Good Advices (for Amenakin)
I didn’t get my “Coffee with Claire” this morning, as a result of which I’ve been bitchy all day. So I took a night off from the endless drudgery that is the making of “Joey” to make this. It’s just a little fun thing, although I sincerely hope it upsets the person it’s addressed to. Also, I hope you guys enjoy it, and as usual, a transcript follows the video.
Click to viewHello, brothers and sisters. I am OgreVI, and I’m in a sour mood tonight, on account of there was no “Coffee with Claire” this morning.
You see, there’s a young woman on YouTube named…Amen-AH-kin? Maybe A-MEN-akin. Or it might be Amen-achin’, which I believe is an obscure joint disorder you get from spending too much time on your knees praying. I’m gonna call her Amena, which is shorter, prettier, and easier to say. I hope she doesn’t mind.
Anyway, some time ago Amena made a video, the subject of which was that she doesn’t really understand how evolutionary theory works. That may not have been her intention, but it was the effect; things don’t always turn out as we plan, do they? On the strength of this video she was named Wildwood Claire’s “Dim Bulb of the Week” last Sunday, and was nominated for a coveted Golden Crocoduck Award. Both Claire and Potholer 54 (who awards the Golden Crocoduck) made videos about Amena, which is to say making fun of Amena, and she didn’t like that. I sympathize. Nobody likes to be laughed at.
Her response, though, was to file copyright-infringement claims against both Claire and Potholer, and either she or someone acting on her behalf also flagged Claire’s video for “hate speech.” YouTube backed up this latter claim, which is why Claire was too mad to make her show this morning.
This is bad for everybody. Obviously, facetious copyright claims (as well as groundless flagging) endanger all of us who make videos, besides which these are two of the smartest, funniest, and best YouTubers out there, so anything that endangers their channels threatens our enjoyment of the site. Furthermore, Claire is a YouTube buddy of mine, and what hurts her hurts me, too. My Sundays depend upon “Coffee with Claire,” and my morning was ruined. Well, not completely ruined, ‘cause I still had “Literally Genesis,” but half-ruined.
Speaking directly to Amena: sweetheart, I know you don’t give a shit about hurting me or Claire or any of us. But this whole thing has turned out badly for you too, hasn’t it? Two weeks ago nobody in our little community had ever heard of you. A week ago you were just one of a hundred folks we laugh at and then forget about. But now half the people I’m subscribed to have mirrored Potholer’s and Claire’s videos about you, which has greatly increased the number of people making fun of you. Many, too, have made their own videos calling you a crybaby and a coward. This isn’t because of your Darwin video, and it isn’t because of Potholer and Claire. It’s because of your overreaction. A hundred thousand people or more who would have never heard of you or just ignored you now regard you with utter contempt. So, as I say, this has turned out badly for all of us.
Now I too am making a video about you, but my intention is different from the others. I’ve come not to insult you or scold you, but to bring you a bit of wisdom handed down to me by my grandmother. She was a good woman, a smart and funny and loving woman. But she was not a nice woman. She was downright abrasive, not to say mean-spirited. That woman hurt a lot of feelings in her time. She loved me very much and treated me better than she did most, but I still wasn’t off-limits for the barbs of her wit.
One day, when I was four or five years old, she was laughing at me, and my feelings were hurt. I started to cry (I was a very soft-hearted boy). She came and knelt beside me, put her arms around my shoulders, kissed my cheek, and shared with me a truth about the world that I’ve never forgotten.
“Oh, honey,” she told me, “if you don’t like being laughed at, don’t say stupid shit.”
Amena my love, I hope you’re paying attention.