[Fic] Long Live
Title: Long Live
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: M
Warnings: sex and angst
Summary: A look back on the lives of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black focusing on how hard they fought to continue living and always find their way back to one another.
A/N: Loosely based off of the song "Long Live" by Taylor Swift and a beautiful piece of fanart I found over on the R/S community. I wish I had the link to it, but sadly I don't!
Remember this moment. Remus made a mental note in the back of his mind as Sirius pressed his back against the dorm room wall, their bodies flush together. Their lips met in a passionate kiss-one that had been long practiced. During all of their years together they perfected every sort of kiss and knew when to apply each one. Tonight was their last day at Hogwarts, just before their final farewell feast. Tomorrow they would take the train back to London, saying farewell to Hogwarts maybe forever.
Remus’s hands slipped into Sirius’s long, black hair, tugging at it softly. He opened his mouth, allowing Sirius access and giving him an opportunity to slide his tongue inside to mingle with Remus’s own. Seven years. They had arrived as nothing but mere boys, strangers to one another. Remus would have never thought that inside of these walls he would meet the three boys who would change his life forever. He had absolutely no clue that he would make his first friends here, nor that he would fall in love. He had come here as nothing more than a scared, lonely, secretive werewolf. He was leaving as a confident, loved, friend to many. He was a mature adult now and he no longer needed to be so secretive-at least not now that he had found lifelong friends.
“Sirius,” he panted, turning his head to get away from Sirius’s talented mouth. “We’re going to miss the feast.”
Sirius seemed to not have heard him. He was far too distracted by the smooth, creamy skin of Remus’s neck. He licked a stripe up to Remus’s ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth and tugging on it. Remus let out a low moan. “Ah, my dear Moony, you don’t really think I’d allow that to happen, do you?” Sirius breathed a puff of hot air into Remus’s ear, causing the other boy to shudder. “Besides, we’re having a little feast of our own right now.”
Remus felt Sirius’s hands expertly undoing his trousers and the next second he knew he was standing bare arsed with Sirius kneeling down in front of him. A wet tongue licked at the tip of his cock and Sirius took Remus’s balls into his hand, fondling them as he bathed his member. He licked up the underside, pressing lightly against the heavy vein there and causing Remus to cry out softly.
This is the last time.
Never again would they be doing this in this room.
Remus forced his eyes open, wanting to take in the sight of the dorm room he had come to call home over the past seven years. The trunks were all packed full of everyone’s things, waiting for them at the foot of each bed. The posters of the Muggle girls and Quidditch teams had been taken off the walls. The charmed notes on the bathroom mirror had been erased. All of their belongings had been cleared out of the secret hiding spots they had created over the years. The map had been taken-it had been James’s idea to leave it behind for future trouble makers to find-confiscated by Filch. The invisibility cloak and one of the two-way mirrors was packed away in James’s trunk, the other in Sirius’s. The room seemed so bare. It was hard to believe that this room had held so many memories; nights of planning pranks, playing games, learning complicated spells. All of the years that his friends had spent figuring out how to become Animagi had been spent inside of these four walls. Sirius had first transformed into Padfoot in this very room. Remus felt his heart clench. He owed so much to Hogwarts, Dumbledore, and his friends.
“Promise me it’ll never end.”
Sirius raised his head, grey eyes looking worriedly up into molten brown. Remus knew he was searching for a sign of discomfort, but there wasn’t any to be found. Sirius smiled easily and nodded. “You’ll come back and live with me, won’t you? You won’t have to pay me a thing.”
Remus could only nod, feeling his chest tightening. He would have a new home in the flat Sirius owned in London. They would live together. Remus knew he couldn’t wake up with Sirius not beside him each and every day, they had grown too close.
“Good.”
With that, Sirius went back to giving Remus the last blowjob he would ever receive in Hogwarts, and soon after that they joined the others for the end of term feast.
~ * ~ *
“Do we really need all of these books?” Sirius had asked him. “I’m starting to get the impression that you only own so many books to make yourself look smart. Why else would you want to keep these things around?”
Remus felt his throat constrict as he sealed up the final box. “Finally finished.”
Wonderful. Now he was talking to himself. His life had only fallen apart a month ago and already he was going mental.
He lifted his head to look around the flat, trying to only see what he wanted to see. It was still too difficult. Why did he think he would be able to do this? Naturally, no one had offered to help him. They were all too busy celebrating the defeat of the Dark Lord. Didn’t they know that everything in Remus’s life had been ripped from him on that very day? It seemed that one moment he had had everything; friends, a home, and a comfortable relationship with Sirius. Things had gone downhill far too quickly and Remus still felt like he was still falling even though he knew that he had already hit the bottom.
He didn’t have time to dwell on this. He had to pack his things and get going.
What about his things? Asked the tiny voice in the back of his mind. What are you going to do with those?
Sirius’s belongings were still scattered throughout the flat. His clothes littered the bedroom, his hair products still sat in the shower, his boots remained by the door, an unopened pack of his favorite brand of cigarette still lay on the kitchen counter.
No. That’s not what I came for. I don’t need to.
Still, Remus found that he couldn’t help himself. It was stupid, really. He should hate Sirius for all of this, yet he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything for the man right now-well, except for betrayal. His body moved on its own accord, refusing to listen to his brain any longer. He cleaned up the flat, packing away Sirius’s things in boxes and labeling them accordingly. He should have burned them. He should have been furious as he worked. Instead, he acted like a soulless drone. He felt nothing as he folded Sirius’s shirts and neatly tucked them inside of a packing box. They would come with him to his parent’s old house. He could keep them in his closet, just in case.
Just in case what? Just in case he comes back?
Remus knew Sirius wasn’t coming back. He was in Azkaban, probably for the rest of his life, if it hadn’t already ended (no, if it had ended the Prophet would have said something). Remus would never see him again. His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he felt a burning sensation behind his eyes.
Even if Sirius got out of Azkaban, what would happen? Remus could never forgive him for what he did. It was his fault that Remus had lost everything. It was his fault that all of Remus’s friends had died in one fell swoop. It was his fault that Remus was being forced to leave the flat and return to the house he inherited from his parents out in the middle of nowhere. It was his fault that Remus would live a life of poverty and solitude once more.
Yet Remus found he still loved him.
“How fucked up am I?” he wondered aloud, standing and clenching his eyes shut. The room smelled of Sirius’s cologne.
He left the flat with all of the boxes in tow and sorted them out once he got to his new home. Sirius’s belongings were put in his bedroom closet to never be looked at again--except on nights where he felt he just couldn’t keep himself away. Those nights when he just needed to hold Sirius’s shirts close to his chest and inhale his scent just one more time.
Just this one last time…
~ * ~ *
Sometimes, he swore he could hear howling from inside of his cell on the nights when he watched the full moon. He knew he was slowly losing his mind. There were no wolves anywhere nearby. Sirius wasn’t stupid enough to believe there were, but he couldn’t help himself.
Every month he would stare up into the sky and watch the moon rise through the bars on his cell window. He counted them in his mind. He never lost count. There wasn’t a moment when Sirius didn’t think about Remus, but he thought about him even more on full moon nights. Was he alright? Did he have a safe place to transform? Was he ripping himself to shreds? Was he even still alive? Who would come and find him in the morning? Who would tend to his wounds when he was healing? Those had all been things Sirius was made to help with. Padfoot had been created for the full moon, and he longed to be with Moony every month. The animal inside of him pulled at him, yearning to be set free. Sometimes Sirius would obey. He would sit in his cell as a dog, keeping very silent, thankful that the Dementors couldn’t take anything important from him when he was Padfoot. Dogs didn’t have the same emotions that humans did. This was the only way Sirius was able to keep what was left of his sanity.
There was no way Remus knew the truth. He would believe what he had been told by the members of the Order and the writers of the Prophet. No one knew the truth. No one believed him. At first, this had crushed him. If no one believed then there was no hope. But, for some reason, Sirius wouldn’t give up the fight. He was too stubborn to die. He needed to get out and find Remus. He had to tell him the truth. Remus needed to know, he needed to believe. It wouldn’t matter if no one else believed him, just so long as Remus knew.
The moonlight shone down on him from above and Sirius let his head fall back against the cold stone of his cell. He would watch until it sank below his window, until the sun rose and Remus changed back. Then Sirius would prey silently that Remus survived yet another full moon without him.
~ * ~ *
A wave crashed over him, causing seawater to flood his mouth, some of it escaping down his throat. He coughed as best he could and clamped his muzzle shut. Padfoot’s mighty paws were perfect for swimming this distance-Sirius was so brilliant for coming up with this plan. He really hadn’t been sure it would work, and he had to skip a lot of meals in order to slide through the bars of his cell, but he had eventually made it to freedom, if you could call swimming aimlessly through the sea freedom. To a prisoner it was heaven.
Someone must have been looking out for him that day. His plan had gone through without a hitch and he had enough strength to get himself to shore. The constant thought of revenge helped to push him along. Whenever he felt like giving up, Sirius remembered that Peter was out there, headed to Hogwarts where Harry was. His Godson was in danger and there was no way in hell Sirius was going to sit and rot in a prison cell while Harry’s life was at stake. Peter had set out to finish what he started and Sirius would put a stop to it. Maybe he would even get a chance to meet Harry again. If he caught Peter and exposed him for the rat he was, then maybe he would be a free man. He could become Harry’s guardian again and live with him. Perhaps he would find Remus later down the line and try and give what they had another shot, once he knew the truth. That is, if Remus hadn’t moved on with his life and found someone else. Sirius didn’t want to think about that right now.
He pulled himself out of the water, shaking off and looking around to get his bearings. Now, which way to Hogwarts?
~ * ~ *
It was Peter. It had been Peter all along. Remus felt a great wave of relief wash over him. Sirius wasn’t a murderer. He had been wrongly imprisoned. He had suffered for years because of a terrible crime Peter had committed.
Peter had betrayed them all. He had sold James and Lily to Voldemort. He had been feeding the Death Eaters information about the Order. He allowed Voldemort to attack Harry and destroy all of their lives that night. Remus could never forgive him for that.
He looked down at the floor at Sirius, smirked, and extended his hand. Sirius grasped it and Remus pulled him to his feet. He heard Hermione yelling at him from across the room, saying that she had trusted him, but Remus couldn’t be bothered with her right now. He pulled Sirius into a tight hug, feeling his wasted body up against his own. Sirius felt so small now, so weak. His tangled hair fell down to his elbows and his stench was unbearable. His face was so skeletal, skin stretched tight over his bones and eyes sunken in gravely. Yet still there was a spark of the old Sirius within those eyes.
“I thought I’d lost you.” Sirius whispered, sounding so broken and lost. Remus wanted to never let go.
“You’ll never lose me.” Remus replied, looking Sirius in the eyes and smiling confidently. “Never.”
~ * ~ *
When Remus was away Sirius worried constantly. He spent most of his time locked in his mother’s bedroom with Buckbeak, preferring his company to that of the Weasley’s. Molly would bitch at him for not spending time with everyone else, but if he came down there then she would be on his arse about something else. She knit picked every little thing and it drove Sirius mad. So, instead of mingling with the rest of the occupants of the house Sirius leaned against Buckbeak and drank heavily from a bottle of Firewhisky. Several empty bottles were already scattered around him and in his hand he clutched Remus’s latest letter.
Remus had been sent on another mission with the werewolves. Dumbledore had given him orders to try and live amongst them to learn whose side they were on. If they were leaning toward Voldemort’s side then Remus was to do his best to get them to come over to the Order’s side. It seemed that the werewolves were pretty neutral as of now.
Remus never said in his letters if he was in any danger. He only informed Sirius that the mission was going well and that he would send another owl with the date of his descent to back to Grimmauld Place. Sirius knew that even if he asked Remus how he was, the lycanthrope was likely to lie. Remus didn’t want Sirius worrying about him, but Sirius couldn’t help it. Remus was out in the wilderness with a bunch of werewolves who didn’t trust him. How was he supposed to be content with that? Those wolves could turn on Remus at any moment or take advantage of him during the full moon. Moony wasn’t used to being around other wolves-he was outnumbered. He didn’t have Padfoot with him during the months that Remus was away in-where ever he was.
Once again, Sirius was rendered useless. He took another swig from the bottle of Firewhisky and leaned his head back against Buckbeak some more, staring up at the peeling paint on the ceiling. The room smelled like Hippogriff shit, but Sirius had grown used to it. He had bolted himself up in here for so many weeks now that the smell was almost comforting.
“Three more days,” he spoke. Buckbeak nuzzled his cheek with his beak, making a happy clicking noise. Sirius reached out to stroke the side of Buckbeak’s feathered face. “Three more days and then Remus will be back.”
~ * ~ *
Bony, callused fingers traced over the freshest scars on Remus’s chest and shoulders and Sirius stared up at Remus. Remus tipped his head down and their eyes locked.
I’ll heal these. Sirius’s eyes seemed to say. Remus just nodded and went back to trying to find the appropriate angle. Sirius’s fingers dug into his hips, holding him there but helping with his movements. It hurt when their hips met, the two of them were far too thin. Remus had worked on feeding Sirius and he had gained enough weight so that he didn’t look too skeletal anymore. Still, it would be a while before Sirius was back to the weight he had been before Azkaban.
Sirius’s cock hit that bundle of nerves within Remus that caused the werewolf to cry out in pleasure, earning a cocky grin from Sirius. It was amazing that he could still get it up after all he had gone through. Now, not only could he get an erection just from the mere thought of Remus doing anything even remotely sexual, but he could also pleasure the werewolf in much the same way he had done when they were younger. He angled himself to hit Remus’s prostate once again.
Remus closed his eyes as he released another moan, pushing back against Sirius’s cock with vigor. He stretched up like a cat, catching Sirius’s mouth with his own and kissing him heatedly. His hands went up to tangle themselves in Sirius’s freshly groomed hair, the smell of Sirius’s shampoo wafting through the air. Remus inhaled heavily and licked at Sirius’s bottom lip before biting it, his eyes snapping open.
“A-Ah!” Sirius cried out, grey eyes meeting the golden eyes of the wolf above him. It was very close to the full moon and the wolf was stirring. The brown in Remus’s eyes receded, giving way to the gold eyes of the wolf. A growl filled the air and Sirius met it with one of his own. This was how they played when the moon was tugging at Remus’s bones, making his skin prickle from its approach.
Remus released Sirius’s lip, his own upper lip curling to show off his teeth. Remus always had rather sharp eye teeth, but Sirius supposed that was due to his lycanthropy. Still, he did look rather threatening like this, but Sirius knew he had nothing to fear. He tipped his head back and exposed his neck, knowing exactly what Remus wanted. Remus dove forward, opened his mouth, and bit down on Sirius’s neck, pressing his teeth into the flesh just lightly. Moony did this to Padfoot when they mated under the moon and so Sirius had gotten used to it. It was the wolf’s way of claiming his mate, showing him who was boss.
Remus growled once again, a low rumble in his chest. He held on as their hips continued to move until he could stand it no longer. He felt his balls tighten and he released Sirius’s neck with a gasp, eyes flashing back to their natural brown. “S-Sirius!”
“I’m here.” Sirius answered quickly, wrapping his arms around Remus as the other thrust forward and spilled his seed between them with a mighty cry. Sirius shivered and pressed their mouths together once more, his own release washing over him seconds later.
They stayed tangled together on top of the sheets, panting in tandem and allowing their cold, wet skin to dry. Remus moved to rest his head on Sirius’s shoulder, tongue coming out to bathe the spot where he had bitten. A nasty purple mark was left on Sirius’s neck and he would have to wear high collared robes for a few days in order to hide it from the others.
“I’m sorry. I got carried away again.”
Sirius shook his head, black hair fanning out over the pillow behind him. “You think I mind? You marked me, Moony.”
Remus rolled off of Sirius and reached for his wand, smiling as he cast a few cleansing spells over them both. He then set his wand aside and sprawled out beside Sirius, who turned on his side to face him. Their arms both went around each other, noses nearly touching. “Well, you are my mate.”
Sirius knew very well that wolves mate for life.
~ * ~ *
He had begged him not to come, pleaded with him for as long as he could, but Remus knew he stood no chance of winning this kind of argument with Sirius. Not when his Godson was in danger. The reckless behavior that shone through so brightly when they were boys was brought back with vigor and Sirius dove into the battle along with the rest of the Order, despite lacking the dueling skills the others possessed. Years of being locked up in Azkaban had slowed him a bit, but once the curses were flying by it all came back in a flash.
Remus wished that he could have stayed at his side to help him, but he was a bit preoccupied keeping his former students safe from harm and trying to save his own skin. Every chance he got, he glanced Sirius’s way, seeing him fighting beside Harry and praising him. It made his heart race. They were both in danger and his hands were tied.
A curse flew past him, just inches from his face. It left a horizontal slash in his cheek and brought him back to the current moment. Remus had to defend himself, he couldn’t be focused on Sirius right now-but looking back on it, he really wished he had paid more attention. He heard Harry shout something, the sound of Bellatrix’s cackling laughter filling the circular room, and Remus spun around on the spot just in time to see Sirius falling backward through the veil.
Time seemed to slow. Remus’s lungs stopped functioning, yet his brain continued to think. His feet carried him to Harry, who had made a mad dash for the veil as if preparing himself to jump through. Something in Remus told him to restrain Harry, to keep him away from that thing. Harry continued to fight him, screaming and trying to break free, cursing at Bellatrix until at last he managed to get free. He chased after her and Remus found that his legs would no longer cooperate with him. He stood watching the curtain of the veil flutter, silently wondering what would happen next. Sirius would fall through the other side, wouldn’t he? It hadn’t been too long.
Another curse flew his way and he was able to defend himself in time. He was kept away from the veil due to the battle. He wanted nothing more than to rush to that curtain and-what would he do? Reach inside? He had no idea what it was or where it had taken Sirius, or even if Sirius was still alive.
He’s not dead. He can’t be dead.
Suddenly, there was more pandemonium. Voldemort was there, the others were shouting. Harry needed protecting and they had to head to the main atrium. That was when Remus noticed that someone else had appeared among the Death Eaters-Peter Pettigrew.
Something inside of him snapped. He forgot completely about Sirius and Harry and threw himself into attacking Peter. The other man did his best to defend himself, but Remus was the better duelist. He had him disarmed in a matter of minutes, contemplating the best way to kill him. Finally, he decided the quickest way would be to go with a slashing spell to the neck and he raised his wand, preparing to do the deed. His eyes met Peter’s-and then his arm was by his side again. He couldn’t kill this man, even after all of the lives he had destroyed. Remus wasn’t a murderer, not even in times of war. “Allowing you to die would be too gracious of me. No, I think you deserve a much worse punishment for what you’ve done to James and Lily, Harry, and Sirius and I.”
Ropes shot out of the end of Remus’s wand, winding around Peter and binding and gagging him tightly. The Ministry would be left to find him and Sirius’s name would be cleared. When he returned from the other side of the veil he would be a free man.
Remus took his eyes off Peter and stepped up to the veil, watching it sway in the breezeless room. His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he raised his hand, bringing his fingertips inches from the fluttering black curtain. What was taking Sirius so long? Shouldn’t he have appeared by now? A sense of dread was beginning to fill Remus up and his eyes began to burn. His vision was blurred by tears and his arm fell limply to his side, heart aching.
“Come back to me…”
~ * ~ *
He had been falling forever, yet he hadn’t hit the bottom yet, if there even was a bottom. Sirius squinted and looked below him, but still he could locate no bottom to this endless sky he seemed to be falling from. He wasn’t dropping-that would have required a lot more speed. Instead he was just falling gently, the way he had when the veil had taken him in the first place.
Tiny golden orbs of light surrounded him, circling him as he fell. Each had a voice and they would whisper things to him, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. Some of them felt familiar, like he been in their presence before, but that was completely ridiculous.
Then, as abruptly as it had started, it stopped. His feet touched down on solid ground, though when he looked down all he could see was white. Everything around him was white except for the orbs which were floating up above his head. He continued to watch them in a sort of daze.
“Padfoot?”
His head snapped straight forward and his heart jolted in his chest. James and Lily were standing before him, looking as alive as they had the last day he had seen them. “Prongs? Lily? But-how?”
“You shouldn’t be here,” Lily started, moving closer to him.
“Damnit, Padfoot.” James cursed, taking his best friend into his arms and hugging him fiercely. Sirius could have sworn he saw tears behind those ridiculous thick glasses of his. “It isn’t your time, you daft mutt. You’ve got to go back and protect Harry and Moony.”
Sirius pulled back to look at James properly, realization finally hitting him. “Wait, am I dead?”
Lily shook her head, coming to stand beside James once more. He put his arm around her waist. “This is The In Between. We were told to come and meet you here and tell you to go back.”
“Back? You mean to the living world, right?” Sirius asked, feeling his head starting to spin. Had he died when he fell through the veil? Was it death that was on the other side? If this was what it was like to be dead, why did he still feel alive?
“Moony needs you.” James pressed, narrowing his brown eyes at Sirius. “He’s been a wreck since you fell through.”
“How do I get back?”
“Close your eyes,” Lily instructed, smiling softly. “Tell yourself that you need to go back. You still have the ability to leave this place.”
Sirius looked at them both, his lips falling into a frown. “I’ll see you again, sometime.”
James clapped him on the shoulder, smiling crookedly just like he had when they were boys. He still had that mischievous spark in his eyes. “See you soon, Padfoot.”
Sirius smiled, gripping James’s hand as the other stepped back. He let his best friend’s fingers slip through his grasp before taking a breath and letting his eyes close.
~ * ~ *
It was a strange sort of victory. The prophet hadn’t printed anything about it, since the world had much more pressing matters to concern itself with than Sirius Black’s innocence. Peter had been found in the Ministry and was quickly identified. The Ministry Officers had then questioned members of the Order and Dumbledore had explained everything in a way that cleared Sirius’s name. He had died a free man. This didn’t bring any comfort to Remus.
He spent his days curled up in his bed back at his parent’s house in the middle of nowhere. He wound up opening up the old box of Sirius’s belongings, decorating his bedroom in them and sleeping with his shirts. The scent calmed him. Tonks and the others often tried to encourage him to come out of his house and join them for the Order meetings, but none of them could convince him to leave the old house. He wanted to remain here, locked in this house with only his memories of Sirius and nothing else, cut off from the outside world-but the outside world had better ideas.
One morning a couple of weeks after Sirius’s death a large, puffy owl knocked at his kitchen window, demanding entrance to his home. Remus had been drinking tea at the kitchen table at the time. He sent the bird a nasty look from over the top of his mug. The bird persisted, knocking its beak against the glass until Remus was almost sure that it would break. Heaving an aggravated sigh, Remus got to his feet and thrust the window open. The ridiculous looking bird presented its leg where a note had been tied and Remus tore it almost viciously away. He uncurled the note and read it over several times to make sure that the words hadn’t magically changed on him. Then, with energy he hadn’t displayed in months he flew off to retrieve his cloak from the coat rack by the door before Apparating on the spot. The owl descended on his left overs, helping itself to some sausage.
~ * ~ *
Room 506
S. Black
Remus stared at the sign for a moment, resting his head against the wood and gathering his breath. He willed his body to behave, to stop shaking. When he felt his heart rate return to normal he put his hand on the door knob and turned it, pushing and stepping inside the tiny room.
Sirius lay on the bed, looking exactly as he had the last time Remus had laid eyes upon him. He had no physical damage, his skin tint appeared to be normal, his chest was moving as it should-he appeared to just be asleep. Remus cautiously took a few steps closer until he was beside the bed. He held his breath and sat down, the movement causing Sirius to shift in his sleep. Remus allowed himself to smile as he reached out and brushed a hand through the other man’s hair.
Slowly, Sirius’s eyes flickered open and focused on Remus. The corners of his lips curled up into a smile. “I promised you it would never end, Moony.”
Remus smiled back easily, silent tears falling from his eyes. “I know.”
Sirius sat up and embraced him. He wanted to tell Remus not to cry, it had always bothered him when people cried around him. Sirius wasn’t one to break down in front of others or even by himself for that matter. He could count the amount of times he had cried on one hand. A Black never cries. It had been drilled into his mind at an early age and he supposed it had subconsciously stuck with him even though he fought so hard to forget everything else that his parents had used to brainwash him.
“I thought you were dead…” Remus whispered, the words nearly catching in his throat. Sirius held him closer, guiding his head to his shoulder where Remus proceeded to bury his face into the junction between Sirius’s neck and shoulder. The werewolf sniffled loudly, his hands curling into the scratchy fabric of Sirius’s hospital gown. “I-I really thought…”
“I’m not,” Sirius comforted, rubbing soothing circles into Remus’s back. He felt thinner than he had the last time Sirius had held him. Even through the thick sweater he was wearing, Sirius could feel the knobs of Remus’s spine sticking out prominently with the arch of his back. “I could never leave you, Remus. I had to find my way back.”
Remus gave another audible snuffle and pulled back, staring into Sirius’s eyes, his own questioning. “What exactly happened? The letter I received wasn’t very detailed.”
Sirius had to think about this for a moment. “You know, I’m not really too clear on the subject myself.” He admitted, frowning thoughtfully. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what had happened, the events replaying in his mind slowly so that he could walk Remus through. “I was falling, but it wasn’t very fast. It was more like drifting downward. It seemed like forever. It was completely white except for these little orbs of light, they were following me. When I reached the bottom, James and Lily were waiting for me.”
Remus’s chocolate eyes went wide, eyebrows shooting up into his hairline in surprise. “You saw James and Lily?”
Sirius smirked at him, his heart racing in his chest as his entire being seemed to light up. He felt very boyish at that moment, thinking about seeing James again. “It was brilliant, Moony! I got to talk to them too. They told me it wasn’t my time and that I had to get back to you and Harry. Lily told me to close my eyes and think about coming back and then everything faded. I could see through the other side of the veil and I reached out and grabbed onto the archway to pull myself through. I guess that took all of the energy outta me cause the next time I opened my eyes I was here. They told me that some Ministry workers found me and informed Dumbledore-apparently he got me a pardon and was able to convince everyone I was innocent?”
Remus decided to spare Sirius the details of what happened the night he disappeared in the Ministry. He could bring him up to speed later and explain about Peter. Instead he simply nodded. “You’re a free man.”
A giant weight was lifted from Sirius’s chest and he felt himself smiling a genuine smile for the first time since he had been taken away to Azkaban. Free. He no longer needed to be on the run. He lunged forward and grasped Remus’s hands in his own, laughing happily. “Do you know what this means, Moony? We can buy a place of our own and live a normal life! We won’t have to stay in Grimmauld Place. We can have a flat just like me used to. We can live together again!”
It would be like it was before the war escalated, back when they were nothing but 20 year olds, fighting a battle that was far too big for them to be fighting. Remus would tend to the house chores and Sirius would leave messes for him to clean up. Sirius would try and cook dinner and fail miserably, setting the kitchen on fire a few times, but Remus would still eat his charred food with a smile on his face. They wouldn’t have to worry about being too loud during sex and afterward they would lie together in each other’s arms, breathing in tandem. They could curl up on the couch and watch bad movies while eating Muggle popcorn and drinking beers.
Not everything would be as it used to be though because now Sirius had Harry to look after. Harry would come and live with them during the summers when he wasn’t at school. He could come and visit for Christmas hols and they would have fantastic dinners together. Sirius and Remus would be like his adoptive fathers, the family that James and Lily wanted him to have if anything were to happen to them. Life would be as it should have been all those years ago.
Remus couldn’t have been happier to hear those words. A smile lit up his face and he leaned in, kissing Sirius on the lips for the first time in months. He didn’t taste particularly good, but that could be changed with some good food and a couple of mouth freshening charms. “I never liked living alone.”
“It’s settled then,” Sirius leaned back, lounging on the bed and smiling brilliantly. “Once I’m out of here, we’ll buy a house and live out the rest of our long lives together.”
Remus’s smile reached his eyes, causing the corners to crinkle slightly. He raised an imaginary glass and made a toast to the both of them. “Long live us.”
Sirius raised his glass in return, his voice coming out in a barking laugh. “Long live.”
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: M
Warnings: sex and angst
Summary: A look back on the lives of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black focusing on how hard they fought to continue living and always find their way back to one another.
A/N: Loosely based off of the song "Long Live" by Taylor Swift and a beautiful piece of fanart I found over on the R/S community. I wish I had the link to it, but sadly I don't!
Remember this moment. Remus made a mental note in the back of his mind as Sirius pressed his back against the dorm room wall, their bodies flush together. Their lips met in a passionate kiss-one that had been long practiced. During all of their years together they perfected every sort of kiss and knew when to apply each one. Tonight was their last day at Hogwarts, just before their final farewell feast. Tomorrow they would take the train back to London, saying farewell to Hogwarts maybe forever.
Remus’s hands slipped into Sirius’s long, black hair, tugging at it softly. He opened his mouth, allowing Sirius access and giving him an opportunity to slide his tongue inside to mingle with Remus’s own. Seven years. They had arrived as nothing but mere boys, strangers to one another. Remus would have never thought that inside of these walls he would meet the three boys who would change his life forever. He had absolutely no clue that he would make his first friends here, nor that he would fall in love. He had come here as nothing more than a scared, lonely, secretive werewolf. He was leaving as a confident, loved, friend to many. He was a mature adult now and he no longer needed to be so secretive-at least not now that he had found lifelong friends.
“Sirius,” he panted, turning his head to get away from Sirius’s talented mouth. “We’re going to miss the feast.”
Sirius seemed to not have heard him. He was far too distracted by the smooth, creamy skin of Remus’s neck. He licked a stripe up to Remus’s ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth and tugging on it. Remus let out a low moan. “Ah, my dear Moony, you don’t really think I’d allow that to happen, do you?” Sirius breathed a puff of hot air into Remus’s ear, causing the other boy to shudder. “Besides, we’re having a little feast of our own right now.”
Remus felt Sirius’s hands expertly undoing his trousers and the next second he knew he was standing bare arsed with Sirius kneeling down in front of him. A wet tongue licked at the tip of his cock and Sirius took Remus’s balls into his hand, fondling them as he bathed his member. He licked up the underside, pressing lightly against the heavy vein there and causing Remus to cry out softly.
This is the last time.
Never again would they be doing this in this room.
Remus forced his eyes open, wanting to take in the sight of the dorm room he had come to call home over the past seven years. The trunks were all packed full of everyone’s things, waiting for them at the foot of each bed. The posters of the Muggle girls and Quidditch teams had been taken off the walls. The charmed notes on the bathroom mirror had been erased. All of their belongings had been cleared out of the secret hiding spots they had created over the years. The map had been taken-it had been James’s idea to leave it behind for future trouble makers to find-confiscated by Filch. The invisibility cloak and one of the two-way mirrors was packed away in James’s trunk, the other in Sirius’s. The room seemed so bare. It was hard to believe that this room had held so many memories; nights of planning pranks, playing games, learning complicated spells. All of the years that his friends had spent figuring out how to become Animagi had been spent inside of these four walls. Sirius had first transformed into Padfoot in this very room. Remus felt his heart clench. He owed so much to Hogwarts, Dumbledore, and his friends.
“Promise me it’ll never end.”
Sirius raised his head, grey eyes looking worriedly up into molten brown. Remus knew he was searching for a sign of discomfort, but there wasn’t any to be found. Sirius smiled easily and nodded. “You’ll come back and live with me, won’t you? You won’t have to pay me a thing.”
Remus could only nod, feeling his chest tightening. He would have a new home in the flat Sirius owned in London. They would live together. Remus knew he couldn’t wake up with Sirius not beside him each and every day, they had grown too close.
“Good.”
With that, Sirius went back to giving Remus the last blowjob he would ever receive in Hogwarts, and soon after that they joined the others for the end of term feast.
~ * ~ *
“Do we really need all of these books?” Sirius had asked him. “I’m starting to get the impression that you only own so many books to make yourself look smart. Why else would you want to keep these things around?”
Remus felt his throat constrict as he sealed up the final box. “Finally finished.”
Wonderful. Now he was talking to himself. His life had only fallen apart a month ago and already he was going mental.
He lifted his head to look around the flat, trying to only see what he wanted to see. It was still too difficult. Why did he think he would be able to do this? Naturally, no one had offered to help him. They were all too busy celebrating the defeat of the Dark Lord. Didn’t they know that everything in Remus’s life had been ripped from him on that very day? It seemed that one moment he had had everything; friends, a home, and a comfortable relationship with Sirius. Things had gone downhill far too quickly and Remus still felt like he was still falling even though he knew that he had already hit the bottom.
He didn’t have time to dwell on this. He had to pack his things and get going.
What about his things? Asked the tiny voice in the back of his mind. What are you going to do with those?
Sirius’s belongings were still scattered throughout the flat. His clothes littered the bedroom, his hair products still sat in the shower, his boots remained by the door, an unopened pack of his favorite brand of cigarette still lay on the kitchen counter.
No. That’s not what I came for. I don’t need to.
Still, Remus found that he couldn’t help himself. It was stupid, really. He should hate Sirius for all of this, yet he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything for the man right now-well, except for betrayal. His body moved on its own accord, refusing to listen to his brain any longer. He cleaned up the flat, packing away Sirius’s things in boxes and labeling them accordingly. He should have burned them. He should have been furious as he worked. Instead, he acted like a soulless drone. He felt nothing as he folded Sirius’s shirts and neatly tucked them inside of a packing box. They would come with him to his parent’s old house. He could keep them in his closet, just in case.
Just in case what? Just in case he comes back?
Remus knew Sirius wasn’t coming back. He was in Azkaban, probably for the rest of his life, if it hadn’t already ended (no, if it had ended the Prophet would have said something). Remus would never see him again. His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he felt a burning sensation behind his eyes.
Even if Sirius got out of Azkaban, what would happen? Remus could never forgive him for what he did. It was his fault that Remus had lost everything. It was his fault that all of Remus’s friends had died in one fell swoop. It was his fault that Remus was being forced to leave the flat and return to the house he inherited from his parents out in the middle of nowhere. It was his fault that Remus would live a life of poverty and solitude once more.
Yet Remus found he still loved him.
“How fucked up am I?” he wondered aloud, standing and clenching his eyes shut. The room smelled of Sirius’s cologne.
He left the flat with all of the boxes in tow and sorted them out once he got to his new home. Sirius’s belongings were put in his bedroom closet to never be looked at again--except on nights where he felt he just couldn’t keep himself away. Those nights when he just needed to hold Sirius’s shirts close to his chest and inhale his scent just one more time.
Just this one last time…
~ * ~ *
Sometimes, he swore he could hear howling from inside of his cell on the nights when he watched the full moon. He knew he was slowly losing his mind. There were no wolves anywhere nearby. Sirius wasn’t stupid enough to believe there were, but he couldn’t help himself.
Every month he would stare up into the sky and watch the moon rise through the bars on his cell window. He counted them in his mind. He never lost count. There wasn’t a moment when Sirius didn’t think about Remus, but he thought about him even more on full moon nights. Was he alright? Did he have a safe place to transform? Was he ripping himself to shreds? Was he even still alive? Who would come and find him in the morning? Who would tend to his wounds when he was healing? Those had all been things Sirius was made to help with. Padfoot had been created for the full moon, and he longed to be with Moony every month. The animal inside of him pulled at him, yearning to be set free. Sometimes Sirius would obey. He would sit in his cell as a dog, keeping very silent, thankful that the Dementors couldn’t take anything important from him when he was Padfoot. Dogs didn’t have the same emotions that humans did. This was the only way Sirius was able to keep what was left of his sanity.
There was no way Remus knew the truth. He would believe what he had been told by the members of the Order and the writers of the Prophet. No one knew the truth. No one believed him. At first, this had crushed him. If no one believed then there was no hope. But, for some reason, Sirius wouldn’t give up the fight. He was too stubborn to die. He needed to get out and find Remus. He had to tell him the truth. Remus needed to know, he needed to believe. It wouldn’t matter if no one else believed him, just so long as Remus knew.
The moonlight shone down on him from above and Sirius let his head fall back against the cold stone of his cell. He would watch until it sank below his window, until the sun rose and Remus changed back. Then Sirius would prey silently that Remus survived yet another full moon without him.
~ * ~ *
A wave crashed over him, causing seawater to flood his mouth, some of it escaping down his throat. He coughed as best he could and clamped his muzzle shut. Padfoot’s mighty paws were perfect for swimming this distance-Sirius was so brilliant for coming up with this plan. He really hadn’t been sure it would work, and he had to skip a lot of meals in order to slide through the bars of his cell, but he had eventually made it to freedom, if you could call swimming aimlessly through the sea freedom. To a prisoner it was heaven.
Someone must have been looking out for him that day. His plan had gone through without a hitch and he had enough strength to get himself to shore. The constant thought of revenge helped to push him along. Whenever he felt like giving up, Sirius remembered that Peter was out there, headed to Hogwarts where Harry was. His Godson was in danger and there was no way in hell Sirius was going to sit and rot in a prison cell while Harry’s life was at stake. Peter had set out to finish what he started and Sirius would put a stop to it. Maybe he would even get a chance to meet Harry again. If he caught Peter and exposed him for the rat he was, then maybe he would be a free man. He could become Harry’s guardian again and live with him. Perhaps he would find Remus later down the line and try and give what they had another shot, once he knew the truth. That is, if Remus hadn’t moved on with his life and found someone else. Sirius didn’t want to think about that right now.
He pulled himself out of the water, shaking off and looking around to get his bearings. Now, which way to Hogwarts?
~ * ~ *
It was Peter. It had been Peter all along. Remus felt a great wave of relief wash over him. Sirius wasn’t a murderer. He had been wrongly imprisoned. He had suffered for years because of a terrible crime Peter had committed.
Peter had betrayed them all. He had sold James and Lily to Voldemort. He had been feeding the Death Eaters information about the Order. He allowed Voldemort to attack Harry and destroy all of their lives that night. Remus could never forgive him for that.
He looked down at the floor at Sirius, smirked, and extended his hand. Sirius grasped it and Remus pulled him to his feet. He heard Hermione yelling at him from across the room, saying that she had trusted him, but Remus couldn’t be bothered with her right now. He pulled Sirius into a tight hug, feeling his wasted body up against his own. Sirius felt so small now, so weak. His tangled hair fell down to his elbows and his stench was unbearable. His face was so skeletal, skin stretched tight over his bones and eyes sunken in gravely. Yet still there was a spark of the old Sirius within those eyes.
“I thought I’d lost you.” Sirius whispered, sounding so broken and lost. Remus wanted to never let go.
“You’ll never lose me.” Remus replied, looking Sirius in the eyes and smiling confidently. “Never.”
~ * ~ *
When Remus was away Sirius worried constantly. He spent most of his time locked in his mother’s bedroom with Buckbeak, preferring his company to that of the Weasley’s. Molly would bitch at him for not spending time with everyone else, but if he came down there then she would be on his arse about something else. She knit picked every little thing and it drove Sirius mad. So, instead of mingling with the rest of the occupants of the house Sirius leaned against Buckbeak and drank heavily from a bottle of Firewhisky. Several empty bottles were already scattered around him and in his hand he clutched Remus’s latest letter.
Remus had been sent on another mission with the werewolves. Dumbledore had given him orders to try and live amongst them to learn whose side they were on. If they were leaning toward Voldemort’s side then Remus was to do his best to get them to come over to the Order’s side. It seemed that the werewolves were pretty neutral as of now.
Remus never said in his letters if he was in any danger. He only informed Sirius that the mission was going well and that he would send another owl with the date of his descent to back to Grimmauld Place. Sirius knew that even if he asked Remus how he was, the lycanthrope was likely to lie. Remus didn’t want Sirius worrying about him, but Sirius couldn’t help it. Remus was out in the wilderness with a bunch of werewolves who didn’t trust him. How was he supposed to be content with that? Those wolves could turn on Remus at any moment or take advantage of him during the full moon. Moony wasn’t used to being around other wolves-he was outnumbered. He didn’t have Padfoot with him during the months that Remus was away in-where ever he was.
Once again, Sirius was rendered useless. He took another swig from the bottle of Firewhisky and leaned his head back against Buckbeak some more, staring up at the peeling paint on the ceiling. The room smelled like Hippogriff shit, but Sirius had grown used to it. He had bolted himself up in here for so many weeks now that the smell was almost comforting.
“Three more days,” he spoke. Buckbeak nuzzled his cheek with his beak, making a happy clicking noise. Sirius reached out to stroke the side of Buckbeak’s feathered face. “Three more days and then Remus will be back.”
~ * ~ *
Bony, callused fingers traced over the freshest scars on Remus’s chest and shoulders and Sirius stared up at Remus. Remus tipped his head down and their eyes locked.
I’ll heal these. Sirius’s eyes seemed to say. Remus just nodded and went back to trying to find the appropriate angle. Sirius’s fingers dug into his hips, holding him there but helping with his movements. It hurt when their hips met, the two of them were far too thin. Remus had worked on feeding Sirius and he had gained enough weight so that he didn’t look too skeletal anymore. Still, it would be a while before Sirius was back to the weight he had been before Azkaban.
Sirius’s cock hit that bundle of nerves within Remus that caused the werewolf to cry out in pleasure, earning a cocky grin from Sirius. It was amazing that he could still get it up after all he had gone through. Now, not only could he get an erection just from the mere thought of Remus doing anything even remotely sexual, but he could also pleasure the werewolf in much the same way he had done when they were younger. He angled himself to hit Remus’s prostate once again.
Remus closed his eyes as he released another moan, pushing back against Sirius’s cock with vigor. He stretched up like a cat, catching Sirius’s mouth with his own and kissing him heatedly. His hands went up to tangle themselves in Sirius’s freshly groomed hair, the smell of Sirius’s shampoo wafting through the air. Remus inhaled heavily and licked at Sirius’s bottom lip before biting it, his eyes snapping open.
“A-Ah!” Sirius cried out, grey eyes meeting the golden eyes of the wolf above him. It was very close to the full moon and the wolf was stirring. The brown in Remus’s eyes receded, giving way to the gold eyes of the wolf. A growl filled the air and Sirius met it with one of his own. This was how they played when the moon was tugging at Remus’s bones, making his skin prickle from its approach.
Remus released Sirius’s lip, his own upper lip curling to show off his teeth. Remus always had rather sharp eye teeth, but Sirius supposed that was due to his lycanthropy. Still, he did look rather threatening like this, but Sirius knew he had nothing to fear. He tipped his head back and exposed his neck, knowing exactly what Remus wanted. Remus dove forward, opened his mouth, and bit down on Sirius’s neck, pressing his teeth into the flesh just lightly. Moony did this to Padfoot when they mated under the moon and so Sirius had gotten used to it. It was the wolf’s way of claiming his mate, showing him who was boss.
Remus growled once again, a low rumble in his chest. He held on as their hips continued to move until he could stand it no longer. He felt his balls tighten and he released Sirius’s neck with a gasp, eyes flashing back to their natural brown. “S-Sirius!”
“I’m here.” Sirius answered quickly, wrapping his arms around Remus as the other thrust forward and spilled his seed between them with a mighty cry. Sirius shivered and pressed their mouths together once more, his own release washing over him seconds later.
They stayed tangled together on top of the sheets, panting in tandem and allowing their cold, wet skin to dry. Remus moved to rest his head on Sirius’s shoulder, tongue coming out to bathe the spot where he had bitten. A nasty purple mark was left on Sirius’s neck and he would have to wear high collared robes for a few days in order to hide it from the others.
“I’m sorry. I got carried away again.”
Sirius shook his head, black hair fanning out over the pillow behind him. “You think I mind? You marked me, Moony.”
Remus rolled off of Sirius and reached for his wand, smiling as he cast a few cleansing spells over them both. He then set his wand aside and sprawled out beside Sirius, who turned on his side to face him. Their arms both went around each other, noses nearly touching. “Well, you are my mate.”
Sirius knew very well that wolves mate for life.
~ * ~ *
He had begged him not to come, pleaded with him for as long as he could, but Remus knew he stood no chance of winning this kind of argument with Sirius. Not when his Godson was in danger. The reckless behavior that shone through so brightly when they were boys was brought back with vigor and Sirius dove into the battle along with the rest of the Order, despite lacking the dueling skills the others possessed. Years of being locked up in Azkaban had slowed him a bit, but once the curses were flying by it all came back in a flash.
Remus wished that he could have stayed at his side to help him, but he was a bit preoccupied keeping his former students safe from harm and trying to save his own skin. Every chance he got, he glanced Sirius’s way, seeing him fighting beside Harry and praising him. It made his heart race. They were both in danger and his hands were tied.
A curse flew past him, just inches from his face. It left a horizontal slash in his cheek and brought him back to the current moment. Remus had to defend himself, he couldn’t be focused on Sirius right now-but looking back on it, he really wished he had paid more attention. He heard Harry shout something, the sound of Bellatrix’s cackling laughter filling the circular room, and Remus spun around on the spot just in time to see Sirius falling backward through the veil.
Time seemed to slow. Remus’s lungs stopped functioning, yet his brain continued to think. His feet carried him to Harry, who had made a mad dash for the veil as if preparing himself to jump through. Something in Remus told him to restrain Harry, to keep him away from that thing. Harry continued to fight him, screaming and trying to break free, cursing at Bellatrix until at last he managed to get free. He chased after her and Remus found that his legs would no longer cooperate with him. He stood watching the curtain of the veil flutter, silently wondering what would happen next. Sirius would fall through the other side, wouldn’t he? It hadn’t been too long.
Another curse flew his way and he was able to defend himself in time. He was kept away from the veil due to the battle. He wanted nothing more than to rush to that curtain and-what would he do? Reach inside? He had no idea what it was or where it had taken Sirius, or even if Sirius was still alive.
He’s not dead. He can’t be dead.
Suddenly, there was more pandemonium. Voldemort was there, the others were shouting. Harry needed protecting and they had to head to the main atrium. That was when Remus noticed that someone else had appeared among the Death Eaters-Peter Pettigrew.
Something inside of him snapped. He forgot completely about Sirius and Harry and threw himself into attacking Peter. The other man did his best to defend himself, but Remus was the better duelist. He had him disarmed in a matter of minutes, contemplating the best way to kill him. Finally, he decided the quickest way would be to go with a slashing spell to the neck and he raised his wand, preparing to do the deed. His eyes met Peter’s-and then his arm was by his side again. He couldn’t kill this man, even after all of the lives he had destroyed. Remus wasn’t a murderer, not even in times of war. “Allowing you to die would be too gracious of me. No, I think you deserve a much worse punishment for what you’ve done to James and Lily, Harry, and Sirius and I.”
Ropes shot out of the end of Remus’s wand, winding around Peter and binding and gagging him tightly. The Ministry would be left to find him and Sirius’s name would be cleared. When he returned from the other side of the veil he would be a free man.
Remus took his eyes off Peter and stepped up to the veil, watching it sway in the breezeless room. His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he raised his hand, bringing his fingertips inches from the fluttering black curtain. What was taking Sirius so long? Shouldn’t he have appeared by now? A sense of dread was beginning to fill Remus up and his eyes began to burn. His vision was blurred by tears and his arm fell limply to his side, heart aching.
“Come back to me…”
~ * ~ *
He had been falling forever, yet he hadn’t hit the bottom yet, if there even was a bottom. Sirius squinted and looked below him, but still he could locate no bottom to this endless sky he seemed to be falling from. He wasn’t dropping-that would have required a lot more speed. Instead he was just falling gently, the way he had when the veil had taken him in the first place.
Tiny golden orbs of light surrounded him, circling him as he fell. Each had a voice and they would whisper things to him, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. Some of them felt familiar, like he been in their presence before, but that was completely ridiculous.
Then, as abruptly as it had started, it stopped. His feet touched down on solid ground, though when he looked down all he could see was white. Everything around him was white except for the orbs which were floating up above his head. He continued to watch them in a sort of daze.
“Padfoot?”
His head snapped straight forward and his heart jolted in his chest. James and Lily were standing before him, looking as alive as they had the last day he had seen them. “Prongs? Lily? But-how?”
“You shouldn’t be here,” Lily started, moving closer to him.
“Damnit, Padfoot.” James cursed, taking his best friend into his arms and hugging him fiercely. Sirius could have sworn he saw tears behind those ridiculous thick glasses of his. “It isn’t your time, you daft mutt. You’ve got to go back and protect Harry and Moony.”
Sirius pulled back to look at James properly, realization finally hitting him. “Wait, am I dead?”
Lily shook her head, coming to stand beside James once more. He put his arm around her waist. “This is The In Between. We were told to come and meet you here and tell you to go back.”
“Back? You mean to the living world, right?” Sirius asked, feeling his head starting to spin. Had he died when he fell through the veil? Was it death that was on the other side? If this was what it was like to be dead, why did he still feel alive?
“Moony needs you.” James pressed, narrowing his brown eyes at Sirius. “He’s been a wreck since you fell through.”
“How do I get back?”
“Close your eyes,” Lily instructed, smiling softly. “Tell yourself that you need to go back. You still have the ability to leave this place.”
Sirius looked at them both, his lips falling into a frown. “I’ll see you again, sometime.”
James clapped him on the shoulder, smiling crookedly just like he had when they were boys. He still had that mischievous spark in his eyes. “See you soon, Padfoot.”
Sirius smiled, gripping James’s hand as the other stepped back. He let his best friend’s fingers slip through his grasp before taking a breath and letting his eyes close.
~ * ~ *
It was a strange sort of victory. The prophet hadn’t printed anything about it, since the world had much more pressing matters to concern itself with than Sirius Black’s innocence. Peter had been found in the Ministry and was quickly identified. The Ministry Officers had then questioned members of the Order and Dumbledore had explained everything in a way that cleared Sirius’s name. He had died a free man. This didn’t bring any comfort to Remus.
He spent his days curled up in his bed back at his parent’s house in the middle of nowhere. He wound up opening up the old box of Sirius’s belongings, decorating his bedroom in them and sleeping with his shirts. The scent calmed him. Tonks and the others often tried to encourage him to come out of his house and join them for the Order meetings, but none of them could convince him to leave the old house. He wanted to remain here, locked in this house with only his memories of Sirius and nothing else, cut off from the outside world-but the outside world had better ideas.
One morning a couple of weeks after Sirius’s death a large, puffy owl knocked at his kitchen window, demanding entrance to his home. Remus had been drinking tea at the kitchen table at the time. He sent the bird a nasty look from over the top of his mug. The bird persisted, knocking its beak against the glass until Remus was almost sure that it would break. Heaving an aggravated sigh, Remus got to his feet and thrust the window open. The ridiculous looking bird presented its leg where a note had been tied and Remus tore it almost viciously away. He uncurled the note and read it over several times to make sure that the words hadn’t magically changed on him. Then, with energy he hadn’t displayed in months he flew off to retrieve his cloak from the coat rack by the door before Apparating on the spot. The owl descended on his left overs, helping itself to some sausage.
~ * ~ *
Room 506
S. Black
Remus stared at the sign for a moment, resting his head against the wood and gathering his breath. He willed his body to behave, to stop shaking. When he felt his heart rate return to normal he put his hand on the door knob and turned it, pushing and stepping inside the tiny room.
Sirius lay on the bed, looking exactly as he had the last time Remus had laid eyes upon him. He had no physical damage, his skin tint appeared to be normal, his chest was moving as it should-he appeared to just be asleep. Remus cautiously took a few steps closer until he was beside the bed. He held his breath and sat down, the movement causing Sirius to shift in his sleep. Remus allowed himself to smile as he reached out and brushed a hand through the other man’s hair.
Slowly, Sirius’s eyes flickered open and focused on Remus. The corners of his lips curled up into a smile. “I promised you it would never end, Moony.”
Remus smiled back easily, silent tears falling from his eyes. “I know.”
Sirius sat up and embraced him. He wanted to tell Remus not to cry, it had always bothered him when people cried around him. Sirius wasn’t one to break down in front of others or even by himself for that matter. He could count the amount of times he had cried on one hand. A Black never cries. It had been drilled into his mind at an early age and he supposed it had subconsciously stuck with him even though he fought so hard to forget everything else that his parents had used to brainwash him.
“I thought you were dead…” Remus whispered, the words nearly catching in his throat. Sirius held him closer, guiding his head to his shoulder where Remus proceeded to bury his face into the junction between Sirius’s neck and shoulder. The werewolf sniffled loudly, his hands curling into the scratchy fabric of Sirius’s hospital gown. “I-I really thought…”
“I’m not,” Sirius comforted, rubbing soothing circles into Remus’s back. He felt thinner than he had the last time Sirius had held him. Even through the thick sweater he was wearing, Sirius could feel the knobs of Remus’s spine sticking out prominently with the arch of his back. “I could never leave you, Remus. I had to find my way back.”
Remus gave another audible snuffle and pulled back, staring into Sirius’s eyes, his own questioning. “What exactly happened? The letter I received wasn’t very detailed.”
Sirius had to think about this for a moment. “You know, I’m not really too clear on the subject myself.” He admitted, frowning thoughtfully. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what had happened, the events replaying in his mind slowly so that he could walk Remus through. “I was falling, but it wasn’t very fast. It was more like drifting downward. It seemed like forever. It was completely white except for these little orbs of light, they were following me. When I reached the bottom, James and Lily were waiting for me.”
Remus’s chocolate eyes went wide, eyebrows shooting up into his hairline in surprise. “You saw James and Lily?”
Sirius smirked at him, his heart racing in his chest as his entire being seemed to light up. He felt very boyish at that moment, thinking about seeing James again. “It was brilliant, Moony! I got to talk to them too. They told me it wasn’t my time and that I had to get back to you and Harry. Lily told me to close my eyes and think about coming back and then everything faded. I could see through the other side of the veil and I reached out and grabbed onto the archway to pull myself through. I guess that took all of the energy outta me cause the next time I opened my eyes I was here. They told me that some Ministry workers found me and informed Dumbledore-apparently he got me a pardon and was able to convince everyone I was innocent?”
Remus decided to spare Sirius the details of what happened the night he disappeared in the Ministry. He could bring him up to speed later and explain about Peter. Instead he simply nodded. “You’re a free man.”
A giant weight was lifted from Sirius’s chest and he felt himself smiling a genuine smile for the first time since he had been taken away to Azkaban. Free. He no longer needed to be on the run. He lunged forward and grasped Remus’s hands in his own, laughing happily. “Do you know what this means, Moony? We can buy a place of our own and live a normal life! We won’t have to stay in Grimmauld Place. We can have a flat just like me used to. We can live together again!”
It would be like it was before the war escalated, back when they were nothing but 20 year olds, fighting a battle that was far too big for them to be fighting. Remus would tend to the house chores and Sirius would leave messes for him to clean up. Sirius would try and cook dinner and fail miserably, setting the kitchen on fire a few times, but Remus would still eat his charred food with a smile on his face. They wouldn’t have to worry about being too loud during sex and afterward they would lie together in each other’s arms, breathing in tandem. They could curl up on the couch and watch bad movies while eating Muggle popcorn and drinking beers.
Not everything would be as it used to be though because now Sirius had Harry to look after. Harry would come and live with them during the summers when he wasn’t at school. He could come and visit for Christmas hols and they would have fantastic dinners together. Sirius and Remus would be like his adoptive fathers, the family that James and Lily wanted him to have if anything were to happen to them. Life would be as it should have been all those years ago.
Remus couldn’t have been happier to hear those words. A smile lit up his face and he leaned in, kissing Sirius on the lips for the first time in months. He didn’t taste particularly good, but that could be changed with some good food and a couple of mouth freshening charms. “I never liked living alone.”
“It’s settled then,” Sirius leaned back, lounging on the bed and smiling brilliantly. “Once I’m out of here, we’ll buy a house and live out the rest of our long lives together.”
Remus’s smile reached his eyes, causing the corners to crinkle slightly. He raised an imaginary glass and made a toast to the both of them. “Long live us.”
Sirius raised his glass in return, his voice coming out in a barking laugh. “Long live.”