whocountscrowsanyway
so yeah. long time no post.
i dont remember all that's happend since the last time. so the stuff i do remember is what i'll tell you about. and it's prolly no it chronological order
my childhood friend, kelly, died. she was 18. i grew up with her and her sister. our moms were best friends. our dads were best friends too. i still dont know what happend. though, deep down i think it has to do with drugs. she had a considerably rough life. so yeah, that hit me pretty hard.
i cant stand school
i cant stand guard. that kills me too. i used to love it. i used to live for it. if i hadn't have joined it last year, i probably would be dead. but this season is just no fun. at all. the majority of the guard just really annoys me. it's all very petty and girly. (i can be petty and girly too, i just dont like to admit it) so i was pretty much dreading nashville.
had a dream that gma's house caught on fire and lily and my gma died.
next night i dreamed i saw my dad hit my mom w/ his work van bc he spilled coffee in his lap and was looking for a napkin in the glove compartment to clean it up. mom died and dad was shot by the police.
i have scary dreams.
went to nashville. sat was alright. we got 4th. DL got 1st though. woo! i made fun of becker a lot. man i love her. i hope she know's im just messing with her. she gets so offended at what ever i do. if izzie, or krumm or anyone else says something mean she just laughs with us but when i do it. man oh man does she get pissed. also on sat i realized how much i wasnt kidding when i told myself i liked the boy. i truly get the "gold fish effect" when i see him. (gold fish effect - when it feels like there is a gold fish swiming about in your stomache doing all sorts of flips and what not. syn: butterflies in your stomache)
so sunday was going very well as far as practice goes. i thought i improved a lot and the guard as a whole wasn't a bitchy as usuall. but during the run though i rolled my ankle pretty bad. it really sucked. i was doing a torjete (sp?!?!?!?! i have no idea!!) any way, i guess i just landed funny. and i tried to get up and go to my spot and finish the run through but on the way over it just hit me. it hurt really bad. i cried. like a baby. ao it was gross and swollen. and the boy saw me cry. so i couldnt preform in finals. we got 4th again. it was so neat to watch. they did sucha good job. DL got 1st again. that was cool. the ride home was stupid. izzie and becker fought a bit b/c izzie had lied to her or something. i didnt realy get what was going on but w/e. and to my left john and jess made out most of the time and behind me dolli and geoff were being all cute and what not and i was really bored and lonely. i wanted to be on the DL bus soooooooooo bad. with tibbs and the rest of the DL. and the boy. i really like the majority of the ppl in DL but, im sure the feeling isnt mutual, but uhm. yeah. i dont suppose i care all that much.
woke up today at about 1.45. my mom said she called me in sick bc she knew i would be tired and that my ankle would hurt. that's pretty cool of her.
saw my new therepist finaly. i want to get better so bad. but then i have weeks like this and im just convinced that it isnt even worth it. im a miserable person and it dont want to be, i just am. as hard as i try to make "turn lemons into lemonaide" i find out im like uber allergic to lemons. or something.
call me lazy or what not because i am quite aware of the dangerous mental state i am in and i can't get out of it. but after calling my lazy, tell me what you would do. tell me what to do to stop feeling this way because i sure as hell would like to know. im trying but nothing's working.
i am so frustrated.
i dont remember all that's happend since the last time. so the stuff i do remember is what i'll tell you about. and it's prolly no it chronological order
my childhood friend, kelly, died. she was 18. i grew up with her and her sister. our moms were best friends. our dads were best friends too. i still dont know what happend. though, deep down i think it has to do with drugs. she had a considerably rough life. so yeah, that hit me pretty hard.
i cant stand school
i cant stand guard. that kills me too. i used to love it. i used to live for it. if i hadn't have joined it last year, i probably would be dead. but this season is just no fun. at all. the majority of the guard just really annoys me. it's all very petty and girly. (i can be petty and girly too, i just dont like to admit it) so i was pretty much dreading nashville.
had a dream that gma's house caught on fire and lily and my gma died.
next night i dreamed i saw my dad hit my mom w/ his work van bc he spilled coffee in his lap and was looking for a napkin in the glove compartment to clean it up. mom died and dad was shot by the police.
i have scary dreams.
went to nashville. sat was alright. we got 4th. DL got 1st though. woo! i made fun of becker a lot. man i love her. i hope she know's im just messing with her. she gets so offended at what ever i do. if izzie, or krumm or anyone else says something mean she just laughs with us but when i do it. man oh man does she get pissed. also on sat i realized how much i wasnt kidding when i told myself i liked the boy. i truly get the "gold fish effect" when i see him. (gold fish effect - when it feels like there is a gold fish swiming about in your stomache doing all sorts of flips and what not. syn: butterflies in your stomache)
so sunday was going very well as far as practice goes. i thought i improved a lot and the guard as a whole wasn't a bitchy as usuall. but during the run though i rolled my ankle pretty bad. it really sucked. i was doing a torjete (sp?!?!?!?! i have no idea!!) any way, i guess i just landed funny. and i tried to get up and go to my spot and finish the run through but on the way over it just hit me. it hurt really bad. i cried. like a baby. ao it was gross and swollen. and the boy saw me cry. so i couldnt preform in finals. we got 4th again. it was so neat to watch. they did sucha good job. DL got 1st again. that was cool. the ride home was stupid. izzie and becker fought a bit b/c izzie had lied to her or something. i didnt realy get what was going on but w/e. and to my left john and jess made out most of the time and behind me dolli and geoff were being all cute and what not and i was really bored and lonely. i wanted to be on the DL bus soooooooooo bad. with tibbs and the rest of the DL. and the boy. i really like the majority of the ppl in DL but, im sure the feeling isnt mutual, but uhm. yeah. i dont suppose i care all that much.
woke up today at about 1.45. my mom said she called me in sick bc she knew i would be tired and that my ankle would hurt. that's pretty cool of her.
saw my new therepist finaly. i want to get better so bad. but then i have weeks like this and im just convinced that it isnt even worth it. im a miserable person and it dont want to be, i just am. as hard as i try to make "turn lemons into lemonaide" i find out im like uber allergic to lemons. or something.
call me lazy or what not because i am quite aware of the dangerous mental state i am in and i can't get out of it. but after calling my lazy, tell me what you would do. tell me what to do to stop feeling this way because i sure as hell would like to know. im trying but nothing's working.
i am so frustrated.