50 Shades Darker: Chapter 3 and 4
Our general reaction to these two chapters:
Warnings: brief mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts yes, she is indeed tackling hot button topics with all the sensitivity of a rampaging hippogriff.
Also, NSFW
The one good thing about being car-less is that on the bus on my way to work, I can plug my headphones into my iPad while it’s safely in my purse and listen to all the wonderful tunes Christian has given me. By the time I arrive at the office, I have the most ludicrous grin on my face.
Maya: So we open with Ana listening to her iPad on the bus and continuing to overanalyze the playlist. SO IRRITATING
Ing: Please, Ana, just stop. We get it, you listen to music. Welcome to the rest of humanity
Maya: And then they exchange more weird and not-human sounding emails and Ana goes out to drink with her colleagues as her boss continues to be a creeper. And OF COURSE Christian shows up
Ing: Yeah, but like...oddly. I feel like he's not being that creepy, really? Like the things he says isn't that bad, if a bit 'familiar' for a boss. but the only reason I know Jack is supposed to be creepy is that Ana says 'omg that's so inappropriate/creepy' every time he opens his mouth. Show not tell, lady. SHOW
Jack glances up at me and does a double take.
“Good morning, Ana. You look . . . radiant.” His remark flusters me. How inappropriate! “I slept well, thank you, Jack. Good morning.”
His brow crinkles.
Maya: Well, she makes up for it when they get into his car to go to her place and she finds out CHRISTIAN BOUGHT THE COMPANY SHE WORKS FOR. HE. BOUGHT. THE. COMPANY. AND THEN WHEN SHE SAYS SHE'LL QUIT AND GET ANOTHER JOB, HE SAYS HE'LL BUY THAT COMPANY TOO. GUUUUUUUURL, RUN. LIKE, THIS IS SERIOUSLY CREEPY SHIT HAPPENING
“You’re buying the company,” I whisper in horror.
His smile slips in response to the panic in my voice. “Not exactly,” he says.
“You’ve bought it. SIP. Already.”
He blinks at me, warily. “Possibly.”
“You have or you haven’t?”
“Have.”
What the hell? “Why?” I gasp, appalled. Oh, this just is too much.
“Because I can, Anastasia. I need you safe.”
Ing: OMG HE'S SO OUT OF LINE I CAN'T EVEN, MAYA, I CANNOT EVEN. THAT SHIT IS CREEPIER THAN ANYTHING HER 'CREEPY' BOSS HAS EVER DONE. ALL THE BOSS HAS DONE IS COMPLIMENT HER A BIT INNAPROPRIATELY, PERHAPS. BUT HOW IS HE OMGSOCREEPY WHILE CHRISTIAN IS ALL SWOON-WORTHY? Gdnfgjnjfgngfjnfkjg I can't believe he bought the company. I would have thrown a fit and killed him
“You’re not thinking of leaving, are you?” His expression alters, wary once more.
“Possibly. I’m not sure you’ve given me a great deal of choice.”
“Yes, I will buy that company, too.” He is adamant.
I scowl at him again. I am in a no-win situation here.
TBH at this point I'd just go work at McDonald's and watch him try to buy that shit
Maya: RIIIIGHT. BUT ANA RECOVERS AND IS JUST LIKE *POUT* AND THEN THEY GO GROCERY SHOPPING AND TALK ABOUT FOOD FOR A BILLION YEARS
“Have you eaten today?” he murmurs.
“I had a sandwich at lunch,” I whisper. I don’t want to talk food.
He narrows his eyes. “You need to eat.”
“I’m really not hungry right now . . . for food.”
“What are you hungry for, Miss Steele?”
“I think you know, Mr. Grey.”
Ing: I'm about to punch them in the face. All this food talk is fucking ridiculous
Maya: Like, I LOVE food. I love baking and cooking blogs and trying new recipes. I don't talk about food HALF as much as these people
Ing: I think this author just doesn't know how to write day to day conversations. And I can relate, it's hard. When you don't have a specific topic and you just want natural day to day convos that feel real. BUT OMG PEOPLE DO NOT TALK ABOUT FOOD LIKE THIS AT EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY
“You’re quite good at this,” he mutters as he starts on his second red pepper.
“Chopping?” I bat my eyelashes at him. “Years of practice.” I brush against him again, this time with my behind. He stills once more.
“If you do that again, Anastasia, I am going to take you on the kitchen floor.”
Oh, wow. It’s working. “You’ll have to beg me first.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Maybe.”
He puts down his knife and saunters slowly over to me, his eyes burning. Leaning past me, he switches the gas off. The oil in the wok quiets almost immediately.
“I think we’ll eat later,” he says. “Put the chicken in the fridge.”
This is not a sentence I had ever expected to hear from Christian Grey, and only he can make it sound hot, really hot.
Oh yes, baby, put the chicken in the fridge. unf unf.
Maya: Ugh and then they have boring sex again and despite the vanilla-ness her ties her up and then does not-physically-possible things. Blaaaagh all these sex scenes are SO BORING
I lie down, gazing up at him as he slowly rolls the condom on. I want him so badly. He stares down at me and licks his lips.
“You are a fine sight, Anastasia Steele.” He bends over the bed and slowly crawls up and over me, kissing me as he goes. He kisses each of my breasts and teases my nipples in turn, while I groan and writhe beneath him, and he doesn’t stop.
Ing: I can't with their sex. Like... it's strange how she writes in elements like tying them up but then she never really mentions her being tied up again, so it doens't really become a thing? if you know what I mean. Like, just writing that her hands are tied and then never mention it again... that doesn't have much of an effect on anything
Maya: It's like she forgets
Ing: Totally! And it's like... if you're gonna bring in bondage, make something of it. Write about like her shoulders going sore or feeling out of control or wanting to touch him, or just make it part of the sex ffs
He sets a pounding rhythm. I start to quicken, my legs tensing beneath him.
“Come on, baby,” he gasps. “Give it to me.”
His words are my undoing, and I explode, magnificently, mind-numbingly, into a million pieces around him, and he follows calling out my name.
Maya: Like, her hands are tied and then he just flips her over and I'm like OH MY GOD HER ARMS. And then she tries to spice things up even more by combining the food and sex and having them eat ice cream and dribble it on each other during their sexy times
Turning, he opens the freezer and takes out the carton of Ben & Jerry’s finest vanilla.
“This will do just fine.” He looks up at me, eyes dark. “Ben & Jerry’s & Ana.” He says each word slowly, enunciating every syllable clearly.
Oh fucking my. I think my lower jaw is on the floor.
Ing: OMG most uninspired attempt at food porn ever. THE FIRST PART OF IT IS LEGITIMATELY JUST HIM STRADDLING HER AND EATING ICE CREAM FROM A BOX. Food porn - ur doin it wrong
Picking up the tub of ice cream, he climbs smoothly back onto the bed to straddle me once more. Very slowly, he peels off the lid of the tub and dips the spoon in.
“Hmm . . . it’s still quite hard,” he says with a raised brow. Scooping out a spoonful of the vanilla, he pops it into his mouth. “Delicious,” he murmurs, licking his lips. “Amazing how good plain old vanilla can taste.” He gazes down at me and smirks. “Want some?” he teases.
Maya: So, we forgot to mention that Ana saw some girl who looked like her outside of her work on the way to the bar and the girl asked what Ana had that she didn't and we find out after the food sex that she's an ex-sub who's ~in love~ with Christian AND JUST ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND THEN LEFT THE HOSPITAL
I turn expectantly, and an ashen young woman approaches me cautiously. She looks like a ghost-so pale and strangely blank.
“Miss Anastasia Steele?” she repeats, and her features stay static even though she’s speaking.
“Yes?”
[...]
“No . . . I just wanted to look at you.” Her voice is eerily soft. Like me, she has dark hair that starkly contrasts with her fair skin. Her eyes are brown, like bourbon, but flat.
There’s no life in them at all. Her beautiful face is pale, and etched with sorrow.
“Sorry-you have me at a disadvantage,” I say politely, trying to ignore the warning tingle up my spine. On closer inspection, she looks odd, disheveled and uncared for. Her clothes are two sizes too big, including her designer trench coat.
She laughs, a strange, discordant sound that only feeds my anxiety.
“What do you have that I don’t?” she asks sadly.
Ing: EL James did really get some parts of Twilight down pat for this fanfic of hers. SMeyer's utter lack of sublety in foreshadowing or plot twists being one of those things. I HATE THIS 'PLOT TWIST' SO BAD. OOOH THE EX-SUB WENT MAAAD WITH WANT FOR CHRISTIAN BECAUSE GIRLS CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIS SMOLDERING WHATEVER and omg I can't. OOH yes this book is so EMPOWERING FOR WOMEN. Shoot me in the face.
Maya: Especially in light of what happens the next morning when Ana finds out CHRISTIAN HAS HER BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER
Ing: OH SHIT I'D TOTALLY BLACKED OUT THAT PART. I think I didn't want it to be real
Maya: UNDERSTANDABLY So Ana refuses the money he gave her for her old car and the new car
Ing: Yeah she rips the check into pieces
Maya: And so Christian CALLS HIS ASSISTANT AND TRANSFERS THE MONEY INTO HER BANK ACCOUNT. WHAT. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. GURL,RUN THE FUCK AWAY. RIGHT. NOW
My curiosity is piqued. What is Fifty doing? I follow him into the room, and he’s on the phone.
“Yes, twenty-four thousand dollars. Directly.”
He glances up at me, still impassive.
“Good . . . Monday? Excellent . . . No that’s all, Andrea.”
He snaps the phone shut.
“Deposited in your bank account, Monday. Don’t play games with me.” He’s boiling mad, but I don’t care.
“Twenty-four thousand dollars!” I’m almost screaming. “And how do you know my account number?”
My ire takes Christian by surprise.
“I know everything about you, Anastasia,” he says quietly.
Ing: OH GOD I'M SO ANGRY I CAN'T I CAN'T. OMG
Maya: WE CAN'T EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS
Ing: THE GUY IS COMPLETELY INSANE AND HE BELONGS IN VERY INTENSIVE THERAPY
Maya: HE DESERVES TO BE ARRESTED
Ing: AND THE PEOPLE WHO FIND THIS SEXY ALSO NEED HELP. This relationship of their makes me want to puke my guts out. I'm legitimately scared of it. I would rather be single my entire life than be in a relationship with someone like this needy, smothering, controlling, condescending asshole.
Maya: And then she decides she needs a haircut so he takes her to a salon HE OWNS AND WE MEET ~MRS. ROBINSON~
Ing: I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE OWNS LIKE EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE.
Maya:: RIIIIIGHT
Ing: DOES HIS COMPANY NOT HAVE A PROFILE OR A DIRECTION THEY GO IN? HOW DOES HE HAVE LIKE... STUFF IN DARFUR. AND BEAUTY SALONS. AND PUBLISHING HOUSES. And what kind of ASSHOLE is he? He says he wants to try a relationship with her and then he takes her to get her hair cut in the same salon he's used for all his subs like a fucking douchebag
Maya: Fuck, I have never hated a human being, real or fictional, so much. WOMEN, PLEASE STOP GLORIFYING DOUCHEBAG STALKERS. THESE MEN DON'T WANT TO KEEP YOU SAFE. THEY WANT TO CONTROL YOU
Ing: I know, right?! He's a selfish asspuppet of a human being. I mean, take the fact that... he said he wanted to try a relationship with her and to skip the contract. but then in this chapter he guilts her into seeing a personal trainer and then takes her to the salon, both of which were parts of the contract, and Ana notes that he's trying to sneak these bits of the contract into her life regardless. And isn't that just some underhanded, controlling bullshit