the thing that is making me cry most lately.
i've always been the one that wanted to get away, that screamed 'i can't wait to move out of this fucking house and get away from you' at my parents, my brothers and sisters. but now? i feel like i have a massive empty hole in my chest. i miss them so. much. its never been like this before. more than anything i want to be able to just jump on a bus and get dropped off at the bus stop near their house, and walk down the long road, and walk up the driveway and see the boys in the garden, my mum outside and my dad cycling up, getting home from work. i want to be able to see them everyday if i want, or not if i dont want. i dont want to have to plan for weeks to make time to see them, and try to fit in as much with them as possible in the few days that i can get off from work. i want to go round for tea once a week, i want to take my sisters to the pub, go see my brothers gigs, help my other brothers with their homework. i want to see my grandparents, listen to my granddads tales of when he was young, sew and make things with my nan. im missing so much, and theyre not going to be there for ever. i just want to be with them.