(no subject)
went out with Kile tonight. He got in town around 1:30..glad I got to see him. I don't know whats going on with me..I like can't even understand myself. It hurts the most when I have to fake a smile around the people who make me the happiest. Wouldn't they be the ones to realize it first that something is wrong? Even if they asked if something was wrong, it's not like I could give them a reasonable answer because I can't even give myself a reasonable answer. God, I'm so retarted. I need to get a hold of things..or else things are going to get all screwed up again just like the did last year. I'M HAPPY THOUGH IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS. why do I have this part of me where I feel like something is missing? I have everything I could ever want. Ugh, I don't know where to start but things have to change.