defense.
so, over the past few months i've been working on myself. a lot of personal development. one of the many things i know i need to work on is listening to people. i do listen, i just tend to always want to talk over them or immediately. also, just looking to be a better person, hence my entries from end of march and beginning of may....but now, i need to figure out how [b]no[/b]t to be a dick. it's going to take a lot of effort and it may take a while, but essentially i'd like to uhm not be uhh..."rude". i don't know if i'm intentionally trying to be rude, if it's just the way i talk or if i just don't know how to speak to people. i really don't want to be a bitchy person, or hurt anyones feelings. crazy thing is, most of the time, i don't even realize i'm doing it. that's a problem that needs to be fixed. i could read books, but maybe i just need to speak with a therapist. initially i was going to see a therapist (a few months ago), every time i was going to call, i just didn't. a friend of mine said i'm very defense. and also asked why do i always feel the need to be so defensive. like what's the reason behind it. i never realized i was. now i realized it. it's weird. who knows. hope to figure this all out soon so that i can be a better person in that light as well. i'm a good person, i know it. i never intentionally try to be be that way with anyone. always with good intentions, but clearly i don't know how to display that. :/