(no subject)
I could say that my 4th of July was eventful but, well... it was something like that. Though more along the lines of peaceful.
There's still a feeling of distance between Shane and me but we did make steps last night. We basically spent the day at home, being quiet around each other. By evening I mustered up enough courage to attempt to speak with him. It wasn't too bad. I just didn't know what to say to him, as strange as it may sound. But when you take into consideration all that we've been through in the past couple of days it really isn't all that strange.
We cuddled and kissed each other, moving at a slow pace. I was making a conscious effort to be gentle with him. At some point I began wanting him, wishing I could take things further, but I knew that wasn't possible. He sure as hell wasn't ready and I know that I was too scared to make any kind of advances towards him. So I just brought him over to the living room couch so we could lie down and snuggle, while searching for crappy television programming. I don't recall finding any crappy shows but we did somehow manage to get into a debate over who was the better Bond, since Shane mentioned watching Moonraker earlier. Sounded like something right out of a tv show if you ask me. ;)
Everything felt right again at that point. I truly began to believe that we would be able to get through this. After a while we both fell asleep on the couch fixated in our snuggling position. It left me with a sore neck by morning but I didn't care. However, not having an alarm clock nearby did cause a bit of a problem for me since I was almost late for my flight. Despite it being a holiday weekend there's still that job to do.
Our usual farewell routine consists of a long kiss and hug goodbye as if we'll never see each other again, even though it's only a few days of being apart. This time it felt almost bittersweet for me. I treated him like a delicate piece of china, giving simple, tender kisses. I was more concerned with holding him, and with my hand caressing his back this sadness overwhelmed me. Not the typical sadness, either. Remorsefulness. This isn't going to be easy for me.
I do wish that we could have done more together before I had to leave but those days will have to wait for a little while. I have to keep telling myself one day at a time. So, I'm intent on focusing on my schedule and keeping myself busy with work. I'm almost afraid to ask Shane if I'd see him on Tuesday. Kind of silly, isn't it?
Other people turn around and laugh at you
If you said that these are the best days of our lives
There's still a feeling of distance between Shane and me but we did make steps last night. We basically spent the day at home, being quiet around each other. By evening I mustered up enough courage to attempt to speak with him. It wasn't too bad. I just didn't know what to say to him, as strange as it may sound. But when you take into consideration all that we've been through in the past couple of days it really isn't all that strange.
We cuddled and kissed each other, moving at a slow pace. I was making a conscious effort to be gentle with him. At some point I began wanting him, wishing I could take things further, but I knew that wasn't possible. He sure as hell wasn't ready and I know that I was too scared to make any kind of advances towards him. So I just brought him over to the living room couch so we could lie down and snuggle, while searching for crappy television programming. I don't recall finding any crappy shows but we did somehow manage to get into a debate over who was the better Bond, since Shane mentioned watching Moonraker earlier. Sounded like something right out of a tv show if you ask me. ;)
Everything felt right again at that point. I truly began to believe that we would be able to get through this. After a while we both fell asleep on the couch fixated in our snuggling position. It left me with a sore neck by morning but I didn't care. However, not having an alarm clock nearby did cause a bit of a problem for me since I was almost late for my flight. Despite it being a holiday weekend there's still that job to do.
Our usual farewell routine consists of a long kiss and hug goodbye as if we'll never see each other again, even though it's only a few days of being apart. This time it felt almost bittersweet for me. I treated him like a delicate piece of china, giving simple, tender kisses. I was more concerned with holding him, and with my hand caressing his back this sadness overwhelmed me. Not the typical sadness, either. Remorsefulness. This isn't going to be easy for me.
I do wish that we could have done more together before I had to leave but those days will have to wait for a little while. I have to keep telling myself one day at a time. So, I'm intent on focusing on my schedule and keeping myself busy with work. I'm almost afraid to ask Shane if I'd see him on Tuesday. Kind of silly, isn't it?
Other people turn around and laugh at you
If you said that these are the best days of our lives