I don't know why I feel so tongue tied.
I feel like complete shit today, but that's how I normally feel when I see a certain somebody.
I know I say this all the time, and I know it's so 'cliche' to even think it, but fuck. I'm not at all satisfied with the way things are, and with the way I am. I can't keep wishing to be someone I'm not, but I sure as hell can pretend pretty fucking well.
Pretend, pretend, pretend.
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of hearing your stories, and I'm tired of looking you in the eyes. I can't stand your voice, and I can't stand your presence. I don't know why you make me feel so terrible when you don't even mean to...I don't know why I'm so jealous of everything all of a sudden. I can't make myself appreciate the things I once adored, and I can't make myself happy with my surroundings. It's so selfish, and it's so useless to worry about the things that you won't even remember in a few years, but I'm always either living too far ahead, or too far behind. I've either got my head up in the clouds, or I'm overthinking into things that happened in the past. I need to be living for the present, and concentrating more on what it is I want to do instead of listening to you brag and rub everything into my face.
After a pretty good talk today with someone I barely know, I've come to realize that I just keep making up these excuses for myself to avoid the path to my future. I'm looking into the other direction, because I'm afraid of what I'll see.
I'm not satisfied, I'm not satisfied, I'm not satisfied.
I'm not at all happy with myself. I'm disgusted. I'm outraged. I'm frustrated. It's not at all acceptable.
I feel like if it weren't for all the people forcing me to do things, I would have given up on it all a long time ago. It's that disgusting habbit of always keeping everyone happy that seems to keep me going.
Keep forcing me. Keep pushing.
I'm about to burst, and you don't even know it.
I'm a mess.