Creaky Floorboards and Greasy Spiders
This 'life' thing is still bugging me. I ponder why it seems like an endless and fruitless existence. Don't even try to mentally suggest that I get drugged by any means. If I wanted to drink and inhale away the years ... been there, done that. I mean, life is so fockin' boring. Yeah, I suppose that you may thoughtfully suggest that I am and not life.
I am such a misanthrope. I may appear like a nice chap, but I likely don't and/or wouldn't like you for long. I think my shy/nice guy mask is all that's covering a frothy-mouthed psychopath, and that's not exactly a bad thing when the mask doesn't come off. I project a weak image, in my eyes, one that sucks up in order to survive. I hate myself for that because I'll never go anywhere in life nor better myself in any way. This perpetual walk in the tar does piss me off and so does everything else these days.
This journal was supposed to be a tool to help me, but I find that it only hinders any progress. It's only worth is to remain as a testament of my life in case (whomever forbid) something bad where to happen and my feelings were left in text for someone to decipher. Don't flatter yourselves, this isn't a call for help nor is it a textual document fit for any family member to witness ... this is the bitter irony, I never talk about shit nor allow the family circle to know the shit. Well, I guess this journal serves no purpose because there's no real link between my cyber persona and myself. For shame. I wonder how many 'lost' blogs/journals are out there. Being a misanthrope, I know I shouldn't give a damn, but I do. I'm a conundrum that will never unravel into a straight line. My life remains as a big dust bunny of neural misfires.
Born to die. What a concept, but living forever would be boring, no? With death being the end of existence, I really can't fathom the mind shutting down and gone for infinity. All my thoughts, memories, and basically 'me' will cease to exist forevermore. I had a childhood reoccurring nightmare about laying in a coffin, floating in a void. Yeah, it sucks because I grew up playing hide-n-seek in confined areas, but I'd certainly freak if I were to be stuck in a confined space now. The nightmare, per se, was that I understood what 'infinity' meant and that scared the shite out of me. I'm tired of life, but I sure don't want to go to sleep for infinity if I can help it. I have a dog to look after. I secretly hope we die at the same time because my sole purpose in life is to make sure he lives well. I sure don't want to die and have him starve to death. I sort of taught him about extracting food from the bags by simply knocking over the bag time to time so that the food comes out of the hole. I refrain from allowing him to drink out of the toilet because that's very disgusting. Although, it's an emergency water source. Hmmmm... I care for animals (mine) more than humans. Ah, who am I kidding, my dog has a fuckin' boring life because I burn my spare time on the computer being a ... I don't know.
I have so much to say, but I can't afford the time to type it out. All those thoughts lost because I'm too cheap with my time. Fuck, what does it all matter? Humans are not the top parasites, cancer and other diseases can ravish a human body in no time. Best to knock off the god complexes, human scum!!! I don't get along with any of you lowly humans because I'm an evolved life form that hasn't revealed itself of yet, but will. I will be the world-ender, the one dreaming of the destruction of mankind. Hahahaaa
*wipes drool from mouth corner*
I am such a misanthrope. I may appear like a nice chap, but I likely don't and/or wouldn't like you for long. I think my shy/nice guy mask is all that's covering a frothy-mouthed psychopath, and that's not exactly a bad thing when the mask doesn't come off. I project a weak image, in my eyes, one that sucks up in order to survive. I hate myself for that because I'll never go anywhere in life nor better myself in any way. This perpetual walk in the tar does piss me off and so does everything else these days.
This journal was supposed to be a tool to help me, but I find that it only hinders any progress. It's only worth is to remain as a testament of my life in case (whomever forbid) something bad where to happen and my feelings were left in text for someone to decipher. Don't flatter yourselves, this isn't a call for help nor is it a textual document fit for any family member to witness ... this is the bitter irony, I never talk about shit nor allow the family circle to know the shit. Well, I guess this journal serves no purpose because there's no real link between my cyber persona and myself. For shame. I wonder how many 'lost' blogs/journals are out there. Being a misanthrope, I know I shouldn't give a damn, but I do. I'm a conundrum that will never unravel into a straight line. My life remains as a big dust bunny of neural misfires.
Born to die. What a concept, but living forever would be boring, no? With death being the end of existence, I really can't fathom the mind shutting down and gone for infinity. All my thoughts, memories, and basically 'me' will cease to exist forevermore. I had a childhood reoccurring nightmare about laying in a coffin, floating in a void. Yeah, it sucks because I grew up playing hide-n-seek in confined areas, but I'd certainly freak if I were to be stuck in a confined space now. The nightmare, per se, was that I understood what 'infinity' meant and that scared the shite out of me. I'm tired of life, but I sure don't want to go to sleep for infinity if I can help it. I have a dog to look after. I secretly hope we die at the same time because my sole purpose in life is to make sure he lives well. I sure don't want to die and have him starve to death. I sort of taught him about extracting food from the bags by simply knocking over the bag time to time so that the food comes out of the hole. I refrain from allowing him to drink out of the toilet because that's very disgusting. Although, it's an emergency water source. Hmmmm... I care for animals (mine) more than humans. Ah, who am I kidding, my dog has a fuckin' boring life because I burn my spare time on the computer being a ... I don't know.
I have so much to say, but I can't afford the time to type it out. All those thoughts lost because I'm too cheap with my time. Fuck, what does it all matter? Humans are not the top parasites, cancer and other diseases can ravish a human body in no time. Best to knock off the god complexes, human scum!!! I don't get along with any of you lowly humans because I'm an evolved life form that hasn't revealed itself of yet, but will. I will be the world-ender, the one dreaming of the destruction of mankind. Hahahaaa
*wipes drool from mouth corner*