Some Mean Thoughts On The Economic Crisis
Hokay. This is gonna be mean and unhelpful but hey, it's what I do best, right? I want to preface this by saying that I know perfectly honest people get had by credit card companies. I did work for a huge conglomerate in the collections sector, I know how it works.
But dammit.
Yknow, guess what, America?
I fucking told you so.
I fucking said there'd be consequences to your voting badly waaaaay back in the day, and I was too fucking young to even vote at the time. And now eight years later you assfaces are seriously going to sit around and whine that corporations are too big and bloated and powerful? Your cheese-addled brains wouldn't know the word "regulated" if it were slathered in bacon and tossed into your SUV from a drive-thru window. I mean, damn. What, you think credit card companies charged lower interest rates back in the day just because they hadn't thought of raising them?
*lightbulb* Hey! We've been a big evil corporation for like a hundred years now, and we've always had interest rates... but what if we had >.> ... higher... interest rates?!?
No, you dumb fucks, it's because there were regulations (stay with me STAY WITH ME) which have since been repealed. Oh, and guess who's doing the repealing. Well, it ain't Crazy Moonbat Dennis Kucinich, that's fer damn sure. And it sure as fuck ain't the socialist party... geez, I can't seem to put my finger on it, but I do seem to remember something about some political party being real big into the whole giant faceless conglomerate scene. Ah, but let's not point fingers, shall we?
Yeah, except for the part where YOU ASSHOLES TOTALLY BROUGHT ALL OF THIS ON YOURSELVES.
Oh, and another thing? You know that whole
1) Grow Up
2) Get Car
3) Pay For Your College
4) Get Married
5) Get Second Car
6) Get House
7) Have Child
8) Have Second Child
9) Pay For Kids' College
10) Retire
grocery list you spineless gutwads always get all moony over? Ghod. You whiny-ass, entitled freaking baby boomers. You want me to cry cos you're gonna have to live in an apartment instead of a house? Cos you're going to have to figure out a way to eat without spending $7,000 a month on McDonald's and the Olive Garden? Cos those medicines to keep your heart beating despite your stuffing your arteries full of meat are getting too expensive? Cos you're not going to have the money to keep paying for that dick-waving Hummer you bought? Well, they weren't on election night, but I gotta say, right now, my eyes are frikkin dry about your plight. I mean, jeezus, people. WELCOME TO REAL LIFE.
Hi, hello, my name is Paul, and I'll be your captain this evening on the Unpleasant But Perfectly Predictable Truth Cruise. We'll be cruising at an altitude of This Is Not A Sustainable Lifestyle at a speed of Heteronormativity Is Nothing But A Failed Experiment. If you look to your left, you'll see a fascinating Houses Are Fucking Expensive And Not Everyone Can Have One You Deluded Douchebag. In approximately Fuck You, we'll be pulling into Oh And Kids Are Fucking Expensive Too, I Bet You Didn't Think Of That When You Were So Busy Congratulating Yourselves On Having Once Successfully Brought A Penis To Orgasm Inside Of A Vagina. We hope you enjoy your What Did You Think, All This Money's Been Falling Out Of The Fucking Sky For The Last Sixty Years, thanks again for flying with us, and have a great day.
But dammit.
Yknow, guess what, America?
I fucking told you so.
I fucking said there'd be consequences to your voting badly waaaaay back in the day, and I was too fucking young to even vote at the time. And now eight years later you assfaces are seriously going to sit around and whine that corporations are too big and bloated and powerful? Your cheese-addled brains wouldn't know the word "regulated" if it were slathered in bacon and tossed into your SUV from a drive-thru window. I mean, damn. What, you think credit card companies charged lower interest rates back in the day just because they hadn't thought of raising them?
*lightbulb* Hey! We've been a big evil corporation for like a hundred years now, and we've always had interest rates... but what if we had >.> ... higher... interest rates?!?
No, you dumb fucks, it's because there were regulations (stay with me STAY WITH ME) which have since been repealed. Oh, and guess who's doing the repealing. Well, it ain't Crazy Moonbat Dennis Kucinich, that's fer damn sure. And it sure as fuck ain't the socialist party... geez, I can't seem to put my finger on it, but I do seem to remember something about some political party being real big into the whole giant faceless conglomerate scene. Ah, but let's not point fingers, shall we?
Yeah, except for the part where YOU ASSHOLES TOTALLY BROUGHT ALL OF THIS ON YOURSELVES.
Oh, and another thing? You know that whole
1) Grow Up
2) Get Car
3) Pay For Your College
4) Get Married
5) Get Second Car
6) Get House
7) Have Child
8) Have Second Child
9) Pay For Kids' College
10) Retire
grocery list you spineless gutwads always get all moony over? Ghod. You whiny-ass, entitled freaking baby boomers. You want me to cry cos you're gonna have to live in an apartment instead of a house? Cos you're going to have to figure out a way to eat without spending $7,000 a month on McDonald's and the Olive Garden? Cos those medicines to keep your heart beating despite your stuffing your arteries full of meat are getting too expensive? Cos you're not going to have the money to keep paying for that dick-waving Hummer you bought? Well, they weren't on election night, but I gotta say, right now, my eyes are frikkin dry about your plight. I mean, jeezus, people. WELCOME TO REAL LIFE.
Hi, hello, my name is Paul, and I'll be your captain this evening on the Unpleasant But Perfectly Predictable Truth Cruise. We'll be cruising at an altitude of This Is Not A Sustainable Lifestyle at a speed of Heteronormativity Is Nothing But A Failed Experiment. If you look to your left, you'll see a fascinating Houses Are Fucking Expensive And Not Everyone Can Have One You Deluded Douchebag. In approximately Fuck You, we'll be pulling into Oh And Kids Are Fucking Expensive Too, I Bet You Didn't Think Of That When You Were So Busy Congratulating Yourselves On Having Once Successfully Brought A Penis To Orgasm Inside Of A Vagina. We hope you enjoy your What Did You Think, All This Money's Been Falling Out Of The Fucking Sky For The Last Sixty Years, thanks again for flying with us, and have a great day.