(no subject)
what to do.
what to do.
in all honesty i really can't afford to live here, so what's the point in taking it any further. i want to go to school. doing this to save up some money for now and then we'll make due back home. unless something unexpected happens. it's not that things aren't good here, they are. i love it here. everything being within 10-20 minutes makes me happy, along with the weather, and being with my best friend. i don't like my job most days. on the weekends it's good cause were busy but other then that i don't like it. i need something fast paced. i met a boy. he makes me happy. the way he is, in all truth is bringing me down, he doesn't know how to be...although i thank him for reassureing me a lot but he doesn't mind. he's shown me that i take things to seriously i just need to chillllll out and stop worrying to much. i like him i really do. he's a great guy...he doesn't want me to stay because of him and im not sure if he wouldn't be most of the reason...i'm a firm believer in you meet everybody for a reason. there is a reason i met him even though i may not know it yet...it's weighing me down, i notice myself not trying hard anymore and just letting things play out, because it will happen if it's suppose to....everyday i feel different sometimes i think i could make it work other days i just don't wanna think about it. and besides i miss all my friends and hanging out until the early morning.
as for the family situation. i miss my mom and my sister the most. i talked to my mom today, she's thinking about becoming a pilot...she already works at northwest airlines in flint and she's always been fascinated with planes so i don't think it would be a bad thing. and plus she could buy a plan and fly me where ever the fuck i wanna go. so that'd be sweeeeeet. as for my sister she's not doing so good and i feel bad that im not in michigan to keep her company. her boyfriend since i was in 10th grade is going to jail. she was telling me how hard it was gonna be for her to be without him and for anybody that knows my sister knows that she doesn't ever say things like that....she went on to saying how lonely she was gonna be and how long it's been since she's been alone. he won't be getting out anytime soon, i think she feels as if she has nothing to working for. i just feel bad for her.ughhh and my dad.... my mom suggested me asking him for money so i could stay down here and maybe try to make it work. im sad to say my pride takes over when it comes to situations with my dad. i never want to ask for his help. i know it's a horrible thing to say.....but i just can't. it's a touchy subject and today's already not been so good, so im not gonna write anymore about it.
all in all i hope i figure my shit out.
bryan- you probably will never read this but here i go anyways... i wish you had the decency to tell me what your thinking...i've never been treated like that before and you showed me that there are guys out there that do know how to show they care even if you turned out to be an asshole in the end. i miss you like crazy. i'd def. do somethings differently if i knew this was gonna be how it ended. although i do not regret it. i felt what i felt and i was truly the happiest i've been in a while. thank you for that. and i'd be lying if i said i didn't wish things were different and that i didn't wish we were watching the mighty ducks or laguna beach.
i just still super sad about it.
j-im starting to dig you out of my mind, i don't want to think of anything to do with you. reason coming that your getting married, this is what you suppose ably want...so do what you do. for the last time i'll say this i miss the times we've had and with nobody to replace them it's difficult to not think of old memories. gahhh im done. im just done.
tomorrow:
1-5 work.
& then notttttthinggg.
fuck.
what to do.
in all honesty i really can't afford to live here, so what's the point in taking it any further. i want to go to school. doing this to save up some money for now and then we'll make due back home. unless something unexpected happens. it's not that things aren't good here, they are. i love it here. everything being within 10-20 minutes makes me happy, along with the weather, and being with my best friend. i don't like my job most days. on the weekends it's good cause were busy but other then that i don't like it. i need something fast paced. i met a boy. he makes me happy. the way he is, in all truth is bringing me down, he doesn't know how to be...although i thank him for reassureing me a lot but he doesn't mind. he's shown me that i take things to seriously i just need to chillllll out and stop worrying to much. i like him i really do. he's a great guy...he doesn't want me to stay because of him and im not sure if he wouldn't be most of the reason...i'm a firm believer in you meet everybody for a reason. there is a reason i met him even though i may not know it yet...it's weighing me down, i notice myself not trying hard anymore and just letting things play out, because it will happen if it's suppose to....everyday i feel different sometimes i think i could make it work other days i just don't wanna think about it. and besides i miss all my friends and hanging out until the early morning.
as for the family situation. i miss my mom and my sister the most. i talked to my mom today, she's thinking about becoming a pilot...she already works at northwest airlines in flint and she's always been fascinated with planes so i don't think it would be a bad thing. and plus she could buy a plan and fly me where ever the fuck i wanna go. so that'd be sweeeeeet. as for my sister she's not doing so good and i feel bad that im not in michigan to keep her company. her boyfriend since i was in 10th grade is going to jail. she was telling me how hard it was gonna be for her to be without him and for anybody that knows my sister knows that she doesn't ever say things like that....she went on to saying how lonely she was gonna be and how long it's been since she's been alone. he won't be getting out anytime soon, i think she feels as if she has nothing to working for. i just feel bad for her.ughhh and my dad.... my mom suggested me asking him for money so i could stay down here and maybe try to make it work. im sad to say my pride takes over when it comes to situations with my dad. i never want to ask for his help. i know it's a horrible thing to say.....but i just can't. it's a touchy subject and today's already not been so good, so im not gonna write anymore about it.
all in all i hope i figure my shit out.
bryan- you probably will never read this but here i go anyways... i wish you had the decency to tell me what your thinking...i've never been treated like that before and you showed me that there are guys out there that do know how to show they care even if you turned out to be an asshole in the end. i miss you like crazy. i'd def. do somethings differently if i knew this was gonna be how it ended. although i do not regret it. i felt what i felt and i was truly the happiest i've been in a while. thank you for that. and i'd be lying if i said i didn't wish things were different and that i didn't wish we were watching the mighty ducks or laguna beach.
i just still super sad about it.
j-im starting to dig you out of my mind, i don't want to think of anything to do with you. reason coming that your getting married, this is what you suppose ably want...so do what you do. for the last time i'll say this i miss the times we've had and with nobody to replace them it's difficult to not think of old memories. gahhh im done. im just done.
tomorrow:
1-5 work.
& then notttttthinggg.
fuck.