I never meant for things to be like this...

[ogyogi]

Driving to a night of uncertainty.
Not knowning what to expect.
Listening to someone tell you a story you've already lived.
That story was you two in reverse rolls.
That story was all so real.

Reliving a relationship through memories.
Reliving feelings through the present.
Reading a letter, you never expected to read.
It was so beautiful.
I read it a couple times this morning when I woke up.
My eyes are full of tears as I type.
I've locked myself in my old room.
There is nothing but silence and the god awful sound of me taking deep breaths.
I cry when I'm by myself, I breakdown when I'm alone.

I loved you so much and you threw me away.
Why did you throw me away?
I thought it was all over.
I thought I was done crying.
You never ever called me,
you let me suffer alone.
Why does everyone always leave me.
I never meant any of the hurtful things I said,
I never meant any of the hurtful things I did.

I never meant to leave you in your door way so confused.
I never meant to leave you in tears.
Now we are hurting eachother.
I was scared to set an exact date to see you again,
because I know I would just disappoint you.
Maybe it was easier for me to get over you because I never had to see you cry.
I never saw you in pain.
It kills me to see you cry,
and it hurts me even more to know that I'm the reason why.
If you expected me to cry, then shame on you.
Why would you want me to feel pain?
How dare you say you don't believe me when I say I love you.
I'm not a strong person. You know I beat myself up.
You know I keep everything inside.
What in the fuck is happening?

I do love you, I always will.

I wish you could see me right now,
I'm a fucking mess,
is that what you want?
Is that the "I love you" you wanted to hear.
I guess you'll never know,
but who gives a shit, I'm a horrible person anyways.