in the process.
Family.
I still live with my dad. He's still a pain in the ass. He's still my best friend. That's about all I have to report on that front.
Writing
As many of you know, I used to write an awful lot. I don't have much time for that anymore, but I still co-ml NaNoWriMo in November and I still hope to one day get something finished and at least attempted to publish. Too many dreams, not enough time, etc.
Relationship
My boyfriend and I celebrated our one year this St. Patty's day. We're still doing the long-distance thing. It sucks and I hate it. He visited me last so it's my turn to go to Chicago, but I got in a pretty bad car accident last month and all the extra money I try to save to visit him had to go toward paying tow truck expenses and repair costs. I don't know when I will get to see him next is and that's really hard for me to handle considering that he's pretty much the best part of my life right now.
Also hard to handle is how I feel like our entire relationship is really unbalanced. I feel like I spend every minute of every day missing him and wishing he was here and he's just kind of like... yeah, okay, I miss you too. I'll never say anything about it because I'm terrified of being high maintenance in any way. It's just extremely hard in my situation to think that I love him significantly more than he loves me. It hurts.
I understand that he's probably just more distracted than I am. He lives with his best friends in Chicago and gets to spend all day having a great time and loving his life while I'm struggling to pay bills and get good grades while doing the rest of the shit I'm obligated to do here. The truth is I'm really depressed right now and while I know that if I wasn't with him it would make things ten times worse for me, sometimes all this uncertainty really gets to me.
I'm just really confused and lost on that whole thing right now. I love him more than anything and I want so badly to be able to believe that he loves me the same but I just don't. It's probably because of my shit self esteem or whatever, but there it is.
I can't really talk to any of my friends about that, either. They're all either happily in a relationship or single and of the opinion that I shouldn't be with him anyway.
*sigh*
Health
Speaking of my self-esteem, I'm really going to try and do better this year. I've started the couch to 5k program again and I'm starting off this year much stronger than I did last year. I just hope I'm able to make it all the way this time. I really want to run the Color Run 5k. It looks like so much fun.
I think that's really all the important things. I'm going to go for a long run in the rain now since our power has been acting up at the house all day. I lost power three times while writing this. -_-