(no subject)
im getting frustrated with my situation. chris is getting aggitated with me but i've been out of it for the past week. i'm constantly getting fucked up with my friends which is not what i normally do. i understand how he could be annoyed with me, but i wish he would show me a little more support than drag me down with his almost spiteful comments. he has always had a way of making me feel less than i am, but i dont think that would happen if i was around him. its difficult for me to explain to him that im in my worst state right now. i care about him a lot but he doesnt understand what im going through. i know he lost his friend, but so did i. and i know he's afraid of a relationship, but im fucking terrified. last time i was in a relationship, i got fucked over so bad, and all of my friends are well aware of how that effected me. im so fucking self conscious about who i am and its probably not the healthiest thing for me to jump into a relationship as soon as hunter fucking dies...but i think that opportunities in life present themselves at random times and if i dont go to austin, i'll regret it. all in all i need more support from chris while im changing my life around for him. he may be scared, but he HAS to step up and realize that im terrified and im changing everything for HIM. normally, i would make him meet me half way, but im miserable here. im rambling...i have to go.