the squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse
I haven't remembered i write things down sometimes in quite a while. A certain young lady used to write things down as well, and her sharing it with me reminded me of that.
So i decided to crack the spine again, and maybe write an update to document a timestamp in my life.
I awoke confused and lost this morning. I rushed to work, not really sure if i was going to make it there in time or not. It was as if i had never walked concrete paths to public transportation before. Either my sense of direction is amazing, or i am programmed correctly from habit, but i found the train the same way i do every morning. Sitting between a sleeping elderly man and a younger man who was just below 'dancing in his seat' status i thought about how i do things without thinking about it. Something i am used to becomes (nearly) robotic for me. The same is true for the majority, i am sure. But it set me off into much deeper thought about the mechanics of my life to date, my current situation, and my plan. The ebb and flow of it all. That's a good introduction for a larger topic i do not want to write out at this moment. We'll come back to that at a later time perhaps.
Regarding the plan; The problem is I haven't one anymore. I mean i'm sure if you asked me i would try to give a very rational music related answer pointing out i'm not hoping to rely solely on that as a career and source of my income, how it would be nice, but i am realistic and aware that i need an actual plan. yes music is really what kept me in new york when i was contemplating dousing it in gasoline, dropping a match, and hitting the road. It is what i consider my greatest hobby. It is all i think about ALL DAY. Even in moments where my attention should be focused onto other things it creeps up in there. i just need a plan to move forward. i'm tired from treading in the 2008 sea.
First order of business is to figure out, outside of music what i want to do. Then what i can do that will allow me to pursue music while i am doing it. Where the balance is. Where is the tradeoff?
I have a sticky that is always open with "am i the hero of the story?" in bold 96 point helvetica. i like to think that i am, but sometimes being the villain is enjoyable as well.
we'll see where this goes...
So i decided to crack the spine again, and maybe write an update to document a timestamp in my life.
I awoke confused and lost this morning. I rushed to work, not really sure if i was going to make it there in time or not. It was as if i had never walked concrete paths to public transportation before. Either my sense of direction is amazing, or i am programmed correctly from habit, but i found the train the same way i do every morning. Sitting between a sleeping elderly man and a younger man who was just below 'dancing in his seat' status i thought about how i do things without thinking about it. Something i am used to becomes (nearly) robotic for me. The same is true for the majority, i am sure. But it set me off into much deeper thought about the mechanics of my life to date, my current situation, and my plan. The ebb and flow of it all. That's a good introduction for a larger topic i do not want to write out at this moment. We'll come back to that at a later time perhaps.
Regarding the plan; The problem is I haven't one anymore. I mean i'm sure if you asked me i would try to give a very rational music related answer pointing out i'm not hoping to rely solely on that as a career and source of my income, how it would be nice, but i am realistic and aware that i need an actual plan. yes music is really what kept me in new york when i was contemplating dousing it in gasoline, dropping a match, and hitting the road. It is what i consider my greatest hobby. It is all i think about ALL DAY. Even in moments where my attention should be focused onto other things it creeps up in there. i just need a plan to move forward. i'm tired from treading in the 2008 sea.
First order of business is to figure out, outside of music what i want to do. Then what i can do that will allow me to pursue music while i am doing it. Where the balance is. Where is the tradeoff?
I have a sticky that is always open with "am i the hero of the story?" in bold 96 point helvetica. i like to think that i am, but sometimes being the villain is enjoyable as well.
we'll see where this goes...