(no subject)
it's valentine's day.
i was fine not having someone to be with, until my mom called and asked what i was doing tonight, and it hit me that i was alone.
it's weird, i'm having a lot of issues with my appearance recently and haven't found myself attractive ever, to be blunt, but less so since decemeber, so i completely understand why i don't have a boyfriend, but even ugly girls can dream, can't we?
i love my friends, but there's a difference between hanging out with them and hanging out with a guy, and i have had a weird platonic romance for the past three weeks, but nothing is going to come of it and ugh, i don't know, it's just hard on my heart (not the crush, because he's such a good friend that it's nice to hang out with him and sometimes kiss) but everything else is hard.
i applied for three internships for the summer, all of them based in the city and/or brooklyn. i don't know why i have such a fantastical vision of living in the city, but i do and i want it so badly. there are unpaid internships in DC, but then i would need another job to support some kind of commute/living arrangements, we'll see.
i just need the sun, basically. i'm pretty sure i've self-diagnosed myself with seasonal depression, the kind where you get really sulky from not getting enough vitamin d from the sun. this is the first time that i can remember looking forward to the summer, as long as i don't have to wear a bathing suit in front of anyone, i just really need the warmth and light.
on a lighter note, i've been babysitting and the boy's middle name is darwin, and that's awesome.
i was fine not having someone to be with, until my mom called and asked what i was doing tonight, and it hit me that i was alone.
it's weird, i'm having a lot of issues with my appearance recently and haven't found myself attractive ever, to be blunt, but less so since decemeber, so i completely understand why i don't have a boyfriend, but even ugly girls can dream, can't we?
i love my friends, but there's a difference between hanging out with them and hanging out with a guy, and i have had a weird platonic romance for the past three weeks, but nothing is going to come of it and ugh, i don't know, it's just hard on my heart (not the crush, because he's such a good friend that it's nice to hang out with him and sometimes kiss) but everything else is hard.
i applied for three internships for the summer, all of them based in the city and/or brooklyn. i don't know why i have such a fantastical vision of living in the city, but i do and i want it so badly. there are unpaid internships in DC, but then i would need another job to support some kind of commute/living arrangements, we'll see.
i just need the sun, basically. i'm pretty sure i've self-diagnosed myself with seasonal depression, the kind where you get really sulky from not getting enough vitamin d from the sun. this is the first time that i can remember looking forward to the summer, as long as i don't have to wear a bathing suit in front of anyone, i just really need the warmth and light.
on a lighter note, i've been babysitting and the boy's middle name is darwin, and that's awesome.