Modelland: Chapter 16-18
Thigh High Boot Camp is upon us, which has been hyped up to be both dangerous and terrifying. It's mostly just stupid.
Chapter 16, 17 and 18
An older, unrecognizable person was staring at Tookie. It had a boil growing on its nose, letting out a smoke that smelled of rotten eggs and animal droppings. Much of its hair had fallen out in clumps, and many of the hanging strands had fused together into what looked like chunks of petrified wood. Its eyes were bruised, swollen nearly shut, and its ears were swollen into what looked like bulbs of cauliflower.
“Oh my God!” Tookie and the creature whispered. That was when she realized.
The gruesome creature … was her.
(how does she smell rotten eggs through the mirror.)
Maya: Uggggh could those chapters have been more boring? More description more backstory blah blah blah. Can someone die now?
Ing: Hahahaha ikr, I can't even
Maya: Okay, so Chapter 16 which is Thigh High Boot Camp, yes? Or is that the next chapter? I don't remember the separations anymore
Ing: I think the Thigh High Boot Camp goes over chapter 16 and 17
Maya: Okay, well we should just talk about them together. HOW DOES SOMEONE ZIP THEIR OWN HEAD IN A ZIPPER. THAT IS MY QUESTION. SERIOUSLY, WHY AM I FOCUSED ON THE WEIRDEST SHIT IN THIS BOOK
Ing: I missed the zipper thing!
Maya: You missed it???? Angelika ZIPS HER HEAD IN THE ZIPPER. AND APPARENTLY THERE IS BLOOD AND HAIR HANGING OUT. AND SHE HAS AN ENORMOUS GASH ON HER HEAD AND EVERYONE THINKS SHE'S DEAD. WTAF.
Ing: SHE DOES? Oh I just read that she was bleeding. JFC. How does that even work?
Maya: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? HOW?
Ing: AND LET'S DISCUSS HOW. THIS BOOT CAMP IS HYPED UP LIKE FUCK ABOUT HOW SCARY AND DANGEROUS IT IS. AND THEN IT'S JUST ... I CAN'T. Like... at first they're given make-overs and then they turn into hideously disfigured creatures and a few girls escape through the home-door never to return
Maya: Yeah, I thought people were going to actually die. Didn't they keep saying people would die? CAN THEY JUST KILL SOMEONE NOW PLEASE
Ing: And I can get how you would escape during the first challenge. but when you survive that one and then realise it's a trick HOW ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRICKED BY THE FOLLOWING CHALLENGES. SINCE THEY'RE ALL BASICALLY THE SAME. SOMETHING CREEPY HAPPENS BUT IT'S NOT REAL, ESCAPE THROUGH THE HOME DOOR IF YOU'RE AN IDIOT. Like, when they bring you back from being a hideously disfigured person, how do you actually think the next challenge isn't also a trick? You'd have to have one functioning brain cell to not survive that boot camp
Maya: Although wtf happened with that giant needle. IT MADE NO SENSE. IT HITS THEM AND PUTS THEM IN BUBBLES? IDGI
Within seconds, the needle loomed just inches away from Tookie. Her heart thudded as the tip jabbed close to her skin. Then closer, closer … until the tip was aimed straight at her head.
She waited for a sharp pain. The moment the tip of the needle hit her skull, she suddenly felt like a million tiny appendages were tickling her skin. Her body tilted upside down and she felt her shirt, cargo pants, and underwear slip off. More fingers gently pulled at her limbs and clothed her body. The space she was in was incredibly dark, and Tookie rubbed her hands over the mystery fabrics that now touched her skin. They had dips and folds and tucks and felt extremely luxe.
Ing: LOL I didn't get it either. But they hyped the fuck out of that ~terrifying boot camp~ and I'm like... how cowardly do you have to be to not survive this
Maya: IKR. And of course TOOKIE convinces everyone it's a trick. BECAUSE SHE'S UH-MAZING
Ing: Totally. I mean, you'd have to be an idiot to not realize it's a trick. YEAH OBVIOUSLY A MODELLING SCHOOL IS GOING TO DISFIGURE YOU FOR LIFE
Maya: So 54 girls survive Thigh High Boot Camp and they get taken to their dorms
Ing: And there's a weird sequence with invisible beds. I was like... what's the point of this, really?
Maya And their bedspreads have hideous caricatures of them on the and one of Tookie's roommates has a ~mysterious past~ and is addicted to Bollywood music but it's called Chakrawood
Ing: And her mother is a Chakrawood star, or something
Maya: And director and singer
Ing: But at least Kamalini or whatever her name is seems cute. Of course they have to room with Zarpessa and Zarpessa steals Tookie's bed and none of the other girls speak up, for some ridic reason
Maya: Because ZARPESSA IS A BITCH DON'T YOU GET IT
Ing: OH NO, I HASN'T BEEN POUNDED INTO MY HEAD QUITE ENOUGH YET
Maya: Oh, and they have a light that follows them around EVEN WHEN THEY SLEEP, except Tookie doesn't get one
Ing: Yeah, and credit where credit is due. This actually going in a direction I didn't really think it would. I assumed Tookie would come to Modelland because she's so speeeshal and get makeovers and be like SO AWESOME. But Tyra is playing the angle that Tookie and the girls aren't supposed to be there, and that is actually kind of interesting
Ing: except the execution is awful, of course
Maya: Naturally. Oh, and Ci~L is being whipped. TONE SHIFT AHOY
Ing: Lol seriously. Although I don't understand of Tookie was actually sleep walking or if she was dreaming or if she was having one of those vision-dreams.
Ing: Something better happen soon, or I'll cut a bitch
Most WTF Moment
Maya: Well, mine is clearly the zipping your head into a zipper. HOW HOW HOW HOW *sobs*
A girl named Angelika from Icylann yapped like an excited Yorkshire terrier. 'Yay, yay, yay! Isn't dis great?' She jumped into one of the ZipZaps so enthusiastically, she scraped the top of her head on it's sharp pull-tab. Tookie cringed, seeing bits of blood and hair still dangling from it
(ew)
Ing: Mine is
“I’m SheLikee!” the first girl announced. Blue hair.
“I’m HerLikee!” Green hair.
“I’m ILikee!” Pink hair.
“I’m MeLikee!” Purple.
Ing: Cause then I just wanted to punch Tyra in the effing face
Maya: I FORGOT ABOUT THAT LOLOLOL
Ing: I love how, if you quote just '"I'm MeLikee!" Purple." It makes no fucking sense