(no subject)

[ohdarlingjane]

Everything is in such division. Day and night. Asleep or awake. Sober or wasted. Hard on or hard up. happy or unhappy. liars or truth tellers. Believers and nonbelievers. I'm always one and they're always the others. Nobody ever wants to leave the party. I never want to leave the house. Nobody ever wants to put down their drink and shut the bedroom doors in on us. and maybe press up to me and sleep. There's always something that may be missed. I feel like missing it all. I always miss it all. I always get tucked in and left in the dark. I always know that nobody is ever going to kiss me goodnight until it's my goodmorning and I'm on my way to work when my kisser is just crawling into bed. I finally went home. I drag myself a million miles every week and there isn't enough fuel in my car or money in my wallet or light in my heart. I keep wishing for a daydream accident. Where something necessary bursts inside me and I get to take a vacation. Lay around and be sick all over. heartsick and headsick. But that isn't practical. Creeping paranoia is killing me. That's all it is. Everyone's out to get you. And they will. And nobody loves you like you love them. So just be unhappy baby because you can't compare to all the exciting evenings or all the pop culture trivia facts or all the pretty girls that circulate from bedroom to bedroom so you may as well cry in the bathroom bewteen turns. Everyday when I look at him, the stupid fucking nonexistent past stares me in the face until I have to turn away. I'm such old news. I'm so worn out. I'm always fighting the ghosts of what I think went on. And it's none of my business but my god what a fantastic inventor of torture I can be. At midnight tonight I'm going to kidnap my lover and we will live off of the earth that we both helped destroy. happily. Or else I'm going to sleep alone again and without a good tucking in tonight. I want the things I can't have and it's driving me mad. How high is the water mamma?....."5 feet high and rising" This one's for you
This one's for you and if you turn around or shake your arms I'd love you.Can't be denied I had you in mind though I know you'll be the last to know The last to know this one's for you. this one's for you
and if you turn around or shake your arms I'd love you. Here comes the dark. here comes the dark. Here comes the dark.