...in which I know what I'm gonna do next.
I have found a project for myself. I've become fascinated by The Agony Booth, a website dedicated to recaps of really bad movies. Not reviews, but actual scene-by-scene, mistake-by-mistake recaps of the movies. They are very funny, and the site has become my second-favorite. And they accept submissions from readers, so I've been thinking about writing one and sending it in. But they've already done so many bad movies, what could I possibly write about?
Well, the answer was staring me in the face. See, there used to be a guy named Coleman Francis, and he deserves consideration as the worst filmmaker ever, even though he only made three movies. He packed an awful lot of awful into those three movies, you see. He was so deliriously bad that I have actually heard people defend him by saying that no movie could possibly be that bad accidentally, and that actually Francis was a satirist doing a sort of biting post-modernist interpretation of the movie business. Which, okay, maybe, but this guy is basically Archie Bunker, you know? I can't see him as an ironic cinematic visionary. I think he's just utterly lacking in skill and conscience.
There was Red Zone Cuba (also known as Night Train to Mundo Fine, thanks to its atrocious theme song), which shows up on pretty much every knowledgable fan's list of the worst movies ever made; The Skydivers, which is maybe the most boring action movie in film history; and The Beast of Yucca Flats, your standard craptastic cold-war nuclear monster movie, starring bad-movie legend Tor Johnson. Because I've read the recaps of the first two on the site, I just assumed that Beast had been done already, as well. But no, it's nowhere on the site! I'm gonna see if Netflix has it on DVD, and if they do I'm gonna get it and write a big funny insightful 10-page review for which I won't be paid! It's gonna be excellent!