Modelland: Chapter .... the rest XD
This book broke us. And we avoided it for...months. We're sorry XD But we finished all of it in one bulk and... if you didn't think this book could get more ridiculous, you were very, very wrong. So very wrong. It is absolutely bananas.
All at once, they were whipped out of the flashback, back in the Flashback Females’ room once more. The BellaDonna and Creamy were staring at one another, their faces two inches apart.
“Ladonna,” Creamy hissed.
“Cremalatta Defacake,” the BellaDonna answered.
Tookie widened her eyes, hardly believing what she was hearing. Cremalatta. And … Defacake? Disgusting!
Maya: Basically we should just talk about what happened because...I can't be assed to divide it up. At all
Ing: Hahaha agreed. Okay basically, after the ManAttack, the girls decide to escape because they're melodramatic and also idiots. It's a pointless part, tbh, because they leave. And then Ci~L finds them immediately and we learn that Ci~L isn't eeeevil she just had friends who weren't worthy of Modelland and she wants to chaaaange beauty and they all go back and idek. Very pointless. And then Creamy arrives at Moddelland! And insanity ensues
Maya: Like...Tyra was watching a soap opera and was like WHY DON'T THEY USE ALL THESE PLOTS AT ONCE. AND SO SHE DID
Ing: It was like a plot trope olympics
Maya: Basically, we find out Creamy and the BellaDonna were at Modelland together OBVS and so was the head Mannecant which, why do we give a crap?
Ing: Who even knows. And basically Creamy's real name is Cremalatta Defacake (?!)
Maya: So then the BellaDonna aka LaDonna fell in LURVE with a civilian and magically got preggers and LITERALLY GAVE BIRTH TO A SECRET BABY. WHICH IS MY FAVORITE PLOTLINE OF ALL TIME BTWS
Ing: THAT BABY JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. I WAS READING AND THEN SUDDENLY IT WAS LIKE 'SHE SCREAMED AND THERE WAS A BABY' AND I WAS LIKE 'WHAAAA?!'
The girl on the other side of the stall just groaned again. Then the knees rose from the ground and the girl slumped onto the toilet. Tookie could practically feel her pain-she’d had a similar reaction to her chocolate binge, which was why she couldn’t have even the tiniest taste of the stuff anymore. After a moment, there was a large splash in the porcelain. Suddenly, a small, piercing cry rang out. But it wasn’t the sickened cry of a young woman wrecked from tainted food. It was the cry of a tiny baby emerging into the world.
Maya: ANYWAY SHE SENDS THE BABY OFF TO LIVE WITH ITS FATHER AND THEN SNEAKS OUT WITH CREAMALATTA
Ing: Yeah! and then Cremalatta decides she wants to seduce the father for no apparent reason whatsofuckgineever
Maya: AND FAILS. BUT LADONNA THINKS IT WORKED. AND THEN THEY COME BACK TO MODELLAND. AND GET IN TROUBLE
Ing: I MEAN, LOGIC FUCKING LOGIC
Maya: AND CREAMY GETS BANISHED AND STAYS OLD AND WRINKLY AND THE BB GETS SENT OFF TO WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHERE AND THE BB IS CI~L WHICH, WHAT
Ing: AND LADONNA HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN BEING BELLADONNA AND KEEPING HER YOUTH OR KEEPING HER BABY AND THE FAMILY and she chooses youth and shit because the father ~betrayed her~. Which just makes no effing sense, because THE BABY. like... jesus fuck. Even if the father betrayed her, there's still THE BABY who has done nothing but exist and be innocent and I don't get it. It’s Ci~L, which is named as such because LaDonna saw her and thought 'I See Love'. Fuck logic
Maya: I KNOW RIGHT
Ing: OH AND GOD LaDonna and Creamy start fighting and Creamy gets impaled on one of the spikes on LaDonna's outfit and I laughed so hard I literally cried
Creamy and the BellaDonna huddled together for a moment, as though locked in an intimate embrace. But then Tookie saw a sharp, shiny metal object piercing her mother’s gut and protruding clear through her back. The two women were skewered together with a spike from the BellaDonna’s dress.
“Back together again,” Persimmon muttered from the sidelines, rubbing the lump on her head.
Tookie wiped the moisture that had splashed her face, then looked at her hand. It was smeared with red. Blood.
Maya: I lost it. I mean...what? WHAT
Ing: I love how, in the first few chapters of this hting NOTHING HAPPENS. and then in the last couple of chapters there's like BETRAYAL, OLD FRIENDS, SECRET BABY, DEATH BY SPIKES
Maya: AND CI~L IS THE NEW BELLADONNA. AND SHE AND TOOKIE ARE BFFS? AND BRAVO SINGS SOME REALLY TERRIBLE SONGS TO TOOKIE
“Oh, Tookie, I never wagered your lip nookie.
In your eyes is the only place I wanna lookie.
You’ve taught me ’bout loving and giving, I was a rookie.
You’re so pure and sweet. And now I’m hookie
On Tookieeeeee.”
Ing: And come to think of it... all of the things that happen in the climax of the book has NOTHING TO DO WITH TOOKIE. LIKE WHAT? I don't think that's how it's supposed to go. You set up this whole thing with a main character and then all the "resolutions" to the plot happen with other characters?
Maya: I. DON’T. KNOW
Ing: hahaha Tyra's writing is soo terrible, though. Like... I love how suddenly after the whole Creamy being at Modelland thing comes up, it's like "no wonder Creamy was so upset about Myrracle not making it, cause the children of Modelland goers have an even higher chance of making it than SMIZE-finders" and I'm like... THIS IS INFORMATION THAT YOU DON'T ADD ON AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT, I MEAN JESUS. And 2) how does that even work, considering there's like 100 girls admitted every year? All they'd be doing is admit people's children, idgi
Maya: I DON'T KNOW I HAVE GIVEN UP ON THIS SHIT
And then … slowly, gently, Bravo’s soft lips touched hers. His lips parted and she felt something thick and slimy inside of her mouth. His tongue.
She pulled away, wide-eyed. “Uh … I don’t like kissing that way.”
Bravo looked surprised. “But you’ve never kissed before.”
“I know I haven’t, but … my mirror didn’t have a tongue,”
Do you see Tookie De La Crème up there?
I bet you do.
And I bet you’ll remember her.
For a long, long time.
Regrettably, we probably will remember her for a long, long time.
So that's Modelland folks!
And here's how we feel about this book:
And here's how we feel about finishing it:
We're coming up with a new project and it may turn out to be even worse, actually. We don't quite believe it, but there it is. Hang around for the announcement of what's on our reading list next!