(no subject)
You got me where you want me, but I ain't all there.
My head is gone, my brain is fried, and I'm standin' right here.
You can touch me if you wanna, oh, I don't really care,
But I have ruined everything that I ever loved.
-Jessica Lea Mayfield
I am dislocated. I feel the warm air on the city, and I know it brings good things. Still, I'm trying to take my internship in Greenville rather than New York this summer. Tell me why. There are certain aspects of South Carolina I can't feel here. Tell me why. I try to make my peace with the universe. I plan to volunteer at the soup kitchen again tomorrow. Will it make a difference? No. Tell me why.
I've watched far too much Battlestar Galactica in the past month, and it inspires me. I've listened to far too much Avett Brothers in my lifetime, and it inspires me. I have a one-act play due at the end of the semester, and I feel empty. Explain. I can't tell you why any of them died. But they had the right to choose their death. Day after day they are dead and they are dead and they are dead and no reason, no justification, no amount of understanding can change that. And would it be my place to change that? No. I haven't mattered to them. Not really. Not in the way I glorify them in my mind.
And the more Battlestar I watch, the more I want to hate. I want to hate everyone in my life because the mortality of it all scares me. And I look good on paper, yeah, I could impress you, but I am not a groundbreaking writer. And all it amounts to is teenage babble. I can't fix you. I can tell you how flawed you are, make you doubt your existence, but don't look to me for comfort. Comfort is something I don't know.
My life is right in all the ways that it is wrong. I am strong in all the ways that I am really weak.
My head is gone, my brain is fried, and I'm standin' right here.
You can touch me if you wanna, oh, I don't really care,
But I have ruined everything that I ever loved.
-Jessica Lea Mayfield
I am dislocated. I feel the warm air on the city, and I know it brings good things. Still, I'm trying to take my internship in Greenville rather than New York this summer. Tell me why. There are certain aspects of South Carolina I can't feel here. Tell me why. I try to make my peace with the universe. I plan to volunteer at the soup kitchen again tomorrow. Will it make a difference? No. Tell me why.
I've watched far too much Battlestar Galactica in the past month, and it inspires me. I've listened to far too much Avett Brothers in my lifetime, and it inspires me. I have a one-act play due at the end of the semester, and I feel empty. Explain. I can't tell you why any of them died. But they had the right to choose their death. Day after day they are dead and they are dead and they are dead and no reason, no justification, no amount of understanding can change that. And would it be my place to change that? No. I haven't mattered to them. Not really. Not in the way I glorify them in my mind.
And the more Battlestar I watch, the more I want to hate. I want to hate everyone in my life because the mortality of it all scares me. And I look good on paper, yeah, I could impress you, but I am not a groundbreaking writer. And all it amounts to is teenage babble. I can't fix you. I can tell you how flawed you are, make you doubt your existence, but don't look to me for comfort. Comfort is something I don't know.
My life is right in all the ways that it is wrong. I am strong in all the ways that I am really weak.