meh-ness

[oh_my_days]

harumphy. cant do it. i just cant. i did it again... picked up the phone and dialled but thats about it. i mean, what the fuck am i supposed to say? im never gonna be able to do anything about it. i want nothing more than to have a bit of confidence so i can just get it over and done with. even if i just ring up and get a rejection, at least i will know. but katie n saewyd n hel bein optimistic just make it hurt even more, because I know... and I'M the important one here... I know hes gonna reject me. and everyones gonna laugh and take the piss. and i just cant handle that. but i cant handle living with him not knowing how i feel. i want so much to be able to just tell him i love him, even if he hates it, just so he knows.

i HATE this

i hate HIM

I HATE ME ! !