Sorry that I do and don't
I have no words but--I'm sorry.
(But if you weren't so angry--if you didn't scream at me so angrily while we were within earshot of your newly-hired assistant--if we started off as I envisioned us to start--quietly speaking, shoulders almost touching--or maybe walking around Ateneo, our feet going around in circles but the conversation following a nicely drawn trajectory--you know, like it was a movie, like it was planned, like we were siblings reuniting right before the real problem starts (minus the real problem starting)--I could really write this differently--I wanted us to start off sheepishly apologetic, then cut each other off with joyous excitement--like, hey, I know you didn't mean it but I just thought--yeah I'm so sorry but you know hahahaha--this is so stupid hahahaha--hahaha--hahahahaha!--then maybe I would have told you how impossible it was for me to mean what I said--because I think of you so highly--I do, I respect you so much I like having you around you know--lunch breaks, movie dates, post-work dinners--and I told you this IRL, that you're one of them--the best, one of the best--that I don't think it's hard to love you--duh, I'm sure you're someone I would have really fallen for--had we met under different circumstances--had you been more open--had I been quieter--had everyone not ruined it all by telling me things I should believe about you--had I not met your friends before I (would have hypothetically) liked you--had you asked me if I did--I really would have said yes--but you were so angry--you screamed at me so angrily--only for the passion to die down when you said you didn't need my sorry--But P.S.--I still don't understand why it was me, all me--we're not close friends, you say--I shouldn't matter--I shouldn't assume--I shouldn't lookforyou, touch you, call out your names--I shouldnt's aside--why me?)
(But if you weren't so angry--if you didn't scream at me so angrily while we were within earshot of your newly-hired assistant--if we started off as I envisioned us to start--quietly speaking, shoulders almost touching--or maybe walking around Ateneo, our feet going around in circles but the conversation following a nicely drawn trajectory--you know, like it was a movie, like it was planned, like we were siblings reuniting right before the real problem starts (minus the real problem starting)--I could really write this differently--I wanted us to start off sheepishly apologetic, then cut each other off with joyous excitement--like, hey, I know you didn't mean it but I just thought--yeah I'm so sorry but you know hahahaha--this is so stupid hahahaha--hahaha--hahahahaha!--then maybe I would have told you how impossible it was for me to mean what I said--because I think of you so highly--I do, I respect you so much I like having you around you know--lunch breaks, movie dates, post-work dinners--and I told you this IRL, that you're one of them--the best, one of the best--that I don't think it's hard to love you--duh, I'm sure you're someone I would have really fallen for--had we met under different circumstances--had you been more open--had I been quieter--had everyone not ruined it all by telling me things I should believe about you--had I not met your friends before I (would have hypothetically) liked you--had you asked me if I did--I really would have said yes--but you were so angry--you screamed at me so angrily--only for the passion to die down when you said you didn't need my sorry--But P.S.--I still don't understand why it was me, all me--we're not close friends, you say--I shouldn't matter--I shouldn't assume--I shouldn't lookforyou, touch you, call out your names--I shouldnt's aside--why me?)