Vent
If you came running thinking I was posting about an update for Draw a Circle then you can turn back now, this is just another venting journal. Draw a Circle is getting no closer to being completed, though I do have the last scene worked out...I've just got way too much on my plate right now to worry about it.
I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly two years last weekend. The distance was just too much. How can two people withstand a relationship when they only get to see each other once a year for a week at a time? Don't get me wrong, that one week was the greatest week of my life thus far and I'll never forget it, but I just can't live that way anymore. We had no future together; she wasn't willing to come up and visit me (seeing as she's never gone out of the state before and she has a lot of issues, it's understandable), and I simply can't survive down there. I can't leave my family behind, especially my father, who is still recovering from a heart attack he had last year. I look after him...I need him...my life has been falling to pieces slowly before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
The distance was only the first reason for the break up, the other being that my heart has been pulling me in another direction for a few months now. Ever since our Hetalia ice skating event I've had someone on my mind...every time I talk to her I feel safe and secure and I smile so much that it hurts my face. She's just a ray of sunshine for me right now and I wanna soak it up as much as I can since the world around me is covered in darkness. She's been talking me through this entire ordeal, and I confessed my feelings for her...I was shocked to find out she feels the same way about me. I don't want to jump right into things, but right now she's my only source of happiness. I need to stabilize myself, get back up on my feet, and follow my heart again. I want to try and be with her, and she said if she were to go out with any girl it would be me. She isn't sure if she'll be comfortable with a girl yet, but we're going to try...I can't wait for my birthday this year because she's coming to sleep over with Esmeralda and Venus for I-Con. I'm so nervous though...
To make everything worse once again (because no matter how happy one gets there's always something else in the way), my aunt and Tina just texted me telling me of an ex boyfriend sighting. Yes, my piece of shit ex boyfriend who forced me to do sexual things with him, who has been stalking me quietly for nearly 3 years now, is working at the very Petco I go to very frequently to get all of my pet supplies. This isn't just some stupid coincidence. He knew I went to that Petco. He's gone there with me a billion times before. He doesn't even live anywhere near there, so why the fuck would he work there?! It's just one more thing to make my life a fucking living hell! Now I'm afraid to go there, but I have to confront my damn fears and not let him control my fucking life. God, I hate him and I wish he'd just fall off a cliff! I wish I could erase my memories of him as well, since they keep coming back to haunt me...
In other news, I can barely talk to my ex girlfriend anymore. I keep starting fights with her and feeling like a whore because she says such things as "you were happy with me one minute telling me "you're the only one for me--oh hey other person!" That's a very nice thing to say to someone you still love...now I feel like a whore...I'm only following my heart, is that so wrong? It isn't my fault I liked someone and tried to suppress my damn feelings for her while I was going out with my girlfriend! It isn't my fault it all came spilling out to that person the day me and my ex got into a fight! And it certainly isn't my fault that that person likes me back and is helping me through such a rough time! God, I just...I don't know anymore...
If anyone's read this far you're truly amazing...Also, IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR DRAW A CIRCLE UPDATES YOU CAN START READING NOW.
I don't have the last chapter completely worked out. People are saying they'd like for it to be a calm chapter about US and UK dealing with the new baby, so that's what I wanted it to be. Then I had the idea that maybe I'd do a bit of a time skip and have the nations come over for Emma's first birthday party, but that would ruin all of baby's "firsts", so that idea was thrown away. Don't expect this chapter to be anything great...and certainly don't expect it to get done anytime soon. I need to sort out my person life, seeing as I'm in no mood to write right now...When I'm feeling better it'll be the first thing I attend to. I promise.
Thank you to everyone for sticking with me this long. I have no idea if any of you read my journal, seeing as you probably get my updates from the usxuk community or the mpreg community. But if you check up on me then I really wanna say thanks and give you a hug *huggles* cause I need all the friends I can get right now.
Here's hoping that life'll get easier from here on out.
I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly two years last weekend. The distance was just too much. How can two people withstand a relationship when they only get to see each other once a year for a week at a time? Don't get me wrong, that one week was the greatest week of my life thus far and I'll never forget it, but I just can't live that way anymore. We had no future together; she wasn't willing to come up and visit me (seeing as she's never gone out of the state before and she has a lot of issues, it's understandable), and I simply can't survive down there. I can't leave my family behind, especially my father, who is still recovering from a heart attack he had last year. I look after him...I need him...my life has been falling to pieces slowly before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
The distance was only the first reason for the break up, the other being that my heart has been pulling me in another direction for a few months now. Ever since our Hetalia ice skating event I've had someone on my mind...every time I talk to her I feel safe and secure and I smile so much that it hurts my face. She's just a ray of sunshine for me right now and I wanna soak it up as much as I can since the world around me is covered in darkness. She's been talking me through this entire ordeal, and I confessed my feelings for her...I was shocked to find out she feels the same way about me. I don't want to jump right into things, but right now she's my only source of happiness. I need to stabilize myself, get back up on my feet, and follow my heart again. I want to try and be with her, and she said if she were to go out with any girl it would be me. She isn't sure if she'll be comfortable with a girl yet, but we're going to try...I can't wait for my birthday this year because she's coming to sleep over with Esmeralda and Venus for I-Con. I'm so nervous though...
To make everything worse once again (because no matter how happy one gets there's always something else in the way), my aunt and Tina just texted me telling me of an ex boyfriend sighting. Yes, my piece of shit ex boyfriend who forced me to do sexual things with him, who has been stalking me quietly for nearly 3 years now, is working at the very Petco I go to very frequently to get all of my pet supplies. This isn't just some stupid coincidence. He knew I went to that Petco. He's gone there with me a billion times before. He doesn't even live anywhere near there, so why the fuck would he work there?! It's just one more thing to make my life a fucking living hell! Now I'm afraid to go there, but I have to confront my damn fears and not let him control my fucking life. God, I hate him and I wish he'd just fall off a cliff! I wish I could erase my memories of him as well, since they keep coming back to haunt me...
In other news, I can barely talk to my ex girlfriend anymore. I keep starting fights with her and feeling like a whore because she says such things as "you were happy with me one minute telling me "you're the only one for me--oh hey other person!" That's a very nice thing to say to someone you still love...now I feel like a whore...I'm only following my heart, is that so wrong? It isn't my fault I liked someone and tried to suppress my damn feelings for her while I was going out with my girlfriend! It isn't my fault it all came spilling out to that person the day me and my ex got into a fight! And it certainly isn't my fault that that person likes me back and is helping me through such a rough time! God, I just...I don't know anymore...
If anyone's read this far you're truly amazing...Also, IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR DRAW A CIRCLE UPDATES YOU CAN START READING NOW.
I don't have the last chapter completely worked out. People are saying they'd like for it to be a calm chapter about US and UK dealing with the new baby, so that's what I wanted it to be. Then I had the idea that maybe I'd do a bit of a time skip and have the nations come over for Emma's first birthday party, but that would ruin all of baby's "firsts", so that idea was thrown away. Don't expect this chapter to be anything great...and certainly don't expect it to get done anytime soon. I need to sort out my person life, seeing as I'm in no mood to write right now...When I'm feeling better it'll be the first thing I attend to. I promise.
Thank you to everyone for sticking with me this long. I have no idea if any of you read my journal, seeing as you probably get my updates from the usxuk community or the mpreg community. But if you check up on me then I really wanna say thanks and give you a hug *huggles* cause I need all the friends I can get right now.
Here's hoping that life'll get easier from here on out.