(no subject)
DISNEYLAND for my birthday!!! in three weeks!!! SWEET 16 NIGGA. wooooooooohooooooooo.
im sooo happppyyyyy becauseee buddyyy is gonna help me look for a doggie! i <3 you buddy!!
miami is gonna buy me a louis vuitton hahaha. <3 you, my designer whore.
umm let's see on my birthday list is:
-ur mom
-ur dad
-ur sister
-ur dog
-ur grandma
-A TRUE FRIEND (hehe)
-a puppy!
-christian dior rasta messenger bag!
-mac makeup
-a neon hoodie (pink, green, yellow, or orange)
-a pink or silver metallic hobo bag
-the juicy puppy carrier (the pink &green one)
-MONEY
yeah ok anyways.
well yeah a lot has been happening lately, kind of.
i'm failing two of my classes. and um, it turns out failing math is a little worse than i thought. i mean the consequences are pretty bad. i'm kinda scared. all my grades are dropping. and i mean major dropping. i'm so stressed over work right now..it's sick. it's really ruining my 10th grade year. i am LOADED with homework from most of my classes. it's just ridiculous. ugh. i can't believe how low my grades are getting. and my math teacher told me that i was gonna fail and i said 'well cant i just get the help i need and raise my grade' and she said 'no, knowing you, you're definitely going to be repeating'. yeah,,way to make me feel great about myself ms. rivin. and then i've been having some friend problems. one of my best friends and i are no longer best friends. which of course has its purpose, but you know, it's sad. and then i kinda realized some bad things about some other people that i didn't realize before. and wow it just seems like a bunch of bad qualities are just blossoming in people out of no where! it's like evil season here. lol no they're not evil. maybe it's just me. in fact yeah, it probly is just me. and when 'breaking up' with my best friend, i kinda felt like i was doing her a favor. as with the other people i kinda want to avoid. i seriously don't think i am completely held together lately. i really am not the same, or at least my thoughts aren't. and i don't think they'd be really happy with me. and i was always complaining to her and stuff about our friendship and trying to fix things, and that probly just annoyed the crap out of everyone. so i stopped. and i gave up. and i decided the only solution would be to break the whole thing off. it's just that i've been denied so much from my friends and it's really hurt me, and that in turn is making me expect so much more from them and everyone else. i really do love my her, but i don't know how to maintain a friendship with her. i don't know how to do anything with anyone. nothing's working for me. and like today on the bus she got on and said 'hi' to me like really softly. it was so cute and sad lol. no seriously though. i was almost wishing she wouldn't say anything, and that we would just be like evil angry errrr hateful enemies toward each other. it's so awkward just being 'aqcuaintances' with someone you were so close with. i mean seriously wow when you think about it..how weird is that. it's like you start over completely and forget everything that ever happened with each other. kinda scary, kinda sad. mind boggling! anyways..so yeah and i was kinda harsh to some other people too. sorry guys..to those of you whom this applies. i just..aggghhh i'm so aggravated! i just wish i could have a friend that not only loved me but SHOWED me that they loved me. in this case, actions really do speak louder than words. it's so easy to tell someone you love them and convince them of how much they mean to you. and so many people buy into it too. but i cant. i just cant. if i dont see love, i don't feel love. talking just doesn't do it for me. i need them to hang out with me be with me and.. yeah just be with me! a lot! and i dunno,. see like i said .. i'm expecting too much. or am i? gahh!!! i really don't know who's the wrong one here! well whatever. no point in pointing fingers. i said point twice in that sentence..awesome. yeah and who knows how it's gonna be in the future. but it looks like she's happy which i'm glad and everyone else is happy which i'm glad. now i just need to find my happiness! which may take time but it's gonna happen.. i know it! i might want to start with raising my grades a little..lol. anyways yeah i'm tired so let's put an end to this entry. comment, don't comment.. i dont care! as long as you all know how i feel! =) tata!