LJ Idol Week Zero - Earthly delights
For someone who prefers routine, is generally anxious about trying new things, and loves spending time indoors, I'm easily the most transient member of my family. This is partly because I recognize these tendencies in myself and try to do whatever I can not to succumb to them, and partly because I keep falling for the rugged, outdoorsy-types. I've spent the last three years working at a seasonal lodge on Vancouver Island while I was going to school for a Classics degree and I just had to keep going back. There was something incredibly romantic about the idea of (literally) living off the grid for eight months at a time and without cellphone access or wifi. It felt important for me to be able to exist without these things, and I was able to come into my adulthood without the constant, overbearing supervision of my well-meaning parents.
Participating in LJ Idol for the second time has been making me feel particularly reflective about how many things have changed since last January. This year was particularly extraordinary and transformative for me. Last winter I remember sitting at my kitchen table in Victoria as I madly scribbled out entries for Idol, terrified of criticism, terrified of my failing relationship, desperate for any sort of project that would distract me from my depressed, surly boyfriend who was visibly resenting me for being content with the day-to-day humdrum of life outside of the Lodge. The Lodge is a thing I will talk about often, but I won't elaborate extensively about that just yet.
My hope for this last experience with Idol, however long or short it may be, is to write and reflect on every transition I went through this past year: Being so desperately in love with someone and so unsure of my own beauty and confidence that I would agree to try a polyamorous relationship with him because he wasn't content with our relationship, to threesomes, to being sexually assaulted, to brief romantic dalliances on the sides of mountains, to dancing in the deep woods in the moonlight in my skintight leopard-print pants, to a long, drawn-out, painful breakup that lasted several months and involved many "last nights" together, to the hours-long breakdown I had in the fall in a cabin surrounded by dead mice, to the new and powerful love that I found in the most unexpected person, and most importantly to uncovering my inner, confident beauty and revealing it to everyone I met.
I am hoping for catharsis and the ability to gain perspective on such an incredible period in my life that only the passing of time and perhaps physical distance can permit. My name is Alex, I'm twenty-four years old, I have a certain fondness for wearing costumes (right now I'm really into animal onesies,) listening to music on 400watt speakers, working to perfect my bakasana pose, and cuddling with my fat lop-eared rabbit named Jonas (or Major Lazer, whichever you prefer.)
Participating in LJ Idol for the second time has been making me feel particularly reflective about how many things have changed since last January. This year was particularly extraordinary and transformative for me. Last winter I remember sitting at my kitchen table in Victoria as I madly scribbled out entries for Idol, terrified of criticism, terrified of my failing relationship, desperate for any sort of project that would distract me from my depressed, surly boyfriend who was visibly resenting me for being content with the day-to-day humdrum of life outside of the Lodge. The Lodge is a thing I will talk about often, but I won't elaborate extensively about that just yet.
My hope for this last experience with Idol, however long or short it may be, is to write and reflect on every transition I went through this past year: Being so desperately in love with someone and so unsure of my own beauty and confidence that I would agree to try a polyamorous relationship with him because he wasn't content with our relationship, to threesomes, to being sexually assaulted, to brief romantic dalliances on the sides of mountains, to dancing in the deep woods in the moonlight in my skintight leopard-print pants, to a long, drawn-out, painful breakup that lasted several months and involved many "last nights" together, to the hours-long breakdown I had in the fall in a cabin surrounded by dead mice, to the new and powerful love that I found in the most unexpected person, and most importantly to uncovering my inner, confident beauty and revealing it to everyone I met.
I am hoping for catharsis and the ability to gain perspective on such an incredible period in my life that only the passing of time and perhaps physical distance can permit. My name is Alex, I'm twenty-four years old, I have a certain fondness for wearing costumes (right now I'm really into animal onesies,) listening to music on 400watt speakers, working to perfect my bakasana pose, and cuddling with my fat lop-eared rabbit named Jonas (or Major Lazer, whichever you prefer.)