50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 14 and 15
O HAI! Did you think we'd run away from the scene of the crime screaming? Well. We wish. But we haven't. To no one's surprise the next two chapters are A) excruciatingly boring and B) has bad sex and C) has next to nothing to do with a D/s relationship, which is odd considering that's supposed to be the point of this thing.
NSFW.
Christian is standing over me grasping a plaited, leather riding-crop. He’s wearing old, faded, ripped Levis and that’s all. He flicks the crop slowly into his palm as he gazes down at me. He’s smiling, triumphant. I cannot move. I am naked and shackled, spread-eagled on a large four-poster bed. Reaching forward, he trails the tip of the crop from my forehead down the length of my nose, so I can smell the leather, and over my parted, panting lips.
[...]
I put my head in my hands. I didn’t know I could dream sex. Was it something I ate?
(omg. was it something I ate. I CAN'T. *dying*)
Maya: So, Ana finally graduates and has her first every sex dream. Such wonderful life events!
Ing: I know those are the two milestones in life I appreciate the most
Maya: Apparently, she missed the fourth grade health class where they discussed wet dreams since she is shocked and amazed when she has one
Ing: I believe the phrase 'oh my' is used liberally and her inner goddess is humping something. Or doing striptease. It's hard to keep up.
Maya: And then we have the most unrealistic graduation ceremony ever which bugs the shit out of me with its inaccuracy.
Ing: LOL
Ing: yeah I figure she's just guessing based on the american tv shows she's seen
Maya: The real Washington State University goes by WSU and has 3,000 students, which translates to 7,000 per class. Whereas in this book, it goes by WSUV and only has 400 per class. I went to one of the smallest state schools in the country and there were 1,600 people in my class. And we sure as hell didn't have to sit through all of them getting their diplomas at the same time. We divided up by major. /nitpick. I'M SORRY, BUT LACK OF BASIC RESEARCH BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME
Ing: But she's watched American tv shows and movies! Rory graduates from Yale and there are only like 10 people in the frame! Beverly Hills 90210! DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES. DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES. She's an expert. HDU poke holes. But yes Christian holds the speech and we learn why he's so obsessed with food and the reason is laughable, like everything else
Maya: Apparently he was hungry as a toddler…hence the obsession with food?
Ing: And it makes her go all cooing about how he was huuungry once and omg he's had such a hard life. Poor billionaire.
"Over a billion people, mainly in Sub-Saharan Africa, South Asia, and Latin America, live in abject poverty. Agricultural dysfunction is rife within these parts of the world and the result is ecological and social destruction. I have known what it’s like to be profoundly hungry. This is a very personal journey for me… ”
My jaw falls to the floor. What? Christian was hungry once. Holy crap. Well, that explains a great deal. And I recall the interview; he really does want to feed the world. I desperately rack my brains to remember what Kate had written in her article. Adopted at age four, I think. I can’t imagine that Grace starved him, so it must have been before then, as a little boy. I swallow, my heart constricting at the thought of a hungry, gray-eyed toddler.
Oh no. What kind of life did he have before the Greys got hold of him and rescued him?
I’m seized by a sense of raw outrage, poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Christian
Ing: And then Christian gets all stupid jealous again because Ana dares to have male friends (this time Kate's brother) and Kate introduces Christian as Ana's boyfriend to her stepfather. Riveting stuff
Maya: And Ana finally decides to be Christian's sub and discuss the ~soft limits~ with him
“Next time you roll your eyes at me, I will take you across my knee.” What?!
“Oh,” I breathe, and I can see the excitement in his eyes.
“Oh,” he responds, mirroring my tone. “So it begins, Anastasia.” My heart slams against my chest, and the butterflies escape from my stomach into my constricting throat. Why is that hot?
(I love how the grammar makes it sound like she thinks butterflies in her constricting throat is hot. lolol)
Ing: And there's a lot of weird conversation in there. Mixed with a lot of gazing and inner goddess mentions and her subconscious hiding behind couches and her ~belly curling~.
OH. and he gets her drunk, telling her to drink cause it gives her courage. How very rapey of you, Mr. Grey. making someone drink until they can no longer say no. Not a jackass move at allll
“No, I don’t. Would you like another drink? It’s making you brave, and I need to know how you feel about pain.”
Maya: Yeah, and there's discussions of owning her ass and fisting and dildos. You know, standard stuff
Ing: And I don't get how all of this doesn't like...turn him off, cause she's so obviously uncomfortable with all of it. Like. she's basically terrified. And she's like 'anal sounds really scary' and he's like 'YOU'LL LIKE IT, IT'LL BE FUN'
“Anal intercourse doesn’t exactly float my boat.”
“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia. But we’ll wait for that. Besides, it’s not something we can dive into,” he smirks at me. “Your ass will need training.”
“Training?” I whisper.
Maya: Same with the caning and whipping and such.
She's like "I don't want to be caned" and he's like "YOU'LL LIKE IT. GET OVER IT."
Ing: OH AND THEN. He gives her a car. And forces her to accept it cause she's his sub now and that means accepting ridiculous gifts, apparently. OH AND THEN, after they've been going through all these D/s things they proceed TO HAVE SEX THAT IS....NOT AT ALL D/s. They're just having "regular" sex, you don't need a contract for this shit
Maya: He's like YAY YOU’RE MY SUB NOW HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME. WTF
I admire my handiwork and him. He really is a fine specimen of a man, looking at him is very, very arousing.
“Now. I want to be buried inside you,” he murmurs. I stare down at him, daunted, and he sits up suddenly, so we’re nose to nose.
“Like this,” he breathes, and he snakes one hand round my hips, lifting me slightly, and with the other he positions himself beneath me, and very slowly, eases me on to him.
I groan as he stretches me open, filling me, my mouth hanging open in surprise at the sweet, sublime, agonizing, over-full feeling. Oh… please.
“That’s right, baby, feel me, all of me,” he growls and briefly closes his eyes.
Ing: I was like, the fuck is going on. The first thing he tells her to do as his sub is to be dominant. I'm like, this seems...odd. And they're throwing around words like genital clamps and fisting and suspension, but what are they actually doing? well. They kiss. He tells her to undress him. She undresses him. She sucks him off for a bit. He tells her to put the condom on him. She does. He tells her to ride him. She does. then they come
Ing: and the D/s part of things come in....where exactly?
Maya And the dialogue. It's just so BAD
Ing: Beyond terrible. I can't even describe how bad it is. I mean, both the 'dirty talk' or whatever and the dialogue that is supposed to be natural like at the graduation and such. Everything is so so stilted
“Kate, how could you out me to Ray?” I hiss at the first opportunity we won’t be over-heard.
“Because I knew you never would, and I want to help with Christian’s commitment issues.” Kate smiles at me sweetly.
I scowl. It’s me that won’t commit to him, silly!
“He seems trés cool about it, Ana. Don’t sweat it. Look at him now - Christian cannot take his eyes off you.” I glance up, and both Ray and Christian are looking at me. “He’s been watching you like a hawk.”
This is the effect you have on me, Miss Steele.”
I gasp and flex my fingers around his girth, and he grins.
“I want to be inside you. Take my jeans off. You’re in charge.” Holy fuck… me in charge. My mouth drops open.
“What are you going to do with me?” he teases.
Maya It's just so boring. Like, THIS is what's getting women all hot and bothered?
Ing: I feel bad for them. Their sex lives must be worse than mine and I'm not even having sex
Also, have some bonus nuggets of WTF:
I gasp, and I’m Eve in the Garden of Eden, and he’s the serpent, and I cannot resist.
Yes, Miss Steele,” he murmurs, eyes burning bright. “In my pocket, condom,” he breathes.
I search in his pocket slowly, watching his face as I feel around. His mouth is open. I fish out both foil packets that I find and lay them on the bed by his hips. Two!
I’m not knowledgeable, Anastasia, I just know what I like.” His gray eyes shine, almost silver, and it makes me flush. “Some more?” he asks, referring to the champagne.
I head for the kettle. I need tea.
“How was dinner?”
So it begins.
“We had oysters. Followed by cod, so I’d say it was fishy.”
“Ugh… I hate oysters, and I don’t want to know about the food. How was Christian?
What did you talk about?”
“He was attentive,” I pause.
“I will buy you lots of things, Anastasia. Get used to it. I can afford it. I’m a very wealthy man.” He leans down and plants a swift, chaste kiss on my lips. “Please.” He releases me.
‘Ho’ my subconscious mouths at me.
“Okay… swallowing semen. Well, you get an A in that.” I flush, and my inner goddess smacks her lips together glowing with pride.
okay okay. I'll let you guys off the hook now. I just wanted to share the awfulness. XD