Firsts
I've never needed therapy or any kind of consult before. I've always been able to handle stress, I've never been depressed (except possibly for the summer between my Freshman and Sophomore/Junior year of college, though I didn't realize until much later), and I've never been anxious before this year. Judging by my constant melancholy buzzkill LJ posts, you might be able to tell that things aren't peachy in Brooklyn, NY right now. So today, I went to visit the shrink for the first time.
His name is Oscar Rodriguez. He was featured in NYMag not for his psychiatry practice, but for his amazing fur hat. The appointment took about twenty minutes and went something like this:
Dr. Rodriguez: So, what's the problem?
Me: Just so you know, I've never been to therapy before. But, I started this job in August and [insert Cliff's Notes version of the last 20 posts in this journal].
Dr. Rodriguez: What have you done to help yourself so far?
Me: I talk to a lot of people, first year teachers, friends, coworkers, family. I blog. I journal. I curl up into fetal on my 4x4 circle rug every day after work.
Dr. Rodriguez: How's that working for you?
Me: I need a lint remover. The carpet is red. Talking makes me more anxious and depressed and then I worry that I am bothering people.
Dr. Rodriguez: What do you think the problem is?
Me: I know what the problem is. It's the job. I also googled the shit out of it, and I'm pretty sure it's an adjustment disorder, or situational depression. Also, I googled you. Awesome hat.
Dr. Rodriguez: Thanks! Wanna see? [takes out hat from closet]
Me: Wow, that really is an awesome hat.
Dr. Rodriguez: So, why did you make the call to my office?
Me: [insert wishy washy shit about feeling sad]
Dr. Rodriguez: [not buying it] Is that it?
Me: [hesitation] Well honestly I was on the train the other day--
Dr. Rodriguez: Yeah?
Me: Yeah, and I saw this empty backpack on the bench, so I sat across from it and out of nowhere this thought popped into my head, "Wow, I hope that bag blows up so I don't have to go to work tomorrow."
Dr. Rodriguez: That's not good.
Me: No, it's not. I'm not like that. I never think like that. But I thought to myself after that if I have ever thought weird shit like that, and I realized that I have, when I'm crossing the street, when I'm waiting at a train platform.
Dr. Rodriguez: Morbid thoughts.
Me: Maudlin thoughts.
Dr. Rodriguez: Regardless, unhealthy.
Me: Yeah.
Dr. Rodriguez: So there are a few options. I think that a low dose anti-depressant like Celexa and some anxiety meds, like Xanax, will help you.
Me: [shocked] Meds? Really? No therapy or group therapy stuff?
Dr. Rodriguez: Is that what you wanted me to say?
Me: Nah, not really.
Dr. Rodriguez: I figured. You know what your problem is, and you even know what you have. Talking stresses you out and makes you more nervous. You've tried dealing with this in the rational way that you know how, but it's the situation, not you. You need help coping right now, not problem solving, because you can't solve it.
Me: Until June.
Dr. Rodriguez: Right, until June.
Me: Can I touch your hat while you write the prescriptions?
Dr. Rodriguez: Sure.
So that's that. I need help coping. This appointment might sound appalling or terrible to those that have had therapy really work for them, but for me, I think this is what I need. Something temporary to get me through this rough patch. I hope things get better, even slightly, now that I have some help.
His name is Oscar Rodriguez. He was featured in NYMag not for his psychiatry practice, but for his amazing fur hat. The appointment took about twenty minutes and went something like this:
Dr. Rodriguez: So, what's the problem?
Me: Just so you know, I've never been to therapy before. But, I started this job in August and [insert Cliff's Notes version of the last 20 posts in this journal].
Dr. Rodriguez: What have you done to help yourself so far?
Me: I talk to a lot of people, first year teachers, friends, coworkers, family. I blog. I journal. I curl up into fetal on my 4x4 circle rug every day after work.
Dr. Rodriguez: How's that working for you?
Me: I need a lint remover. The carpet is red. Talking makes me more anxious and depressed and then I worry that I am bothering people.
Dr. Rodriguez: What do you think the problem is?
Me: I know what the problem is. It's the job. I also googled the shit out of it, and I'm pretty sure it's an adjustment disorder, or situational depression. Also, I googled you. Awesome hat.
Dr. Rodriguez: Thanks! Wanna see? [takes out hat from closet]
Me: Wow, that really is an awesome hat.
Dr. Rodriguez: So, why did you make the call to my office?
Me: [insert wishy washy shit about feeling sad]
Dr. Rodriguez: [not buying it] Is that it?
Me: [hesitation] Well honestly I was on the train the other day--
Dr. Rodriguez: Yeah?
Me: Yeah, and I saw this empty backpack on the bench, so I sat across from it and out of nowhere this thought popped into my head, "Wow, I hope that bag blows up so I don't have to go to work tomorrow."
Dr. Rodriguez: That's not good.
Me: No, it's not. I'm not like that. I never think like that. But I thought to myself after that if I have ever thought weird shit like that, and I realized that I have, when I'm crossing the street, when I'm waiting at a train platform.
Dr. Rodriguez: Morbid thoughts.
Me: Maudlin thoughts.
Dr. Rodriguez: Regardless, unhealthy.
Me: Yeah.
Dr. Rodriguez: So there are a few options. I think that a low dose anti-depressant like Celexa and some anxiety meds, like Xanax, will help you.
Me: [shocked] Meds? Really? No therapy or group therapy stuff?
Dr. Rodriguez: Is that what you wanted me to say?
Me: Nah, not really.
Dr. Rodriguez: I figured. You know what your problem is, and you even know what you have. Talking stresses you out and makes you more nervous. You've tried dealing with this in the rational way that you know how, but it's the situation, not you. You need help coping right now, not problem solving, because you can't solve it.
Me: Until June.
Dr. Rodriguez: Right, until June.
Me: Can I touch your hat while you write the prescriptions?
Dr. Rodriguez: Sure.
So that's that. I need help coping. This appointment might sound appalling or terrible to those that have had therapy really work for them, but for me, I think this is what I need. Something temporary to get me through this rough patch. I hope things get better, even slightly, now that I have some help.