...in which I guess a dude's gotta have dreams, right?
Here’s my movie ritual: before I even get a movie, I go to IMDb and read up on it: plot outline, cast, maybe a review or two. This is how I decide whether to bother with a movie or not. Then, when I sit down to watch the movie, I leave its page on IMDb open as a handy reference tool (“Hey, that guy looks familiar…who is that? What else has he been in?”). And once the movie is over, I rate it 1-10 on the site, check out the trivia page, and then see if I can find an interesting discussion about it on the message boards.
IMDb, as you can see, is central to my life.
A few days ago I watched Who Is Cletis Tout?, which turned out to be okay. It’s not brilliant, but it’s a good time on a slow evening. I was pleased to see that Richard Dreyfuss was in it (though all too briefly, and he doesn't do much). Portia De Rossi is in it also, and I love her in Arrested Development, so that was a plus. She's the best thing about that show, and there are a LOT of good things about that show, but she really stands out.
Best of all, there was a beautiful making-fun-on-yourself moment where a movie buff asks Christian Slater’s character, “Anyone ever tell you that you sound a lot like Jack Nicholson?”
So, yeah, it was fun, and once it was done I started cruising the message boards. One guy had written about how charming Portia De Rossi is, but then lamented that he’d just “sadly learned [she] is gay, darn it!”
I read that and thought, well, what possible difference does that make to you? Are you saying that, if she was heterosexual, she’d be over at your place Friday night? Are you going to have to settle for Maura Tierney now, or what?
Oh, well. I suppose a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, huh?
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POSTSCRIPT: Incidentally, the phrase "settle for Maura Tierney" shouldn't exist in ANY language.